Never Leave Me
by music.means.love
Summary: Takes place during the last two years at Hogwarts. She's a nobody. He's a somebody. She is lost. He has too much to lose. They need each other. But can they admit it? Language.
1. It Looks Like Rain Today

Never Leave Me

Chapter One: It Looks Like Rain Today

_Wise men say_

_It looks like rain today_

_It crackled on the speakers_

_And trickled down the sleepy subway trains_

_For heavy eyes could hardly hold us_

_Aching legs that often told us_

_It's all worth it_

_We all fall in love sometimes_

_Jeff Buckley – We All Fall in Love Sometimes_

I was fifteen when I first _officially_ met Draco Malfoy. Of course, I had seen him around the common room and some of my classes; _Draco Malfoy _was notorious throughout the halls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. But he had never paid any attention to me and why should he? I was just a petite girl with her head up in the clouds who tried her best to stay out of everybody's way and usually succeeded. But every now and then, people _would _notice me and they would introduce themselves and ask questions. I would always try to be polite and tell them what they needed to know but after a while, I would once again be forgotten…just the way I liked it. Before that fateful night, there were only two people in that school that I truly cared about. And those two people were Daphne Greengrass and Theodore Nott, or Theo as we liked to call him. We had known each other long before Hogwarts, childhood friends if you will. Theo sometimes dabbled with the likes of Blaise Zabini (Draco's right hand man) but other than that we mostly kept to ourselves.

I can still remember everything about that night as if it were yesterday. The scent of his cologne still teases the tip of my nostrils, his alluring grey eyes still pierce into my soul. I can still feel the piano keys as they danced under my fingers, can still hear the mystical notes as they twirled around that dark room. Music had always been my first love. My father had bought me my first grand piano when I was four years old and I had been playing ever since, piano and guitar (which I had mastered at the age of twelve). My father was a guitar legend turned record producer. He managed gold record standard bands such as The Weird Sisters, Black Magic, Unicorn and many more. I had grown up with music and after my mother had passed away when I was eight it was all I had know, all that I could rely on. Not that I had a problem with that. To me, music was the mere essence of beauty…well, at least then it was.

I was sat at the small piano in the music room on the fifth floor. I was always found there when out of lessons. It was after hours and I had stayed silent as the entire castle fell asleep to soundless dreams. We were two days away from leaving the school for the summer holidays and all the halls were filled with excitement and thrill, something that I was not a part of. My father was hardly ever home these days what with work and Theo would be spending his summer in Egypt with his large and happy family. Daphne had an internship at _Witch Weekly_ so she would have accommodation up north somewhere whilst I would be stuck in a four story town house alone and bored. Sure it would be good to spend time alone with my music but truth be told I would miss my friends dearly. As I played the notes to the song I could feel my sadness seeping through the melody.

_You are my sweetest downfall__  
__I loved you first, I loved you first__  
__Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth__  
__I have to go, I have to go__  
__Your hair was long when we first met_

The song was by Regina Spektor a successful witch musician who had broken through the barrier and was also known in the muggle world. I delicately placed my fingertips over the keys as I continued with the music.

_Samson went back to bed__  
__Not much hair left on his head__  
__He ate a slice of wonder bread and went right back to bed__  
__And history books forgot about us and the bible didn't mention us__  
__And the bible didn't mention us, not even once_

I shrugged my long white blonde hair over my shoulder as I continued playing.

_You are my sweetest downfall__  
__I loved you first, I loved you first__  
__Beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads__  
__But they're just old light, they're just old light__  
__Your hair was long when we first met_

Someone cleared their throat behind me and I stopped playing instantly, the keys jolting as I gasped in shock. The person chuckled and I noticed that it was a male voice. I turned around to see _him_ standing there. His body was leaning against the door frame as he smirked in my direction, his eyes bore into my own. I could feel the blood rushing towards my cheeks as I turned my gaze to the floor, I could still feel his eyes on me even without looking at him. I finally spoke to break the extremely awkward silence.

"I'm sorry I-" I hesitated "I didn't know anyone else was going to be here." When he didn't respond, I sighed and turned around to pick up my things. I was just reaching for my laptop when he spoke.

"What's that?" I turned around again and saw that he had moved, he was now leaning against the other side of the piano and was staring at the portable computer in my hands.

"It's a computer," I explained.

"What does it do?" He questioned my eying up the silver apple logo on the back of the smooth white surface.

"Muggles use them," I saw the look of distaste spread across his pale face and quickly tried to redeem my answer. "My father has enchanted it. So we get to see each other." The look vanished and instead he showed no emotion as he stepped closer towards my shivering form.

"Cold?" He asked, his marble skin gleaming in the moonlight. His simple question seemed to both unnerve and thrill me at the same time. I nodded my head slowly and turned to grab my jacket. Suddenly, a soft flickering orange glow filled the room and I turned to se a small fire hovering just in between the two of us that warmed me up instantly.

"Thank you," I said gratefully as he put his wand back into the pocket of his robe. He nodded his head politely and watched as I put my leather jacket on. "I should be going, it's after hours. I don't want to get into trouble."

"That didn't seem to bother you when you were playing." I heard as I was walking towards the door. I didn't turn around this time. One more look at that angelic face of his and I was sure that my legs would give way.

"Well, when I was playing I was only one here." I left quickly after that but a hand snaked around my arm softly and pulled me back around.

"What's the hurry? No one's going to find you." His words were hypnotizingly reassuring and I found my self relaxing and forgetting why I would walk away from him in the first place. "so what's your name?" I answered him instantly against my own will.

"Nikki Valentine."

"Well, Nikki Valentine…you play and sing beautifully. I'm surprised I've never heard of you before."

"Don't be, I try to blend in." The words were just coming out of my mouth before I had time to think. His eyes snapped on mine when I said those words.

"You shouldn't. A talent like yours should never be wasted." _Draco fucking Malfoy_ was telling me that I was talented. I was frozen still with shock and found that I had run out of words to say. He seemed to notice this and smirked. "What year are you in?"

"Fifth." One syllable answers were better than silence. His eyes widened for a split second as he saw the house scarf that hung loosely around my neck.

"A Slytherin in my year." I couldn't help think that it was _his_ year. He owned the school. The true Slytherin Prince. He had earned that title there was no doubt about it. "How have I never noticed you?" It seemed to be a rhetorical question so I stayed silent as he reached out to play with a loose strand of my platinum hair. It was rude and he didn't ask permission but I found myself struck dumb. He was at least a foot taller than me but that was no surprise as I was always quite small. "A beautiful girl such as you…it's impossible." He chuckled and shook his head before slowly lowering his hand. I couldn't believe my ears. The god of Hogwarts had just called me _beautiful._

"I really should go…you should too. You don't want to get in trouble."

"Don't you know who you're talking to?" He scoffed, "Who would dare shout at _Draco Malfoy_." It was then that his famous arrogance shone through. I had heard of his ever growing rivalry between him and Harry Potter, of how he was always sneering at anyone who was in Gryffindor and how he was always making girl's feel like they had a chance and then shooting them down. Again I found myself wondering _why should I be any different?_ He was probably just going to play with me and then break my heart. I never let anyone into my heart. Not even my father. The day my mother had died I vowed to myself that I would never go through that pain again. People always leave, whether they want to or not. I had learnt that earlier on in my life. I nodded at him before turning to leave.

"Have a good night Draco," I don't know if he said anything after that. I had turned out of the corridor in less than three seconds flat absorbed in my own thoughts. I held my breath until I reached the staircase and sighed, leaning against the marble pillar. There were butterflies that were about to spontaneously combust in my stomach and my head was spinning. I had never spoken to the Malfoy son in my life and now we had just had a conversation in which he had called me talented and beautiful. My flat leather boots made hardly any sound against the floor as I hurried down the many steps. Was he following me? I didn't want to check as I reached the dungeon stairs. The temperature suddenly dropped but that was not unusual as the dungeons were underneath the lake. But I still shuddered every single time. The always laughed and tried to drape his robe around me but I always denied it as I knew that he would be freezing. I was dressed for summer with denim skinny jeans and a long white vest top with a couple of long necklaces and of course my trusty leather jacket. Not exactly the correct attire for the Hogwarts' Dungeons.

I eventually burst through the portrait door after blurting out the password and ran straight up to my room. I shared a dorm with Daphne. It was just us two as the other girl who had lived with us at first had complained because of the noise we had made and in third year had moved out. I can't say I blame her what with me on my guitar and Daphne constantly chattering on about boys. Daphne was lead on her bed, her feet in the air, writing what I guessed was some form of homework that _I_ had not yet even started.

"Hey, Nik." She looked up with a smile that lit up her whole face. I envied that smile. "What've you been up to?" I paused as I was putting my apple mac into the drawer next to my bed. Should I tell her? Would she make a big deal out of it? I shook my head and before I knew what was happening, my lips moved and her answer appeared out of thin air.

"Nothing much, the usual." I felt terrible for lying to her. But I knew, had I'd told her, she would make a fuss and all I wanted to do is try to move on from this little incident. I knew that by tomorrow, Draco Malfoy would've forgotten all about little Nikki Valentine and would move onto his next beautiful girl. Except that girl would _be_ stunningly beautiful and would be willing to do whatever he commands. Truth be told, I remember that night as if it were yesterday. Because although I did not know it at the time…that was the night that changed my life forever.

~~x~~

The shoe that was flung at my face woke me up from my dreamless sleep.

"Nikki! Get the _fuck_ up!" I opened my eyes to see Daphne racing around the room grabbing miscellaneous items and stuffing them into her bag. I saw her disappear into our walk in wardrobe and then reappear holding my entire school uniform. "Don't you give me that look!" She scolded as she stormed over to my bed and chucked the items of clothing on the soft emerald duvet. "We are _twenty five_ minutes late for Potions!" That got me up. I jumped out of my bed wincing as the cold hit my pale skin and dived into the en suite bathroom. I washed my hair and body in a record time of four minutes and thirty six seconds before I charmed my hair dry and let it fall in its natural soft waves. I applied my usual black eyeliner and clear lip balm before running back into the dorm and throwing on my school uniform and grabbing my black over the shoulder leather bag. Daphne pulled me out of the room and down the spiral staircase. I stumbled twice as we raced out of the common room and through the dungeon corridors which made Daphne shout obscenities and pull me with more force. I groaned as we flew up the stairways still not fully awake even after my tepid shower not six minutes ago.

We finally rounded the corner and saw the Potions' class door. I groaned again. I really wasn't in the mood to be publicly humiliated by Professor Snape. Plus a certain blonde headed boy would be in the lesson and I really _really _was _not_ in the mood to see him after the _'incident'_ that took place last night. I pushed Daphne in front of me as we slowly entered the classroom, praying to Merlin that we could just slip in quietly and no one would ever know that we were late or (in certain cases) even there in the first place. Of course, my luck made sure that that was not going to happen.

As the door opened, I could hear Snape speaking to the entire class about some form of Memory potion. But as soon as Daphne and I emerged from behind the door, the greasy haired professor fell silent and we found ourselves being stared at by the entire room. I cringed, purposely avoiding the eye contact of 'The Slytherin Prince' who was seated on the back row, his intense gaze burning a whole in the top of my head.

"Ah, how nice of you to join us Miss Greengrass, Miss Valentine," Snape raised an eyebrow in our direction "I hope it wasn't too much of an inconvenience for you to attend this lesson." I hate it when professors do that. Daphne spoke up.

"Sorry we're late Sir, we couldn't find the dorm key," Daphne's lie was fluent and smooth. It was so simple that even I found myself believing it. Snape just gave us an amused look and nodded towards our seats, signaling for us to sit down. Snape continued and every now and then made reference to Daphne and me, which made the entire class laugh. I didn't find it very amusing. I could still feel _his_ eyes on my back. I was sat two rows in front of him in my usual place. He said he had never noticed me…but he _must_ have. He saw me every day of his school life. How do you face a person every day and yet never really _see_ them? I rolled my eyes and answered my own question. He was Draco fucking Malfoy. His only concerns were how he looked and which girl he was going to fuck stupid before crushing them. It was a well known fact that Draco had lost his virginity to Pansy Parkinson the night of the Yule Ball. The wretched slag wouldn't stop going on about it for months afterwards, even after he publicly dumped her and shouted that she was rubbish shag in front of the entire school. _That_ had been amusing. Pansy was still pining after him like a wounded puppy. Silly girl.

I tried to concentrate on my work. I tried to pretend that I was listening to the boring lecture about memory loss. But I could _feel_ him. He was watching me so intently that I could actually _fell_ his scorching gaze. I focused on my breathing, in and out, in and out. I just wanted this lesson, this _day_ over and done with so that I could crawl under my duvet and never come out until the year three thousand and twelve.

"…and now I will assign you your partners." What? Snape continued to read the list…

"Miss Granger and Mr. Longbottom,

Mr. Potter and Miss Greengrass." Daphne groaned beside me.

"Mr. Weasley and Miss Brown,

"Mr. Malfoy and…" Please no, please no, please no…."Miss abbot," Yes!

"Miss Valentine and Mr. Zabini" Shit, I wasn't expecting that. Snape carried on the list of partners and then told everyone to get into our pairs and get the ingredients that he had written on the board for the next lesson after summer and then a direct quote '_or else you'll find yourselves hanging from the astronomy tower by your toes.' _Are professors actually allowed to say that shit to you? _Oh crap! _I thought as I saw the 'Italian Stallion' make his way over to me, his ego filling up all the available space that was left in the cramped classroom. Blaise Zabini was also a well known 'play boy' of Hogwarts and as I had previously mentioned, was Draco Malfoy's best friend. I didn't know how Theo could _ever_ have a tolerable conversation with Blaise.

"Hey, Nikki right?" How the hell did he know my name? I'd never spoken to him in my life let alone thought we were on first name terms. He was quite good looking. Classic tall, dark and handsome features with that hint of an Italian glint in his eyes. But to put it in words he was a dickhead. And a big one at that. Like Draco, his arrogance omitted from his body before he even spoke and his list of female conquests were endless. I should have ignored him or at least come up with a nasty sentence that would've knocked that cocky smirk right off his face but instead my low confidence levels kicked in and just fed my mouth words.

"Yeah, it looks like we're partners." My tone was cheery and pleasant, not at all like it should've been. I even found myself smiling at the ignorant brute.

"It sure does," I couldn't help but be dazzled for a split second by his award winning smile. "So, how are we going to do this?" I shook myself out of my revere and attempted to answer him civilly.

"Umm," great start "well what if you take the odds and I take the evens."

"Yeah, and why don't you and I meet up during the summer holidays to…_discuss_ this little project." I sensed a hidden agenda. There was no way in a million years that I would ever speak to this boy unless it was an absolute necessity.

"No, I think we should manage." The bell rang and I had to hold down a smile at Blaise' shocked face. "I guess I'll see you later." I gave him a quick smile of my own although I was sure that it was no way near as dazzling as his before I grabbed my bag and walked out of the classroom and towards Daphne who was waiting for me by the entrance to the courtyard.

I listened to my dorm mate rant on about how unfair it was that she got stuck with _Harry Potter_ while I was with a sex god such as Blaise Zabini. I told her that I found him repulsive but she just rolled her eyes.

"Only you," She sighed which made me smile. I personally didn't have a problem with 'the golden trio' but apparently if you were in Slytherin then it came with the territory. You _had_ to hate _all_ Gryffindors, especially Harry Potter. I was never nasty to any of them, I didn't really know them. I didn't even go out of my way to avoid them. I just preferred to stay in my little trio. Where we could talk about anything and laugh until we cried. We all _knew_ each other outside and in. Daphne and Theo were just so easy to be around. I didn't have to pretend or try and big myself up. They took me for who I was which was a relief because I wasn't about to pretend to be someone else. Theo had gone to Egypt two days ago so it was just me and Daphne. We ate lunch in the Great Hall (well, I say _we_ but really I just watched Daphne eat a pasta salad as I had hardly any appetite these days) and Daphne talked about boys while I just nodded my head and 'mmmm'd' in all the right places. It was only when she mentioned a certain boy that my head flicked up and I started to listen.

"…I mean he hasn't had a proper girlfriend since Pansy and that was like months ago. He must be looking for someone else" she said as she pushed her chest forward and flickered her gaze over to the pale blonde seated at the other end of the table. "I swear he was looking at me all through Potions' class…or it might've been Blaise since you guys were right behind me…but can you imagine…" She paused for like the seventh time to glance at her _lover boy_. "me and Draco Malfoy. Mrs. Daphne Malfoy…it definitely has a ring to it." She groaned, "he is _so_ gorgeous…I could just eat him whole."

"Daphne!" I laughed out loud. She was fourteen and she was already fantasizing crude and sexual acts occurring between her and the only Malfoy son. Draco must've heard me laughing because I saw him turn and look my way out of the corner of his eye. I still hadn't met his gaze the entire morning. If I did I knew that I would blush and that would just be straight forward embarrassing. "Come on," I stood up and Daphne copied my actions. "Let's give your _libido_ a rest and go to the lake, we've got a free period.

"I haven't, remember?" The clueless expression on my face gave here her answer "I've taken on Ancient Runes." I sighed in annoyance,

"What the fuck am I going to do on my own for an hour?" She looked at me and shrugged her shoulders before sticking her tongue out at me and prancing off out of the Great Hall. I tilted my head back and groaned before following her lead and exiting through the double doors.

~~x~~

I had decided to walk out to the side of the lake and perched myself down under the shade of a tall oak tree. The summer breeze felt good against my skin as I took off my robe and pulled some parchment and pencils out of my bag. I tabbed the end of my charcoal pencil against the parchment impatiently as I looked at the scenery around me, searching for inspiration. I eventually settled my eyes on two swans that were swimming together in the lake. I started by drawing the landscape and decided that in _my_ drawing it was going to be sunset so I drew the water sparkling. I drew the swans so that their necks made the shape of a heart and so that the sun was setting just behind them, casting a shadow over them and making them glow. I drew a black scruffy border before putting the sketch neatly back in my bag and gazing across the water at the two real life swans that were now almost at the other side of the lake.

I loved the lake. Swimming in it at night was on my list of 'things to do before I die'. It was so open and free. Plus it was a perfect place to sketch what with the wildlife and breathtaking scenery. The calm summer's day was exhilarating, _intoxicating_. If I closed my eyes, I could be in heaven. I pictured my mother's face in my mind. I had inherited her white blonde hair and pale skin. I looked exactly like my mother except for my eyes. I had been given my father's emerald orbs while she had had sapphire blue eyes. A loud shout from behind me woke me from my revere.

"Harry, stop!" I recognized it as Hermione Granger's voice and sure enough, when I turned around there she was, little miss goody two shoes trying to restrain 'they boy who lived' from getting any closer to none other than Draco Malfoy.

"Yeah, Potter…stop!" The blonde mimicked Hermione's voice and laughed to his posse which included Blaise, Crabbe and Goyle. "Go back to where you belong_ Potter_, with your _dead _whore of a mother." He laughed again and my mouth dropped open at his vulgar choice of words. There are things that you just _don't_ say to people. And _that_ is one of them. How could anyone be so cruel? What was I thinking? This was Draco Malfoy we were talking about. I shouldn't have been surprised. It was then that Harry was able to break free of Hermione's weak hold and he lunged toward Draco…but Draco got there first. The force of his fist looked immense as it collided with Harry's gut and then his left eye. I watched in horror as Harry Potter was beaten to a pulp by the same boy who had called me beautiful and talented the night before. As Harry fell to the ground, Hermione and Ron flew over to him, kneeling by his side and eventually helping him stand, Ron shouting obscenities at Draco the entire time. The red head had an excuse.

The Draco saw me. I had imagined that he would've been remorseful or shocked…but no, of course not. Draco Malfoy looked at me and smirked coyly. I felt sick. The blood from Harry's broken nose stained 'The Slytherin Prince's' shirt. I glared at him before grabbing my things from under the tree and running off after 'The Golden Trio'. I finally caught up with them on the third floor, guessing that they were making their way to the Hospital Wing.

"Hermione, wait!" The brunette sneered at me and was about to say something that probably would be insulting but I didn't give her the chance "There's a shortcut through that tapestry." I pointed towards the golden material and followed them through it quickly. As I said, the hospital wing was just on the other side and the two of them lay Harry down on the bed and went to get Madam Pomfrey.

"Why did you help, you're in _Slytherin_." I was startled by the sound of Harry's voice but I soon recovered.

"Not all of us are like _him_, I promise." I paused "Listen…I saw everything that happened, if you want to go to Dumbledore…I'll back you up." His eyes widened at my act of good will.

"Thanks, umm…?"

"Nikki," I filled in the blank for him, not surprised that he didn't know my name. "I've got to go but…if you need me I'll be around…have a great summer." I turned and walked away from the battered hero and went straight to my dorm where I began packing my trunk for my own summer holidays.

~~x~~

I once again found myself sitting in the middle of my beloved music room only this time, my trusty black acoustic guitar was placed in my lap, my fingers mindlessly plucking and strumming away. It seemed unbelievable that tomorrow I would be leaving my school four a whole six weeks. Truth be told, I loved Hogwarts. Everything about it just invited you in, the smell, the feeling of belonging. And the _colours_. I could paint this bewitching castle over and over and still be excited by the vast range of colour use.

_So, we're alone again_

_I wish it were over_

_We seem to never end_

_Only get closer_

_To the point where I can take no more_

The song was by Joshua Radin, a muggle. But I daren't tell anyone. Muggle music was good too.

_The clouds in your eyes_

_Down your face they pour_

_Won't you be the new one burn to shine?_

_I take the blue ones every time_

_Walk me down your broken line_

_All you have to do is cry_

_Hush my baby now _

_Your talking is just noise and won't lay me down amongst _

_Your toys in a room where I can take –_

"Are you just good at everything?"

"Shit!" I jumped as the familiar voice came out of nowhere. I groaned silently and tilted my head back slightly. "Apparently not…I can't seem to get _you_ to leave me alone," I turned to the shadowed figure leaning against the door frame. "Now, am I going to have to find a new place to practice or are you going to _fuck off?!"_

"You can hide…I'll still find you." His tone sent shivers tingling down my spine. He slowly walked over to me and towered above my cross legged body. I sat on the floor frozen stiff as he bent down to my eye level, his nose almost teasing mine. "_I'll always find you," _his voice was husky and laced with an emotion that I had no name for nor did I recognize. "_Nikki Isabella Millie Valentine." _How the fuck did he know my full name?

"How?" I started but fell silent as he brought up the back of his warm hand to slowly caress my right cheek bone. I couldn't help but let out an embarrassing breath that I did not realize I was holding in.

"Sshhh," He whispered as his eyes bore into my own. "You really have no idea do you?" He slowly brought his face closer and skimmed his nose across my cheek. "No idea what effect you have on me…or _how long_ you've had this effect on me." I could feel myself slowly start to melt into his touch when suddenly, all the events of that day came flooding back and I pushed against his chest to get him off of me.

"_Never_ touch me again." I warned solemnly. "What you did today…was despicable." I continued, "You make me sick, you're just a poor little arrogant rich boy who thinks that he can _fuck_ people over without paying the consequences." I slowly stood up to face him, even though he was a foot taller than me. "Did you really think that I would ever be able to look at you the same way again? I mean even before this I knew you were pathetic…but now when I look at you…all I see is a spoiled _little_ boy who one day will get what is coming to him." I stepped up close to him, sure that the venom in my words was billowing out of my eyes. "_You disgust me_." I walked away, my things under my arm but just as I got to the door, I turned to him with a smirk.

"_Have a lovely summer, Draco." _

~~x~~

**I hope you liked it, more to come soon. This is just an idea that popped into my head ages ago and has been saved on my computer for ages. Please REVIEW because I **_**love**_** hearing from you as it gives me inspiration and motivation to update faster…**

_**I'll love you forever,**_

**.love**


	2. Then Love Until We Bleed

Never Leave Me

Chapter Two: Then Love Until We Bleed

_So we're bound to linger on_

_We drink the fatal drop_

_Then love until we bleed_

_Then fall apart in parts_

_You wasted your times_

_On my heart_

_You've burned_

_Kleerup – Until We Bleed_

_**I dedicate this chapter to a **__**girl I knew**_

_**Aimee, I'm sorry that you thought there was no other way out**_

I awoke the next day to the sound of running water. Daphne was in the shower. Today was _the_ day. The day where everyone would be excited and anxious and buzzing and nervous all at the same time. I on the other hand, would be relaxed and calm. I had packed the previous night as to take my mind off of the '_incident'_ that had occurred. It didn't work. I could still feel the anger as it burned holes through my veins. That vile boy had no idea what it was like to lose the person that you loved most in the world. He just went about taunting people who did knowing that when he arrived back to the Malfoy Manor, he would have a loving mother and a doting father there to welcome him back with open arms. My brief encounter into Draco's life was over now. And I could not be happier about it even if I tried. I would just go back to my usual blending in and he would return to his arrogant form. Life would be good again with a hint of normality. Without opening my eyes I knew that my packed and almost ready trunk was placed to the right of my four poster bed. I say _almost_ because I had left a few things out the night before such as my toiletries and a spare set of clothes for travelling, plus I needed to pack my 'home made' pyjamas. Home made because I always just slept in a tee shirt and tiny boy shorts. Much more comfy on any count. Last night I had slept in an oversized 'Lost Prophets' tee shirt and a pair of red hot pants.

I eventually opened my eyes and a shiver coursed down my spine as I slowly sat up, swinging my bare legs of the side and removing the warm emerald duvet. I was always anything _but_ a morning person. _Anything_ but. Sure enough, my trunk was led on the floor in front of me. I had purposely left it open. All of my things were folded neatly, my clothes that I had chosen for travelling laid out flat on top. I had not packed my laptop, instead I had put it in an over the shoulder case so I would be able to take it onto the train. I thought it might pass the time. Or at least make the clock travel faster. The running water stopped and I could hear the shower door sliding open.

"Nikki, are you awake yet?" I heard my roommate's voice float in from the bathroom.

"Yes." I answered plainly, too groggy to think of some sarcastic remark. I glanced at the clock from the corner of my eye and saw that it was eleven thirty. Only an hour and a half until we absolutely _had_ to be on the train. It was safe to say that Daphne and I would be amongst the small group who almost miss the only ride home. We always were…it was more fun that way. "Hurry up and get out of there…I need to be clean too." Daphne walked out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her.

"You, clean…pfft." She dodged out of the way of my pillow just in time and laughed. "Go on, it's free…_dirty girl._" I just laughed and grabbed my things as I headed off to the adjoining room and shut the door behind me. I started the water running first, checking the temperature with my hands before shrugging out of my 'pyjamas' and slowly stepping into the steamy water, avoiding all contact with the mirror as I knew that my hair would be a tangled mess and last night's eye liner would have created think dark circles around my green eyes. The hot water felt so unbelievably good against my cold skin as I let it crawl over every square inch of my skin and slowly massaged my cherry scented body wash all over my body. I shampooed my hair twice before rubbing conditioner into my scalp and scrubbing my face. I then stood beneath the water and let it coarse down over my nose and closed eyelids before dropping down to the floor. I sighed and inhaled deeply before groaning, slowly turning off the heaven sent water and stepping hesitantly out of the shower cubicle. I turned to face the mirror and wiped my pale hand across the fogged up glass as to look at my reflection. My hair hung over my breasts in a wet and stringy fashion whilst little droplets of water made their way down to my navel and onto the cold tiled cream floor.

My eyes looked fresh and alert as they always did after a shower and my skin looked whiter than ever. A Japanese symbol hung on a thin black string around my neck. I never took that necklace off. It wasn't as if it were special or anything; I didn't even know what the symbol meant. I had been twelve when I had stuck a galleon in a small machine, turned a knob and out came a little ball which had my necklace inside. I hadn't taken it off since. I cleaned my teeth and sighed at my imperfections before thinking 'fuck it' and began to detangle my white blonde locks with a black wide toothed comb. After tackling my hair, I charmed it dry and back into its original white blonde waves and grabbed a towel to wrap around my naked form.

I exited the bathroom and saw that Daphne was nowhere to be seen and guessed that she had gone down for a bite to eat. I didn't blame her; _normal_ people felt the need to eat at least three times a day but not me. My appetite was tiny. I released the towel from my body and began to put on the matching red bra (size 32 C) and girl boxers before pulling on my denim skinny jeans, a black strappy vest top and a green checkered shirt that I left undone, my necklace hanging limply just above the small amount of cleavage that I had left showing. I charmed my discarded items into my dark brown leather trunk and closed the lid, my black travel and laptop bag slung across my shoulder. I glanced at the wall clock again, eleven o'clock. Plenty of time to put on my make up; pretend to eat (just to get Daphne off of my back) and double check that I had packed everything. I started with the first and drew my usual thin black eyeliner around my eyes and applied my clear lip balm and brushed my eyelashes with black chunky mascara.

I sighed in approval of my reflection before neatly making my bed and heading out of my dorm, through the basically empty common room and up the dungeon stairs towards the Great Hall in the hope that I would find my vanished roommate. I did. She was sat in the middle of the long Slytherin table talking to _Crabbe_. Well I had to congratulate her, how anyone could ever hold a semi meaningful conversation with that idiot was beyond my knowledge but there she was, flicking her blonde hair over her shoulder and looking deep in thought about what the two were chatting about. What had become of the world? Daphne and I (on many occasions) giggled about Crabbe and Goyle's plain stupidity. So what was she doing? I finally rested on the solution that Daphne must have been up to something. That was it. She was playing a trick on him. I did not want to interrupt their _little chat_ so I turned back around and made my way to my beloved music room to check that I had not left anything behind. I had charmed my guitar so that it was able to fit in a small case in my back pocket easily.

~~x~~

"Nikki, Come on, MOVE IT!" Daphne screamed at me as we raced towards the black metallic steam engine that the sound of a horn was coming from. This meant that we had less than eight seconds before the train began to move and we would be stranded in the middle of Merlin knows wherever in the world Hogwarts was. It was needless to say that _this_ was not good. We had never been this late before. I had just lost complete track of time as I sat mindlessly playing songs on that beautiful ivory grand piano in the music room. Luckily our trunks had already been sent off to the train's cargo hold otherwise there would be absolutely no chance. My sigh of relief was evidently loud as we jumped into the corridor; the door's sliding shut directly behind us.

"Oh thank Merlin," Daphne spoke for me as panted attempting to regain some of the breath that we had lost on our sprint against time. "Let's go." My best friend nudged me down the thin space and we began to peer in through the windows, searching for a near empty compartment. We knew that there was absolutely no hope whatsoever of finding an empty one. At this rate, we would've been lucky to find one with less than _five_ people in it, never mind three.

"I'll go that way," I pointed in the opposite direction. "And if either of us finds one we'll run back and get each other."

"Yeah, sure. I'll see you later." Daphne smiled before turning her back on me and carrying on checking compartments. I turned and moved down the corridor with no luck at all. People were crammed in compartments; I believe I saw one with at least twelve people in it. There was absolutely no fucking way. I wasn't exactly claustrophobic but _that_ is just taking the piss. I peaked into compartment G3 and saw 'The Golden Trio' laughing and talking about Quidditch. Harry caught my eye and just before I could divert myself from his gaze he seemed to smile at me. A gesture in which I did not return. Just because I checked to see if he was okay yesterday and offered to do the right thing did most certainly _not_ make us friends.

Just as I was about to give up hope and turn back around, a robed arm hooked around my chest and pulled me into the nearest compartment from behind.

"What the fuck?!" I was cut off when my petite body was slammed into the now closed compartment door. I grimaced in pain as tears threatened to fall. I closed my eyes and counted to three before opening my eyelids and staring solemnly into those cold shining grey orbs that somehow were able to make my heart drop to the pit of my stomach. Wait…what? This was _Draco Malfoy_ we were talking about. He had no affect whatsoever on _my_ heart. Shit. I tried a different approach.

"_Draco_," I sighed "_What are you doing_?" If I had as much affect on him as he let on the previous night then it shouldn't have been too hard to pull some strings and exit the situation unscathed. I realised almost instantly that my plan was _not_ going to work. His eyes were venomous. _Seriously_. I cut practically feel them cutting into my soul and searing my insides. I realised that at that point in my life I was actually scared. I was petrified…but for all of the wrong reasons. I was not afraid of him hurting me or anything like that. I feared because at that moment I felt guilty for ever being the cause of his anger…and that was _wrong_. He had _always_ been everything that I had ever despised in life, everything that I believed was wrong with the world. And now, as I felt his body pressing against mine, all I could think about was running my tongue against his bottom lip. What the _fuck _was happening? Then he spoke, and my eyes were drawn from his perfectly sculpted lips back up to those fierce eyes.

"_No one_ _speaks to me like that,"_ He slowly brought his pale hand up to my chin and for a second, I honestly believed that he was going to caress my skin like he had done before. But I guess I was just stupid. He snapped my chin back up so I had no where to look but his searing hot eyes. I swallowed nervously and bit my lip. "_No one._" It was final, a fact. And it chilled me to the core. His voice was husky and aggressive and…_threatening_. I didn't even want to imagine what he would have done to me had I have fought against him. I felt a sharp twinge at my left wrist that was also pinned against the door and saw his hand clamped tightly around my wrist.

"You're hurting me," I didn't mean for it to come out like a broken whimper, but my heart just wouldn't let me be strong at that point in time and I loathed myself for that. He held his murderous gaze for a couple of seconds longer before slowly lowering his vision to his vice like hand. He didn't release the pressure, or let go instantly and apologize. Instead, the boy who had been in my head for three days now, drew is head back up to catch my eyes and slowly leaned in so that I could feel his hot breath brush against my nose.

"_Good_." He raised his other hand that had previously been clutching my neck and placed the side of his palm on my shoulder blade, allowing his finger to press hard against my neck. "Maybe now you'll know to do _exactly_ as I say." I swallowed down the lump in my throat and plucked up the courage to speak.

"You don't mean that, Draco." He lips contorted into a cruel smirk as a slight chuckle escaped his lips.

"Don't you get it?" He taunted me, "_I own you_." I released the breath that I had been holding in since I last spoke, "You are my toy that I will play with until I am bored, it's the way the world works." He leaned in close again. If I had moved simply a millimetre then we would have been caught in a heated kiss…but that was not _his_ wish. I understood that now. I understood everything perfectly. I was an object to him. A small fragile _pathetic_ object. The he and I both knew that he could break in less than two seconds flat. Emotionally and physically. I was him puppet. I was his, full stop. Whether I wanted it or not. Everything had happened so unbelievably fast. My head hurt as I though of what my life had been like four days ago.

Four days ago…I had been content; I had accepted my life as it was. I thought that I had led a good life. Nothing too plain, nothing too extravagant. Just the way I had always wanted it to be. But that was the problem, I had been happy with a perfectly _average _life. A life that had never even glimpsed real excitement or adventure. And by convincing myself that I was okay with that had made me myself believe it. And then Draco came along. That night had changed _everything_. And I was glad that it did. And even though he was at that moment pressing me against a door until it hurt, I knew that I _needed _him. In a way he was my saviour. In these four days, he had shown me more of the thrill that life could hold than _anyone _had ever done before. I had spent two of those days trying to ignore him and yet he _still_ was able to tug at my mind as if he were always stood right next to me.

My entire essence of being had become accustom to him, had begun to _breathe_ Draco Malfoy. He was my air supply, my personal cocaine concocted of icy grey eyes and pale blonde hair. He was right. Of course he was right…_he_ was always right. _He owned me_, and for the first time in my life…I was unsure of what was to become of my life, of which paths I would take. It was exhilarating, _intoxicating._ _He owned me_.

I was drawn back from my epiphany by the sound of his raged breath pulsating in my ear. And before I was really conscious of what I was doing, I closed that dangerously small gap between us and crushed his lips against my own. For a second, I thought that he wasn't going to respond or that he would push me off him in disgust (the thought alone caused me physical pain), but then I felt his mouth begin to move against my own and he slowly release his hold on my arms and brought his hands to my hips, pushing them against his own. I wrapped my now free arms around his neck and pulled upwards to deepen the kiss. I traced my tongue over his bottom lip and he parted them eagerly and took my tongue into his mouth where it crashed against his, fighting for dominance. The sensation of being so close to him was incredible, unbelievable. I could feel the heat as it rushed to my lower body. This was my first ever proper kiss, and now I _knew_ what all the fuss was about. Damn right, too.

But then I felt his cold hands attempt to unbutton my jeans and I knew that my paradise would have to end soon before I ended up loosing my virginity on a public train, with four walls that I'm pretty sure weren't sound proof. I slowly left his eager lips and slowly drew back from his enticing touch to really look at him. If the moment hadn't have been so _involved_ then I would've laughed. His hair was ruffled and messy with odd bits sticking up here and there whilst his lips were covered in my pale lip balm. I moved forward again to plant one last kiss on his beautiful lips before whispering into his ear

"Have a _great_ summer, Draco." Before turning on my heel, sliding open the compartment door and walking swiftly down the corridor in search of my best friend, not looking back once.

~~x~~

I was sat in compartment H2 with my apple mac resting on my lap as I edited and tweaked one of my original songs. How in Merlin's name Daphne had _ever_ been able to secure an almost empty compartment was beyond me. Daphne was asleep next to me whilst on the opposite seat sat two seventh years who slightly unnerved me, but that was only natural in the 'high school' society. I hadn't really acknowledged them throughout the rest of the journey, but it was only when my music came to an end and I was just about to search for another song when I caught a snippet of what the two girls were saying.

"…if he's a fifth year, he's fucking hot." I concentrated on their conversation as I pretended to be watching the diamond screen in front of me. I knew who they were talking about, for _fucks sake_…a blast ended skrewt could tell just _who_ they were talking about. The girl who had said that had dark mahogany hair and the stickers on her bag informed me that she was a member of the Ravenclaw house. She was quite pretty, with sparkling blue eyes and tanned high cheekbones. Plus the bra that she had on made her cleavage huge so I would've guessed that fact would work in her favour. "I mean…he's got that whole 'bad boy' thing going on. Every time I see him I just want to scream '_Fuck me!'_ at the top of my lungs." The other girl laughed before moving to state her own opinion.

"Also, now I think about it, he does come from a wealthy upbringing." She seemed lost in thought, "So not only would you have _great_ sex _every _night, you'd also be loaded. That sounds like a pretty good package deal to me."

"I bet it is a _really_ good package as well." Both girls erupted into fits of laughter at their own vulgarity and I was had to force myself to repress the urge to scream at the top of _my_ lungs '_I just made out with that package, and trust me…he'd never even give you a chance'_ but luckily, I was able to hold it…I didn't want two seventh years on my case for the remaining hour of the train journey.

"I can't believe how lucky Jenna Carter is though, getting a date with _that_ fine piece." My heart stopped beating.

"When did he ask her anyway?"

"Yesterday I think, apparently they've already…you know," she raised her eyebrows "done the deed."

I felt sick.

But then I remembered those heart shattering words that he had spoken to me not two hours ago,

'_You are my toy that I will play with until I am bored, it's the way the world works'_

That fucking bastard was trying to make me jealous…_and it was working_. He was playing me, everything was a game to him, _everything._ And for a moment I had gotten lost in his alluring gaze and that pale skin that held so much promise. I had forgotten that he was _Draco Malfoy._ Whenever he set out on a new path, people got hurt…always, no exceptions. But since the thought of leaving him made my heart literally hurt then I would just have to play along by his rules. Well, for now.

~~x~~

The cold sharp air stung my face as I stepped my foot down onto platform nine and three quarters, my travel bag slung securely across my shoulder. Knowing my father, he would be at least fifteen minutes late but I still felt a slight tug at my chest when I saw that I was right, and he was not waiting for me with open arms like all the other parents were. I sighed and laughed at myself for allowing hope to form. I had said my goodbye to Daphne on the train, because the second the steam engine crawled to a halt, my best friend ran off to her family as she had to be at her internship the very next day. I was proud of her, truly but that didn't change the fact that this summer was going to be very, _very _boring. But oh well, I could probably use the time to focus on my music. Just me, my macbook, my guitar and the beautiful white grand piano that my father had gifted me for my eleventh birthday.

I walked glumly over to a black bench that's only other occupant was an old woman who was dressed in an emerald green skirt suit and clutching a red purse tightly in her hands. I sat down and began drumming my fingers on my knees softly as to pass the time. I'd probably be doing that for the next six weeks. I watched silently as a boy who looked like he was a first year run up to the old woman to my right and give her a tight hug.

"Grandma!" The black curly haired boy cried as he hugged his grandmother tightly. Again, I thought that I was going to be sick. Public displays of family emotions really made my stomach churn. It wasn't because I had had a deprived childhood or I was jealous or anything, I just wasn't into the whole 'affection' thing. I played along with my father, just to make him happy of course. I cringed noticeably as the boy told the old woman that he missed and loved her and couldn't wait to get home. They walked off hand in hand and disappeared through the brick wall.

"It's good to know that I'm not the only one who finds that revolting." I smiled as Blaise Zabini sat down by my side, closer than I would've liked but I wasn't in the mood to argue. Just as long as he stayed where he was and didn't try anything. "So who's picking you up, Nikki?"

"My father, actually…but he's usually late to theses sorts of things."

"Sorts of things?" Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a certain blonde and pale boy staring over to where I sat with the Italian stallion.

"You know, trains, appointments…birthdays." Blaise laughed.

"Yeah, my parents aren't really ever 'on time' either," he joked. "Anyway…since we're both going to be bored senseless this summer, do you want to meet up…hang out?"

"How do you know it's going to be boring for me? For all you know, I could have a line of hot guys queued up for this summer." I raised my eyebrows and I could've sworn that I saw a slight blush appear on his cheeks.

"Well…um…I sort of ran into Daphne and we got talking and…yeah." He looked uncomfortable, and I took joy in making him squirm.

"So you've been doing your research?" He didn't answer and decided to stare at something insignificant on the floor, refusing to meet my gaze. "Good," his eyes shot up, puzzled "Now we can skip the part where we tell each other our life stories." He sighed in release and brought his tanned hand up to run through his hair. Once again, I caught sight of Draco who had not moved a muscle and was still staring at us, probably attempting to hear the content of our flirtatious conversation. I leaned down to grab a quill from my bag before grabbing Blaise's hand and writing my address in neat hand writing. "Owl me, and we'll arrange our little get together." I smiled at him and he returned the smile. He was rather handsome. I leaned forward and planted a faint kiss on his bronzed cheek and made sure to look Draco directly in the eye as I did so. I smirked at him as I saw the venom flood into his eyes. He had no right to be angry; this had never been against his rules. But I still felt a small glow of joy to know that I, little Nikki Valentine, was making 'The Slytherin Prince' jealous. "I'll see you around, Blaise." I stood up from the bench and turned to the crowd pretending to be looking for someone.

"You too, Nikki." I heard Blaise's voice over the crowd and smiled.

~~x~~

"Hello, princess!" My father's voice was warm and filled with love as I slid into the backseat of the sleek black limousine that would be taking me back to my 'ever so homely' five storey townhouse. He pulled my hand and closed in on me for a hug which I returned and patted him on the back awkwardly.

"Hi, Dad. What've I missed?" I listened to him as he babbled on about things that had happened with the record company and how some new artists had joined that he saw a lot of potential in. I nodded and smiled at all the right places. I found myself doing that a lot lately, pretending. But it was better this way than to hurt their feelings by _obviously_ not paying attention. My father looked good, brilliant in fact. After my mother's death he had never really been the same. But now, he looked almost back to normal. He was wearing black robes with his dark brown hair combed back smartly. His emerald eyes looked almost _happy_. He looked at me quizzically. Shit! He must have asked me a question. Oh crap!

"Um…yeah sure Dad, that's fine." He smiled at me and looked relieved.

"Nikki, you're a sweetheart. It'll only be for the last four weeks of the holidays so until then you and I can spend some father/daughter quality time together, I know we haven't done that in a long time and I'm sorry about that." Wait, what?

"Sorry, Dad. Where are you going exactly?"

"South America, Cuba to be exact. You know, that new band I was telling you about…The Grim Pixies?"

"Oh yeah, sure, the Grim Pixies…totally" I couldn't help but feel the surge of disappointment that overwhelmed my heart. I turned to look out of the window and tilted my head up to try and return the tears that were threatening to fall down my cheeks. I _never_ cry, _never_. I felt my father's fingertips softly hold my chin as he turned me to face him.

"I'm sorry, Nikki. I know that it's been tough these past years but please try to remember…I'm doing all of this" he gestured around the interior of the limousine "for you. So that you can have everything that you could ever dream of…because I could never do that for your mother." I took a sharp intake of breath. My father and I _never_ talked about my mother, it was like a taboo. "I love you, princess." 

"I love you too, Dad." I smiled at him and patted a hand on his shoulder to make him believe that I was okay. It seemed to work as he smiled back before opening his leather briefcase, pulling out a quill and beginning to fill in some papers that I didn't care enough about to try and get a closer look. I turned back to the window and gazed out at the passing street, spotting out who were muggles and who were wizards or witches.

~~x~~

I sighed as I stared down out of my bedroom window that was situated on the third floor. My father waved up at me from our little front garden and smiled as I waved back. He then disappeared from all possible sight as he apparated to the other side of the world leaving me to fend for myself for four weeks. The House Keeper, Maria had been asked by my father to check up on me every three days just to make sure that I was doing okay. She had been thrilled; she had always treated me like I was her own daughter, especially since her baby girl died at birth eight years ago. I guess I was sort of like the daughter that she never had.

The past few weeks had been quite fun. I had spent most of it with my father apart from the times when he would be called into a meeting or there was a crisis at work. I had gone to the studio a couple of times with him. Anthony was in charge of the technical side of the music and had been showing me the ropes to some of the equipment. He had left school early for a job in music and I admired that, although I would never even dare dream of doing that to my father.

But yes, it had been fun. And now it was over. My father had vanished away to Cuba and had left little Nikki Valentine staring out of the window had the space in which he had been not twenty seconds ago, like he had done so many times before.

I grabbed my guitar from its smooth black stand and began to play the first thing that popped into my head.

_Have you ever thought about what protects our hearts?_

_Just a cage of rib bones and other various parts._

_So it's fairly simple to cut right through the mess,_

_And to stop the muscle that makes us confess._

_And we are so fragile,_

_And our cracking bones make noise,_

_And we are just,_

_Breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys._

_You fasten my seatbelt because it is the law._

_In your two ton death trap I finally saw._

_A piece of love in your face that bathed me in regret._

_Then you drove me to places I'll never forget._

_And we are so fragile,_

_And our cracking bones make noise,_

_And we are just,_

_Breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys._

I jumped and almost dropped my black acoustic guitar when a tapping sound at the window interrupting my cover of Ingrid Michealson's _'Breakable'_. I turned to the glass to see a charcoal grey owl looking at me with a look of impatience. Not wanting to upset the owl, I smiled at it apologetically before opening my window and grabbing the note from its sharp talons. It flew away before I had time to say thank you. I unfolded the crisp cream parchment and red the inked words.

_So, about that get together?_

_Diagon Alley._

_We can get our school stuff and get some lunch._

_Saturday, Three o'clock outside 'The Leaky Cauldron'_

_Also, you should bring a spare change of clothes,_

_There's a party at a friend of mine's that we should attend,_

_- Blaise _

A party? Oh Merlin, it sounded like my idea of hell. A bunch of horny teenagers and alcohol. Probably drugs. But then I thought about it. What was there to stop me…as long as I didn't _do_ anything, only have a couple of drinks. Actually, the more I thought about it, the more appealing it began to sound. I grabbed the nearest quill and turned over Blaise's letter to write my reply.

_It's a date_

I didn't bother putting my name, he wasn't exactly stupid. I attached the letter to my snowy white owl, Maisie, before walking over to my walk in wardrobe and flicking through my clothes looking for suitable attire. After all…it was already Thursday. I had a really good idea about this weekend.

~~x~~

**What did **_**you **_** think? So, next chapter we have…**

**Nikki's 'date' with Blaise. Will a certain arrogant blonde get in the way?**

**The party. Would Nikki ever **_**do**_** anything?**

**Please**** tell me what you thought of this chapter and what you think of this story. I **_**love**_** to hear from you. I can also promise you that in the next chapter there will be ****a****lot**__**more Draco/Nikki moments…**_**A LOT!**_

_**I'll love you forever,**_

**.love**


	3. What If I Fall Further Than You?

Never Leave Me

Chapter Three: What If I Fall Further Than You?

_What if we stop having a ball?_

_What if the paint chips from the wall?_

_What if there's always cups in the sink?_

_What if I'm not what you think I am?_

_What if I fall further than you?_

_What if you dream of somebody new?_

_What if I never let you win, chase you with a rolling pin?_

_Well what if I do?_

_Ingrid Michealson – Giving Up_

Saturday. The day that had been swimming through my mind for the past forty eight hours had finally arrived. Truth be told, I was actually rather nervous about this whole thing. It was my first ever 'date'. And it had come on so quick, too. Blaise was notorious at our school, and he was taking _me_ (the girl who hardly ever talked to anyone without force) around Diagon Ally and then to a party which would be attended by the supposed _cool_ people in our school…and strangely enough _I_ could not wait. But I didn't know why. Was it because I wanted to be a part of that? No fucking way, I would rather die than be friends with the girls of that group. Or was it because I was hoping that a certain 'Slytherin Prince' would be there? No, no way…right? I was with Blaise and I was very much looking forward to being in his company. Shit.

I was currently stepping out of my ensuite bathroom with a towel rapped around my wet body as I made my way to my wardrobe where I had prepared my outfit two nights earlier. I pulled out a pair of denim leggings, a long white vest top with a picture of The Weird Sisters' lead singer on it and a black leather jacket. On my feet I would be wearing a pair of plain black dolly shoes and around my neck I would wear my Japanese symbol (as always) and a long black beaded necklace. I dried my body before getting dressed and applying my usual black ring of eyeliner and pale lip balm before (since I couldn't use my wand because of the whole 'school' thing) painting my nails until they were coated in thick black nail varnish. I _loved _my wand. It was sleek, completely white and utterly beautiful. It was made from unicorn hair and phoenix feather. It had been the first wand that I had tried at Ollivander's and it had been with me ever since.

I dried my hair into its natural white blonde waves and began to pile my chosen clothes for that night into a small black over the shoulder bag that I had charmed so that you could put absolutely any number of things in it. I stepped out into the hallway to ask the talking grandfather clock for the time to which it replied "Twelve minutes to two o'clock." I thanked him and returned to my room. I looked around the room for a while thinking of what to do to pass the time as I would use the floo network to get to Diagon Alley and that would only take a matter of seconds. I had decorated my room myself. It was the master bedroom as my father recognized that I was a girl therefore I needed more things than him for example a dressing table and the biggest wardrobe in the house. My queen sized bed had a white duvet with the Japanese symbol around my neck painted on the front in silver. I had had them especially made. Behind my bed was my graffiti wall. I called it that because every two years, I would paint it entirely black and continue to paint whatever came into my head over the next year. The biggest thing on there was a bright red rose that seemed to bleed and a large white tiger. Just above my bed were the words

_He was crippled but only his body was cracked_

_It's not simple nor is it an easy matter to explain _

'_Let's just leave it at that', she says_

_And closes the holy book of lies_

_She covers her eyes, denying to herself what she thought happened_

It wasn't my own. Just a mere copy of something that I had seen on the internet ages ago. It was from what the muggles called a _movie_ or something, but I never found out which one. Then on my right wall, where my windows were, were several framed picture records including _The Sex Pistols _'Never mind the bollocks, here's the Sex Pistols' which had been valued at about eighteen thousand galleons and _The Beatles _'Please Please Me' which was both of the bands' debut albums. Ii was safe to say that even if my dad's record label went bust, we'd still be loaded. I glanced at the third door that lead from my room and new that behind that white wood there were at least seven thousand picture discs with prices ranging from two thousand to seventy four thousand galleons. My economical future was set in stone regardless of my father's choices.

My other two walls were covered from ceiling to floor with band and artists posters and drawings.

I drew open the curtains and made my bed. I seriously hated this whole 'no magic' thing. I was perfectly responsible with my wand, only using it for good deeds such as drying my hair and tidying my room. I checked back at the clock and saw that it was half two. Half an hour left. But when I thought about it, it would probably be best if I get there fifteen minutes early. After using the floo network my hair would be all over the place and I was sure that my clothes would be dusty. I sighed before grabbing my back and trudging down the spiral open plan staircase down into the cream living room where the marble fireplace took its refuge.

I knew that I should probably have eaten something, but I just wasn't hungry at all. I knew that my father and my friends were getting worried and suspicious even though I had tried to tell them countless times that I had not reverted to the old days, that I would never want to do _anything_ to _ever_ go back to the clinic at St. Mungoes where they practically force fed me. I shook my head; I didn't like remembering those times. I glanced at the clock on the wall and saw that it was quarter to. I stood up and walked under the tall fireplace, it wasn't fair that everyone except me had to duck, even Daphne.

The feel of the floo powder in my hand was horrible, all grainy and dry. But nevertheless, I stood upright confident and made sure that I spoke loudly and clearly when I commanded 'Diagon Alley!' I closed my eyes as I dropped the floo powder onto the marble tiled floor, knowing what was about to come. I didn't want to face that surge of green with my eyes open thank you very much. I could feel my stomach flipping as I was transported to the Wizarding world of London. I felt my feet land firmly on solid ground as the atmosphere around me changed. Without evening opening my eyes, I knew that I was stood in one of the many floo portals down a side street just left of Gringotts bank on the infamous Diagon Alley.

All around me I could hear the sounds of people chatting, laughing, rushing and I could sense the amazing feeling of belonging that always came to a witch or wizard when walking through this street. I opened my eyes and a small smile touched my lips as I saw the bright and vibrant colours that decorated everywhere in sight. I stepped out of the floo powder booth and stopped next to a shiny black shop window and groaned when I saw that my hair was indeed a total mess and my clothes were covered with that fucking floo powder. I used the window as a mirror, not caring if anyone was on the other side and smoothed down my hair with my hands and brushed off my denim leggings and black leather jacket. There had to be a cleaner was of teleportation because the floo network was well and truly shit. I sighed. I guess my appearance would have to do, there was no way I was going through that bloody process just to change and then have the same thing happen all over again.

"Excuse me, would you happen to know the time?" I asked a middle aged short red headed woman who was clutching a shopping bag whilst trying to hurry her also redheaded (what I guessed) daughter along. The woman turned to me and smiled.

"Of course, dear. It's five to three sweetheart." Her smile was beautiful, wise and kind, just the way that smiles should be, just as my smiles weren't

"Thank you, have a good day." I had no idea where this sudden niceness had come from, but somehow this woman's whole nature seemed to remind me of my mother.

"You too, dear. Ginny!" I smiled as I watched them round the corner and vanish from my line of sight, before turning on my heel and heading off in the direction that lead to the local pub.

~~x~~

"I'm glad to see you made it," Blaise's smooth voice drifted into my ears from behind as I sat at a table in the corner of the smoky dark pub. "But how may I ask, did little Nikki Valentine _ever_ managed to get served at a gentlemen's pub?" He took a seat beside me and gestured towards the shot of fire whiskey that I had been sipping at ever so steadily. I turned my head to his and smiled in what I hoped was a coy way.

"Magic." He laughed at my simple answer even though he knew it couldn't be true. The truth was that I had always come here regularly due to my father's meetings and such, the landlord had taken a shine towards me and I had been able to get alcohol ever since I was thirteen, nothing too large of course, but a shot glass of whiskey was just about right. "So…Blaise Zabini," I bit my bottom lip before continuing "what's on the agenda for today?"

"Well, I thought that you could assist me in doing some personal errands and then we could shop…and…chat." He smirked at me and I had absolutely no idea where this entire sexy attitude in me was coming from.

"Chat?" I smirked at him. "Sounds great, shall we be off?" I stood up and he helped me shrug into my leather jacket. "Such a gentleman you are."

"Well that's me," He leaned in closer and whispered huskily "Always doing _anything_ to please a girl." His voice was laced with that same unrecognisable emotion like Draco's was that night. It was also laced with hidden innuendo that I took pleasure in knowing that I was part of this boy's wild fantasies. Of course nothing would ever happen between us…but I needed Draco to know that he could not control me, even if I knew otherwise. Having _him_ know that would be like surrendering, letting him know that he had won…and _that_ could not happen.

"Good," I whispered back, leaning close to his ear "That fact might come in handy tonight." Poor boy, I watched as his eyes lit up in excitement of what he believed were to come. Silly, _silly_ boy. "Let's go." I followed him out of the pub (taking a breath of fresh air as soon as I was free) and down a small side street, I knew he was taking me to Knockturn Alley. But I was too damn curious about that place than to ask him if we could go somewhere else. I let him grab my hand and guide me down the narrow and gloomy looking street and wasn't at all surprised when he didn't let go as we entered the shop _Borgin and Burkes._ Instead he pulled me close to his side as we stepped towards the rather grubby looking man behind the counter.

"Master Zabini," nodded the man in our general direction.

"Borgin…I was asked to come and check that everything was in order for tomorrow night." The grubby man stood up and reached for something on the counter behind him. He turned around to face us and scooted his 'falling apart' glasses up his rather large nose. His eyes flew to Blaise before settling on me which it was safe to say, really freaked me out. Blaise seemed to notice this.

"She's okay, a pure Slytherin and a friend of mine. She's fine." I knew that Blaise had meant that it was okay to discuss whatever issues needed sorting around me, but Borgin just leered at me and licked his chapped lips.

"She is indeed." He began to take a step closer but Blaise (thank Merlin!) stepped in front of me and glowered at the perverted old man.

"You will treat her with the same respect that you treat me…and _my father_." Blaise was threatening the man, and I was grateful for it as the man grunted slightly before returning back behind the counter.

"Thank you," I whispered in my Italian boy's ear from behind, I placed a chaste kiss at the nape of his neck as he stepped forward to the counter.

"So, is everything going according to plan?" Blaise questioned the man again.

"Yes, everything is all set for tomorrow night. Just tell Master Malfoy to be here on tim-" Blaise interrupted him as he spoke.

"Master Malfoy will be here whenever _he_ sees fit." The two men regarded each other for a while and I could feel the tension bubbling up all around the room. "We'll be on our way, I'll see _you_ tomorrow." He didn't wait for Borgin to reply as he ushered me out of the gloomy shop and onto the shady street. "I'm sorry about _him_." Blaise jerked his head in the direction of the shop. "I think it's safe to say that he hasn't _had _any in a _long _time." I laughed as we emerged back onto the warm and open Diagon Alley,

"It's okay…"I thought I might as well push my luck, seeing as I had nothing to loose. "So are you going to tell me what's happening tomorrow?" He paused before looking at me and stopping in his tracks. He glanced around him but seeing as we were basically the only people left on the street except from a couple of teenage girls he seemed to deem it safe.

"There is an object in that shop and it is crucial that Draco reserves that object and gets to know it inside and out. He will have that opportunity tomorrow night." He spoke in a hushed tone.

"Okay, but why?" I matched his quiet voice with my own whisper.

"Well, now that his father has been locked up…the Malfoy family name sort of rests on Draco's head." What the _fuck_?

"Wait, Lucius Malfoy has been arrested?" He looked at me skeptically and laughed.

"Have you been living under a fucking rock? It's been in the papers for weeks. It happened the night before we left…but Narcissa felt it best to tell him in person as soon as he got home." Well that was news to me.

"I guess I just don't read the paper a lot. I'm more of a magazine type of girl…" I didn't know whether to ask the next question or not. But temptation got the better of me. "How did Draco take it?"

"Okay actually, let's just say that he has been given things that will take his mind off it and keep him busy." I wasn't going to ask what this 'thing' was, I would find out in good time. "Anyway, Madam Malkin's?" He pointed towards the shop with the dressed up mannequins in the window display.

"Sure." He pulled me to the shop by my hand (which he had not let go of since Knock Turn Alley) and I could hear the ringing of a bell has soon as we opened the door and closed it behind us. I had always loved this shop as a little girl; it came a close second to the music shop just down the street. Madam Malkin was sifting through a rack of dresses and she smiled as soon as she saw us.

"Ah, welcome to Madam Malkin's." I smiled back at her "Is there anything in particular that I can help you with?"

"Well, if you don't mind…" Blaise started with a smirk on his tanned face "we'd like to take a look at your lingerie colle-" I clamped my hand over his mouth.

"Sorry…you know men." I smiled at her apologetically and she nodded as to accept of my apology. "Actually, I was wondering if we could maybe see your summer dress robes if possible."

"Of course it is, just come this way." Madam Malkin beckoned me to follow her as she lead Blaise and I to the back of the shop floor and brought out a rack with thirty or so dresses hanging in clear plastic bags. "I'll be behind the counter if you need anything, petal."

"Thank you." She nodded before returning to the other side of the shop. "I cannot believe _you_ just said that!" I whispered to Blaise giggling. "I think I've just died of embarrassment." I smacked his arm playfully.

"I couldn't resist, it was just _too_ easy." I gave him a stern look before breaking out into fits of laughter. "Besides…I like to see you laugh." I stopped laughing as he brought a hand up to caress my cheek. I smiled. It just wasn't the same. Blaise was actually turning out to be quite a nice person, not at all like I had believed. It wasn't fair to do this to him, but this night was important and at the moment we were both happy, why should I ruin that? We were just having fun.

"I like you making me laugh." I bit my lip and smiled. "Now, if you're lucky, I'll let you help me pick out something to try on. Sound good?" I said as I examined the dresses on the clothes rack.

~~x~~

I had tried on two summer dresses. The first was a bright blue halter neck that worked wonders for my breast whilst the second was a floaty floral print dress that complemented my short legs tremendously. I tried to stop Blaise buying me the second dress, but he said that if I wasn't going to by it for myself then he simply _had_ to. Plus he said that I looked breathtaking in it. I was currently still in the changing room, getting changed into the clothes that I had brought for this 'party' thing that Blaise and I were going to in about ten minutes. I had chosen a dark purple mini dress that was plain but floated out with underskirts around my hips. On my feet, were black knee high peep toe boots and I still wore my necklaces and black leather jacket and of course, my trusty black bag. Blaise was at the counter paying (I still couldn't believe that he was buying me a three hundred galleon dress) whilst I stared at my appearance in the mirror, applying more eyeliner and lip gloss. I was still nervous.

"You ready, Nikki?" Blaise's voice called out through the thick red curtain. I called back a 'as I'll ever be' and opened the curtain. He was leaning against the wall, the paper carrier bag in his hand at his side. The utter definition of cool. "You look incredible." He raised his eyebrows and whistled under his breath.

"Shut up, you smooth talker." I chuckled and shrugged into my leather jacket. I felt his soft grasp on my arm as he turned me around to face him.

"No…"His brown eyes were warm "Seriously, you do, Nikki."

"Well in that case, thanks." I leaned up to give him a quick kiss on his bronzed cheek. "So, are we off?" He smiled and took my hand in his before leading me out of Madam Malkin's shop and down the now dark street of Diagon Alley. I noticed that Blaise's hand had released my own and now rested on the blower of my back guiding me through the streets. We passed the public toilets and Blaise stopped.

"I'm just going…" He gestured towards the door under the picture of a man.

"Okay…I'll be here." He smiled and kissed my hand before disappearing behind the large wooden toilet door. Not two seconds after Blaise had shut the door, I was slammed into the brick wall by the weight of another person.

"What the _fuck_ do you think you're playing at?" Draco's venomous breath stung my face as I attempted to wriggle free from his iron grip, but to no avail. He placed his hands on either side of my head so that there was no possible chance of escape, I should've known that earlier. There was no _escaping_ Draco Malfoy. I sighed and tried to close my eyes but he grabbed at my chin and jerked my head towards his face. "_Look_ at me when I am talking to you!" I gave up and attempted to answer him civilly.

"_I_, Draco…am on a date with a fellow pupil of mine."

"Well, _end it!" _His breathing was ragged and uneven. He was furious.

"Why should I do that?"

"Because…_I_ said so." He leaned in closer, his lips almost brushing against my own. "And you _will_ do as I say."

"You should go; Blaise'll be out in a minute."

"You're right…we shall discuss this later." Yeah right, because I was going to see _him_. He lowered his arms but then raised his hand and gently brushed the back of his fingers down my cheek before turning around and disappearing around the corner. Talk about mixed signals. Right on cue, the wooden door to my left opened and out came an oblivious Blaise with a smile on his Italian face.

"We set to go?" I asked him, returning the smile with one of my own.

"Yeah, we'll use floo to get to the party." Inwardly, I groaned but I put in a cheery front.

"Great, lead the way." His hand once again found the lower of my back as he slowly guided me back to the floo network portals. I was in a sort of trance state and wasn't really aware of anything around me. Draco _deserved_ this. I simply _had_ to show him that he could not own me. Even if _I _knew that I was his. These past few weeks Draco had been my everything. Everything that I though about, dreamed about. But I didn't want him to be. I didn't want to see his perfectly sculpted face every single time I closed my eyes. I didn't want to miss his presence as badly as I did but there you have it…I _needed_ him. The thought alone brought tears to my eyes, because I _knew _that it was true. So what was I going to do? I could just ignore him until my dying breath, or I could just kill him. But then again, the thought of life _without_ him also made a lump form in my throat.

One thing was certain. _Draco Malfoy_ was certainly going to be the fucking death of me, no matter what I did to try and prevent it. I took my hand and combed it through my hair nervously as we stepped into the portal, Blaise being such a gentleman and allowing me in first. His arm wrapped around my waist and he held on tight. I closed my eyes as he picked up the powder waiting for the uneasy feeling to take over me yet again. Blaise steadied his arms around me.

"Malfoy Manor!"

What the fuck? I felt the ground leave my feet. Holy shit! This could not be happening. Draco was right. I _was_ going to see him. For _fuck's_ sake!

~~x~~

_If you don't wanna be my best friend then why am I still in your bed?_

_If you can't stand the way I talk then why am I still here?_

_If we can't work it out then how about get your stuff and moving out?_

_If we can't be lovers again?_

_If I don't give you anything why are you still hanging on?_

_Why are you still hanging on?_

_Why are you still hanging on?_

_If you can't see I'm everything, I'm everything you'll ever need,_

_You must be out of your head_

_I don't know what planet you're on_

_But I wanna be on it with you_

_Don't know where you get off_

_I don't know what planet you're on but I wanna be on it with you_

_I wanna be on it with_

I recognized the song before I even opened my eyes. _What Planet You On?_ Bodyrox Feat. Luciana. It fitted the part atmosphere perfectly as I opened my eyes and saw people _everywhere_. Dancing, drinking, laughing, chatting and what I assumed to be groping. The music was so loud; the sound was beautiful as the base thrummed in my ears. Blaise gripped my hand tightly as he led me out of the stunning mahogany fireplace ad through the crowd of young adolescents. I followed him out of the house and into the garden where an insane amount of people were dancing around a pool. The music was obviously enchanted, as it was still just as loud out here as it was inside.

"Blaise?"

"Yeah?" We had stopped walking and were beginning to dance among everyone else.

"How do the Malfoy's get away with all of this underage magic?"

"They have some sort of 'security' thing over their property. It makes _all_ magic that takes place here undetectable. Draco's one lucky son of a bitch." He laughed and began to move closer so that our bodies moved together, almost touching. As I had dais before, there were people everywhere. Even outside, I was almost sweating from body heat alone.

"I'm going to go and get a drink; I'll be back in a minute."

"Sure, I need to talk to Crabbe anyway; the bar's the first door on the left once you've gone through the glass doors." He pointed behind my head. "Meet you back here in ten."

"Okay." He seemed to lean in for a kiss, but I wasn't quite sure if I was ready for that so I gave him my cheek instead and turned to the crowd, darting through any available space. The bodies around me didn't part so I found myself having to force my way through, creating a path by pushing and shoving. I eventually found myself practically falling through the open glass doors and having to stand on my tiptoes to try and see the bar door, I imagined that it would be open due to the excessive amount of alcohol abuse that was going on in Malfoy Manor. My tip toeing didn't work. I still could not see over the swarm of people. I was just about to ask someone for directions when I felt a muscular arm circle around my waist. At first I thought it was Blaise returning to me, but just as I was about to turn into his body and smile the arm tugged extremely hard on my waist, so hard that I think that I let out a yelp but my voice was drowned out by the too loud music and chattering of the crowd.

I _couldn't _turn around to see my 'kidnapper' if I wanted to. But whoever he was, he seemed to know his way around the gigantic manor house. We weaved in and out of people as if they weren't even there at all. The feeling of dread flew to the pit of my stomach. I knew who it was, of course I did. This was _his_ house for fuck's sake. I had been praying to Merlin that he wouldn't find me. I heard a door open and the next thing I knew I was being flung into a dark (what I assumed) cloak room. I saw the outline of his figure before he closed the door, trapping me on this small cramped space, _alone_ with him.

I couldn't see _anything._ I couldn't hear _anything._ It was as every sense except feel had been turned off. His cold hand was the first thing to touch me as it slid down to my lower back and pulled me closer to where he was obviously stood in front of me. Our bodies collided and I felt his lips on my forehead as he lowered his head slightly, his breathing was silent but I could still feel his ragged breaths against my face. I heard his lips open, as if he were to say something but the air around us remained silent. Finally, I spoke up.

"I'm just doing what you wanted Draco…" I tilted my head up, and though I could not see him…I knew that he was staring straight back at me. "I'm playing _your_ game." AS soon as I said that his breathing halted. Shit.

"Did you really think that it would be _that_ easy? That you could do that? _I own you. _I control you." He leaned in and whispered into my ear. "You _will_ do as I say; my every command." I needed to think about this. There was no way that he was letting me go of his own accord. I _had_ to be clever about this, _before_ someone opened that door and I, little Nikki Valentine, was known as the school slag. I'm sure Draco would _love_ that. He'd probably promote it on banners or something. I needed to use this current predicament to my advantage if I ever wanted to escape his hold.

I bit my lip nervously in the darkness before releasing it and slowly pressing my body closer to his so that every piece of my skin was in contact with his. I tilted my face to where I assumed his neck would be and slowly began to caress his cold skin with my lips, kissing and sucking very _very_ slowly. I knew how antagonizing that it would be for him.

"You need to calm down, Draco." I soothed in between kisses. I stood on my tip toes and moved my lips to his strong jaw line. His arms were beginning to loosen.

"You have to learn," My lips brushed against the corner of his mouth as I felt a bulge emerge in his pants…it was working "that the world does _not_ revolve around you." I gently placed a chaste kiss on his lips as to stop him from objecting. His arms had now fallen to my hips as he tried to push our waists together which was just as I had hoped. It was easy to step back, letting his hands fall from my hips, and silently travel over to where I hoped that the door was. I was in luck.

I turned the door knob and winced slightly as the harsh neon lights filled my eyes. I didn't look back at him, I didn't dare to. I knew that if I looked back that his face would be filled with menace.

I took out my white wand.

"_Accio Fire Whiskey!"_

Almost instantly, an open bottle sped towards my hand which I caught but only just. That was much simpler. I made a mental note to myself to ask my father (when or _if_ he ever returned) to see if we could have a 'security' thing put over our property so that I could have the same privileges that Draco had. I brought the fire whiskey bottle to my lips and took a heavy swig of the bitter alcohol. I winced as my taste buds reacted to it but then I paused. It didn't really taste _right_. Not at all normal. I lifted the bottle up to check the label. But it was just your average Fire Whiskey bottle. I shrugged and took another swig of the peculiar liquid. I just needed to get _very_ drunk, _very_ quickly. I didn't really care how I did it. I made my way once again through the never ending crowd of people, but Blaise found me first.

"Hey, where've you been?" His tone was casual, friendly…not at all overprotective or overpowering. I raised the whiskey bottle in my hand instead of really supplying him with an answer. He smiled and made an 'ah' sound before taking the bottle from my hands, tilting it towards his mouth and downing half of its contents.

"Fuck! That shit is strong!" I laughed at his grimace. His _two_ grimaces. My vision had doubled. I was sure that I hadn't drunk _that_ much. Blaise was saying something to me, but it was so muffled that I couldn't understand a single word of it. The last thing I remember, is watching Blaise's face twist in worry as I slowly fell to the floor and everything went black. Well that's just fucking great.

~~x~~

**What did ****you**** think? Good? Bad? So bad that you wish you could hit me? Next Chapter…**

**Where will Nikki be when she wakes up?**

**Who will be with her?**

_**A LOT **_**of Draco and Nikki moments next chapter, **_**A LOT. **_

_**I'll love you forever,**_

**.love**


	4. Far Away From The Memories

Never Leave Me

Chapter 4: Far Away From The Memories

_Far away_

_This ship is taking me far away_

_Far away from the memories_

_Of the people who care if I live or die_

_Starlight_

_I will be chasing the starlight_

_Until the end of my life_

_I don't know if it's worth it anymore_

_Muse - Starlight_

My head weighed a ton when I eventually woke up. Without opening my eyes to check the time, I knew that I had been asleep for _at least_ eleven hours. _Shit_. That meant that I would have high difficulties sleeping that night. The mattress and sheets duvet that surrounded me in a cocoon felt unfamiliar, a bit _too_ silky for my taste. But then where was I? Surely the only place that I would've slept would've been at home in my own soft white bed. But _this_ was most certainly _not_ my bed. Come to think of it…did I even go home last night? I tried to recall the previous hours of my consciousness but found that my memory had been cut short and the last thing that I remembered clearly was thinking that the bottle of Fire Whiskey in my hand tasted funny. I could feel my fore head crease as I attempted to put two and two together.

I gave up when another painful ache ricocheted through my heavy head. I groaned involuntarily before sighing and opening my eyes slowly, wincing as the light flooded my vision. My guess was correct, this was _not_ my room. As a matter of fact, my surroundings were entirely new to me.

I was lead in a mahogany four poster bed with emerald silk sheets and pillows. Intricate carvings of snakes were wrapped around the posts and two silver snakes made the shape of a crest on the cover of the emerald duvet. I peered around the room, not moving my head _too_ much. It was a large room, much bigger than my own. Two green leather sofas were in the right corner of the room like a personal living room and next to them were shelves and shelves of rather old looking books.

Sudden fear washed over me as the reality of my situation dawned on me. _I _was in a _stranger's bed_! I felt sick. I took a deep breath before slowly lifting my hand off of the top of the covers and placing it beneath the duvet. Well my dress was still on, that was something. I could already tell that I had no shoes on, but that wasn't exactly unnatural as I was in a bed. I bit my bottom lip in anticipation as my fingertips pulled up my dress.

"Thank Merlin," I sighed as I felt that my knickers were still intact. Hopefully this meant that I had not been date raped. I didn't feel sore anyway. So what now? I had absolutely no idea where the _fuck_ I was. I really had fucked up this time. I needed to examine my options. The first (and what my mind was screaming at me to do) was to run. But then again, I had not been touched. I was asleep in a nice warm bed of an obvious fellow Slytherin. It wasn't like I _hadn't_ been taken care of, quite the opposite actually. I was interrupted from my ponderings when a slight 'huh hmm' coughing noise came from the opposite side of the room.

And there he was. My so called saviour, whom I was sure, was soon to be the death of me. He was dressed all in black, a black dress shirt, black smart pants and what I assumed to be a black robe was folded over his arm. In his other hand, he held a white cup but I could not see what liquid it possessed. So _he_ had taken care of me. He, The Slytherin Prince, The Malfoy Heir had taken care of little Nikki Valentine. I couldn't help but feel a tremendous swell of joy overcome me; I even had to force myself not to smile. But it just _had_ to be too good to be true. I would've bet everything that I owned that he had a hidden agenda, he always did. Always. I bit my lower lip in anticipation as he walked over to the bed and stretched out the hand in which was holding the cup.

"Drink this; it should help with the headache." I raised my eyebrow quizzically. "It will help." He assured and I brought the cup to my lips not looking inside just in case I didn't like what I saw. It tasted _disgusting_. Like earwax, marmite and mayonnaise all mixed into one. Draco was right, my headache disappeared almost as soon as I swallowed the awful liquid, I could not however say the same for my sickness, if anything…the sick feeling intensified. I slammed the now empty cup down onto the mahogany bed side table and looked up to find Draco smirking. He pointed his ebony wand back at the cup before picking it back up and handing it to me, _again_.

"And this is for the sickness and aftertaste." I glowered at him as I took the cup back and thrust it at my mouth in one fluid motion. But this one was different…nice, even. Like honey and ice cream and lollipops, everything that was right in the world. I exhaled deeply as I swallowed it and felt it heal my sickness. It was quiet for a bit then, and extremely awkward…especially with him just standing there smirking at me with that devilish grin of his. I eventually puckered up the courage to use my voice box.

"Thank you." It was stupid and simple but it seemed to fit the mood.

"Don't be, I could hardly leave you unconscious on the patio floor now could I?" And there was that arrogant boy who was incapable of change "It would've disturbed my guests." I rolled my eyes and laughed lightly.

"And I can't possibly imagine _anything_ worse." He smirked again. "What happened to Blaise?" I suddenly had visions of my date to the party jugging down the tainted liquid. I glanced up to see Draco's eyes had turned murderous.

"_Blaise_ crashed almost as soon as you did. His house elf came to pick him up shortly afterwards." He paused and I held my breath as to what he would say next, I already had an idea. "You will not _speak to _or _see_ him again..." He was staring into my eyes, piercing my soul with his gaze. "Do you understand?" I closed my eyes. This could go two ways. Either I could argue and we could end up in a shouting match which would lessen my chances of being able to leave…or I could just agree and hopefully I would be home again within the hour. I opened my eyes and chose the latter.

"Okay." I said simply. "Thank you, Draco." I repeated myself. I was truly grateful for his 'hospitality', without him, who knows what would've happened last night what with me being out cold and all.

"Do you _have_ to say my name like _that_?" He was pacing and was currently walking towards the black fire place.

"Like what?" I was completely and utterly oblivious to whatever it was that was bothering him. He stopped dead in his tracks and turned around slowly to face me, a coy smirk resting on his angelically pale lips.

"Like you're _fucking_ purring it." He stepped closer to me, in a painfully slow manner. "It makes it _extremely_ hard to concentrate." He was playing one of his many games. I knew it and he knew it. My thoughts fought against each other as I decided what to do. A smirk of my own reached my mouth as I made up my mind to play along. I propped my body up and leant on my elbows. His eyes slid to my rising chest just exactly how I had assumed that they would.

"And just what is it, dear _Draco,_" I watched mercilessly as his eyes shot straight back up to mine knowing exactly what I was doing "would it be that you are concentrating _ever so _hard on?" Once again I found that unrecognisable emotion swelling up in his eyes.

"Well let's see…" He walked right over to the bed and bent down so that he was lying across me, his hand propped up against either side of my head "at this moment in time, it's taking up _all_ of my focus not to _fuck_ your innocent little body _right_ now."

I should've been disgusted. I should've been mortified, repulsed even. But I wasn't. Instead, I felt the pitiless feeling of rejection swell in my stomach and I am ashamed to say the a lump formed in my throat, but I swallowed it down quickly.

"What's stopping you?" Did that _really_ just come out of my mouth? I had meant to say something sarcastic and spiteful, but now I just sounded desperate. For _fuck's_ sake! He looked shocked and I'm pretty sure that he mirrored _my_ reaction. But he shook it off and chuckled.

"Not the reaction I was expecting, but then again you have always found ways to surprise me…" Surprise him? How on earth had I managed to do that? I was like the least spontaneous person on the planet, everything _always_ went according to plan "the truth , my _dear_ Nikki…is that I have been blinded by hate." I gave him a puzzled look.

"For whenever I look at that _tempting_ body of yours…" He flicked his vision down to my chest and that mere glance almost gave me a heart attack "All _I _see…are my best friend's hands all over you."

"I have _nothing_ to be sorry for," where was this all coming from? Words were just tumbling out of my mouth "I happen to _like_ Blaise…_a lot._"

"How many times to I have to _fucking_ tell you?" He was practically yelling "_You are mine! _No one else will _ever_ touch you again! Do you understand?"

"You can't control me, Draco." Why couldn't he see that I wasn't just some inanimate object. I was a human being, just like him.

"Yes I fucking can…and I very much intend on doing so until _you_ learn how it is acceptable to behave!" His voice had quietened down a bit, but his eyes were still venomous. I was actually a little scared of him then and there…but I would _never_ tell him that. That would be like admitting defeat. I tried to match his intense glare as best as I could, and we stayed like that for Merlin knows how long. Neither of us was going to back down, well, I most certainly knew that I wasn't. Draco's eyes left mine for a split second as he looked at something on the wall behind me.

"It's half four. I shall be leaving shortly." He lifted up a hand to my face and tucked a piece of my white blonde hair behind my ear, his fingertips brushing across my skin as he did so. I couldn't help but feel happy; I was weak to his touch. "You _will_ be here when I return." What?

"There is _no_ fucking _wa-" _I attempted to argue, reason with him but he brought a pale finger to my lips and silenced my defiance.

"I have enchanted this room so that you will not be able to get out, even if you bother trying." I knew he was telling the truth, it sounded exactly like the sort of thing that he would do. "There are books you can read and food will appear at five o'clock." He leaned in closer, his nose skimming against mine. "And don't try to scream, you'll only be wasting your breath. There is no one except you in the house today and even if there were, you are in an entirely different wing." I wished that I could kill him then and there.

"I will only be gone a few hours…try not to break anything. The medicine you took should send you to sleep at around eight o'clock." He leant down even closer to my neck and I felt his cold lips touch my pale skin softly. "Until tomorrow, my dearest Nikki." He stood up and brushed off his clothes not giving me a second glance before grabbing his black robe from where he had thrown it on the emerald couch and leaving the room via apparition. How he was able to do that at only sixteen was beyond me. I picked up the empty pillow next to me and crushed it to my face, screaming into it. I hated that I let him get to me.

I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the four poster bed, grimacing as all of the muscles in my body began to wake up. I sighed before taking another look around Draco's room. Another door leading from the room was slightly open and I could just see the edge of what looked like a power shower. My feet slid lazily across the luxuriously soft emerald carpet as I walked groggily over to the ensuite bathroom. I might as well take advantage of the Malfoy facilities, what was _he_ going to do about it? I used my wand to ignite the many candles in the room and closed the door. I peeled off my clothes and folded them neatly and placed the pile of fabric on the ceramic toilet seat then peered at the shower quizzically, wondering how on earth you turned the blasted thing on.

Three minutes later, I had given up on the weird tap mechanisms and used my wand instead. The water felt heavenly against my skin, so hot and smooth. To stand under that steaming hot water, was like to take a huge weight off my shoulders. But all good things must come to an end, which is what I told myself repeatedly as I stepped out of my watery haven. Now…what to wear? There was _no way_ I was putting my sweaty clothes from the night before back on, they stunk of booze. I gently wrapped a pearly white towel around my body and crossed Draco's room toward the door that I had assumed was a walk in wardrobe. I was right, and it was _huge_.

There were clothes rail _everywhere_. Left right and centre. I was sure without even checking that every single item would be from some form of expensive designer. I grabbed a white button down shirt and began looking around for something suitable to wear on my legs. All of his trousers would be far too big for me, if only I could find some shorts of some kind…a light bulb switched on in my head as I turned to the gigantic mahogany chest of drawers on the left of the room.

"Ah ha," I murmured to myself as I pulled out a black pair of Draco's boxers. I slipped into them and saw that the boxers were more like shorts on me and the shirt was loose. I shrugged before exiting the wardrobe, shutting the door behind me and sitting on the armchair in which Draco had been sat on, wondering what to do.

I looked around casually at my surroundings. To my left was the large four poster king sized bed that I had previously been sleeping in ad to my right was a large mahogany bookcase containing most likely over a thousand books. Funny, I had never taken Draco Malfoy for a reader. I stood back up on my feet and smiled, the soft, thick emerald duvet felt good under my toes.

~~x~~

I awoke suddenly and opened my eyes to the sound of…well nothing. The air was still, too still and silence wrapped itself around me like a suffocating bubble. I felt something rough under my fingertips and remembered that I had fallen asleep reading a first edition copy of the classic Snow White. It was the only book in Draco's collection that had appealed to me. I had read a good twelve chapters when my eyelids became heavier and heavier by the second and I had slowly drifted away into yet another dreamless slumber. The full moon illuminate half of the large room in a shimmering glow as it shone in through the window. I had forgotten to close the curtains.

It was late; I guessed around three o'clock in the morning. I don't know why I had woken up, no noise had been made, there was no rapid temperature change…so what then? But then I saw that glint of blonde hair and I smirked.

He was sat facing away from me, staring out of the window whilst sitting in an armchair. I could only see the back of his arrogant head. I opened my mouth to make some snide remark like 'what? Something has upset the darling Draco Malfoy?' or 'I was rather hoping that you would not return' but then the tone in the atmosphere caught a hold of me and I realised that something was seriously wrong. It was just a sense, a felling that something had happened in Draco's absence, something sinister and heart wrenching. He wasn't crying or sobbing, I could tell that without even looking at his pale face…but it seemed as though somehow he was doing everything in his power _not_ to shed a single tear, even if it killed him…he had his pride.

I slowly sat up from the bed, the emerald duvet falling from my body as I did so. I was unsure of what to do, half of me was close to asking what was wrong, but the other half knew that he would not give me an answer. I stood up, the cold air hitting my bare legs and tip toed over to the armchair in which he sat. I did not make a sound, nor did he but I saw his body stiffen slightly so I assumed that he knew where I was. Within three seconds, I was stood directly behind him still completely unsure of what I was to do. I had walked over to him on a simple instinct, a whim of sorts. But now what? But then I knew, I knew exactly what to do.

I took my right arm and wrapped it around his neck slowly, I was right that he knew what I was doing as almost instantly his own fingers reached up to gently caress the skin of my arm, making the tiny hair all over my body stand up on edge. It was then that I ever so lightly brushed my lips against his pale skin, from the sensitive area behind his ear to his pale collarbone. What had possessed me I had no idea, but that did not seem to matter. At that moment in time all that mattered in the word was that _he_ was hurting. I could feel his hurt as if it were my own. His burden was weighing down _my_ shoulders. Everything that had been, everything that would ever be was completely irrelevant. I was so swept into this play of emotions that I forgot to be confused or questioning, I just went with what felt right, and attempting to comfort Draco Malfoy with gentle kisses felt extremely fitting.

"It will be okay," I should have come up with something more creative, I know, but those simple words seemed to fit the moment perfectly. Of course, I did not know if my words were true, I didn't even know _what_ it was that was clearly unnerving him…but that did not matter. All that those words were meant for, was to assure Draco that I was there for him, the rest would follow soon enough. My kisses became more confident as I daringly nipped and sucked at his marble skin.

Suddenly, his form jolted and his grip on my arm tightened and I felt it necessary to stop what I was doing as he turned to face me. I inhaled sharply but quietly. He had not been crying, I had been given the impression that he had not cried in a long time and I could relate to him there, crying showed vulnerability, and vulnerability was the key to a torturous death. But there was definite pain is his amethyst grey eyes. All I wanted to do was soothe that pain, tell him over and over what I had told him not minutes prior, that it _would_ be okay. That I would _always_ be here for him, even if in the future I would come to my senses and pretend that this little encounter ever happened. But that was then and this was now. Now where all that existed was his sorrow, now where he _needed_ me.

We had been staring into each other's eyes, both of us understanding completely the situation that was before us. He slowly moved his hand from my arm and lifted it to my cheekbone, caressing it slightly before tucking a loose strand of hair behind my left ear. He leaned in first, and then our lips were crushed against one another's, a passionate and determined kiss that was making parts of my body grow warmer by the second. He stood and lifted me up easily so that my legs had no other option but to wrap around his waist, our lips never parting once in the process. I could feel the evidence of his arousal pressing against my pelvis as his arms moved to clasp behind my back holding me securely in place.

I was somewhat aware of his movement and assumed that he was walking us over to the bed. That's when the panic surged through me. _His bed!_ Was I really about to lose my virtue to the 'Sytherin Prince'? Did I want this to happen? _Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck,_ I thought as he slowly lowered my back onto the silk sheets and I began to have a minor panic attack when our kiss broke. What was he doing? Fear washed over me as I imagined him unbuckling his pants. But then I felt his soft lips press against my fore head as the emerald duvet was draped over me. I opened my eyes to see he had climbed into the bed beside me.

"You need to sleep, Nikki," Draco lifted his still clothed arm and gently pulled me closer to him so that my head was resting on his chest, his arm curled protectively around my petite body. Relief washed over me as I snuggled into the crook of his neck. My petite body seemed to mould against his so perfectly that in that instant, I could not imagine being anywhere else. He was still anxious over something, I could feel it. And so I did all that I could as I opened my pale lips to speak. "Draco…everything will be okay." I was completely unsure of this of course put right then it felt like the appropriate thing to say. Even if I had no idea _what_ it was that was bothering him. He pulled me closer against his body and tilted my face upwards with his fingertips. He placed another chaste kiss on my forehead which sent gave me a feeling of utter bliss.

"Sleep now," he whispered again, and I did.

~~x~~

It was the annoying birds singing that woke me from my peaceful slumber. I had never understood exactly _why_ those little twits chose to sing cheerily so early in the morning. Surely they cannot be that happy as they have had to wake up before the sun has even begun to rise, just to chirp a terribly cheerful sickening tune. If I were a bird, I would be a fat lazy fuck who stayed in my bed all the time and bit the heads off everyone who attempted to wake me so damn early. Merlin, I have too much free time on my hands! But alas, it was indeed those wretched birds that revived me from my state of unconsciousness.

The second my eyes fluttered open, they were instantly greeted with a pair of amethyst orbs staring intently at my face. Neither of us spoke, this moment did not need awkward words or uncomfortable ramblings. This moment was serene, beautiful. We were just two teenagers taking pleasure in each other's company, nothing more and nothing less. But that was not how the real world worked. We both had baggage, shit loads of it.

What was I thinking? This was _crazy_! Two months ago, Draco Malfoy was merely a name to me, just a boy in my class, And now, I was lying in his bed, his arms encircled around me and I was acting like we were in…the thought alone made my stomach churn. But as I looked in his eyes, I just wanted him to hold me until the days wore out and time forgot us. _I was so confused_! My head was pounding with endless possibilities, thousands of choices and yet I could only focus on _him_. Then the truth dawned on me, and I saw no other option.

"I should be getting home." I instantly noticed as his face fell for a split second before he lifted up his chin and renewed his arrogant persona.

"You're probably right, what the Slytherin girls would say if they knew that I had had you in my bed." That perfect blissful night that we had shared was over; it was time to face the reality. I roughly pulled myself from his stone embrace and stood up whilst scowling at Draco, attempting to return even a piece of his snide attitude.

"Just because we _slept_ in the same bed does not mean that you have _had_ me! And I am not even going to attempt to retaliate the comment about the Slytherin girls! I don't care about them any more than I do _you_!" He remained silent and I opened my mouth to continue my rant but then I noticed what he was doing. His amethyst eyes were slowly examining my frail body from my head to my toes. I only then realised that I was still only dressed in his white dress shirt and black boxers. He obviously had not looked at my attire the previous night when we were…_preoccupied_. "Draco, please stop looking at me like that." It was a whisper, a plea from my pale lips. He sat up from where he lay and smirked coyly.

"Why?"

"It makes me feel uncomfortable." It was honest and got straight to the point. His smirk grew larger and I am ninety percent sure that I heard a faint chuckle coming from the Slytherin Prince. "Draco, last night…was a mistake." He then let out an outright laugh as he too stood up and stood in front of me, his eyes smiling.

"Don't give me that shit, Valentine. Neither of us were drunk, neither of us had taken any illegal substances and I'm pretty sure you knew it was me when you were sticking your tongue down my throat. Accept it, you want me." It was my turn to laugh.

"In your dreams, I admit that my head _was_ indeed clear last night but that only makes it more humiliating and degrading on my count. And that nonsense about 'me wanting you', I would sooner be flayed alive by a rodent." His eyes flared with anger and I knew I was in trouble.

"You do _not_ speak to _me _like _that!"_ He roared.

"I will speak to you however I want!" I was livid, so much so that I too found myself screaming at him. "I don't know if you've noticed, Draco, but I am _not_ one of your whores! I don't look up to you in any shape or form and I don't lie awake each night hoping to be with you! I've seen how you treat people, and I find it appalling and morally disgusting."

"You weren't saying this last night when you had your legs wrapped around my waist!"

"You're a pig!"

"And you're no better than the whores you so deftly refer to!"

We stood like that for what felt like years, glaring furiously into each others steaming eyes and attempting to give expressions of sheer hate. I was the first one to move. Ripping my eyes from his, I grabbed my clothes and wand from the chair where I had placed them the day before and turned to the door, praying to Merlin that it wasn't locked. It wasn't. The knob turned with ease in my hand and I walked out into the expensive hallway with out even so much as glancing in his direction.

~~x~~

**I'M SO SORRY! Please feel free to hate me, I deserve it.**

**I just couldn't figure out the ending to this, so eventually I decided that I would just leave it here and get straight to work on the next chapter. **

**I have the basic plot for this story, but if there is anything that **_**you**_** want to see in this story, any moments, any characters then feel free to review and tell me your ideas. **

**I will try and get the next chapter up as soon as possible. **

**musicmeanslove**


	5. We All Learn To Make Mistakes

Chapter Five: We All Learn To Make Mistakes

_I'm going away for a while_

_But I'll be back, don't try to follow me_

_'Cause I'll return as soon as possible_

_See I'm trying to find my place_

_But it might not be here that I feel safe_

_We all learn to make mistakes_

_Paramore – Misguided Ghosts_

"That'll be ten fifty, love." The taxi driver stated as we pulled up to my father's townhouse. I handed over the muggle money that was already waiting in my cold hand and muttered my thanks before opening the black shiny door and stepping out into the cold summer morning. I had redressed into the casual attire that I had left in my bag but that was no match for the icy air that stabbed viciously at my body. I had opted _not_ to put on my heels as my feet were still killing me from the party two nights ago and instead went barefoot as I opened the small iron gate and walked the path to the large black front door that defended my home.

As I rooted through my bag, searching for my key, I heard a faint tapping noise coming from above me and looked up to see Blaise's owl glaring at me from my bedroom window. I gestured with my hand for the bird to come closer and carefully untied the small pieced of folded parchment that was strapped to the owl's leg. Instead of flying off back home, Blaise's owl flew up to the branch above me; he had obviously been given strict instructions to remain at my house until I gave Blaise a reply.

"Go and wait at my bedroom, I'll be up in a minute." I ordered the bird, not wanting to spend another second in the cold outside. I made sure he did as he was told before turning back to my bag and pulling out the long golden key that would unlock my front door. No sooner had I turned the key in the latch, the screaming began.

"Nikkia Isabella Millie Valentine! Where the _hell _have you been?" Maria's usually sweet and caring voice had turned shrill and murderous. I grimaced as I closed the door behind me and turned to face the scorned and very distressed middle-aged housekeeper.

When I was little, Maria had been my nanny. Having lost her own daughter to measles around the same time I was born, she had always treated me like her own and after my mother died Maria had practically raised me. But even when I turned fifteen and my father realised that I was _more_ than capable of taking care of myself, Maria still insisted on being close to me and moved into the house two doors down from mine and remained as our housekeeper. She still checked in every couple of days, making meals and checking up on me but I didn't mind. It was kind of nice to have her caring about me. And she was nice to have around when my father was away on one of his many business trips. And as for my name, It wasn't that I despised it or anything, it was just so much easier to just say Nikki, and drop the 'a'. But Maria had always called me by my full name, regardless of the numerous times that I had told her not to.

"Maria, I'm so-" I tried but didn't get to finish.

"Don't you 'sorry' _me_! Two daysyou've been missing! _Two days!" _She repeated for emphasis. "I've been worried sick! Who knows what could have happened..." I let her continue her rant as I stared aimlessly at a pretty blue vase which held beautiful yellow roses, my mother's favourite. "Where on earth have you been?" I tore my eyes from the vase and to Maria, who was still fuming. I waited a few seconds to double check that the question wasn't rhetorical and that she wasn't going to go off again.

"I'm sorry I worried you Maria, I just needed to get out of this house." I gestured to my surroundings. "I just went to a friend's for a couple of nights. I forgot to tell you, I'm sorry." The lie was fluent and smooth. I didn't like lying to Maria but I couldn't exactly come out with '_Sorry, but I was sleeping in the arms of Draco Malfoy and forgot to call'_. I was pretty sure even Maria had heard of the Malfoy heir's scandalous reputation.

Maria sighed and rested her head in her hands for a second before regaining composure and looking up at me with love in her eyes. I couldn't help but smile a genuine smile. "Well, Nikki, you're going to be sixteen in four days so I guess I should really get used to you stopping out. But next time you decide to go gallivanting around London please make sure either I or your father knows of your whereabouts. I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to you."

"Wait, you didn't tell Dad, did you?" By the look on her face I knew the answer and groaned. "Now he's going to be worried, you know what he gets like. Please ring him and tell him I'm perfectly fine." Maria nodded before pulling me in for a tight hug.

"Never do that to me again," she whispered in my ear before releasing me and disappearing into the kitchen. I rolled my eyes before trudging up the marble staircase and into my room.

My room was as I'd left it apart from the made and tidy bed curtsey of Maria. I dumped my bag and shoes on the seat and the end of my bed and was about to head straight for the bathroom when yet again I heard a faint tapping coming from my window. Of course! I had forgotten about Blaise's note. I quickly took out the parchment from my bag and unfolded it to read Blaise's elegant script.

_I feel terribly embarrassed about the other night._

_I am so sorry; I had no idea that the drink was spiked._

_Draco told me that he was able to get you home safely and I am thankful for that._

_I really hope I haven't blown my chances as I really like you, Nikki_

_Is there any chance we can meet up again before school starts? _

_No meetings, no parties and no alcohol, just the two of us?_

_Sincerest apologies, Blaise_

I reread the letter and smiled. Blaise was turning out to be quite the white knight. I felt an unusual feeling in the pit of my stomach. Blaise was a nice guy; he really didn't deserve to be used like this. He deserved someone who could truly reciprocate his feelings. In another life, it could have worked out between us. But we only had _this_ life. And in this life, I spent my every waking minute thinking about a certain blonde haired heir no matter how much I tried not to. I still wanted Blaise to be in my life, but only as a friend, that was all I could offer him. I turned over the parchment and grabbed a quill from my desk, dipping it in ink before I began to write.

_Don't be embarrassed, it wasn't your fault._

_Plus I don't remember anything so you're in the clear._

_I can't meet up before school; my dad is coming home early so I want to spend time with him._

_But I'd like it if we could meet up at school and catch up._

_I'll see you at school, _

_Nikki_

~x~

"_HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" _

My father and Maria stood holding a large cake with sixteen candles, beaming at me. He had surprised me by being able to come back for three days in order to be with me on my birthday. I smiled as happiness washed over my body. My father had not been able to attend my last two birthdays due to work and although I had put on a brave face, it had hurt so much. "Go on, make a wish and blow out your candles, Nikkia." Maria beamed at me as I walked towards them and let the candles warm my face. The cake was simple and elegant, homemade no doubt by Maria. It had cream icing with various gold patterns and I knew that beneath the icing would be a delicious Victoria sponge cake which had always been my favourite.

I didn't need to think about my wish, it had always been the same ever since I was eleven. I would wish that my mother would somehow come back. Of course, I knew it could never happen. It wasn't as if she was on holiday in Egypt or had left my father for another man; she was dead, and no amount of wishing or praying was ever going to change that. But it had become my tradition. And so, I closed my eyes, made the wish and blew out the sixteen golden candles all in one puff.

Maria and my father both cheered and whistled after they laid the cake on the table and both pulled me in for an awkward three person hug. "Ah, how can it be that my little Nikkia is already _sixteen_?" It was a rare occasion that my father used my full name, but I didn't protest as he looked down at me with what looked like pride in his brown eyes. "It seems as though it were just yesterday when I would let you sit on my shoulders and put paint in my hair." We both laughed and turned to Maria, who was busy putting the cake in the fridge.

"We shall have it for desert tonight." She stated whilst wiping invisible stains off of the sideboard.

"Why? What's happening tonight?" I questioned, confusion spreading across my face.

"We're all having dinner, of course, plus you're father invited the McArthur's to join us." My stomach did a little flip. That meant that Anthony would be coming. Anthony had started his internship at my father's studio when he was fifteen and I had been thirteen. It was safe to say that he had been my first crush and although he was now a friend and I had gotten over my 'love' for him, that didn't change the fact that he was still extremely good looking. And let's just say…I wouldn't exactly say no if the proposition arose.

Our families had been friends and our fathers had been best friends since they both attended Hogwarts together but what with me being at Hogwarts and Anthony attending Durmstrang, we had never really met until he started working at the studio. Maria had told me that we used to play together when I was four and he was six but I couldn't really remember.

"Okay, cool." I responded nonchalantly although my mind was brimming with outfit combinations. "What time are they arriving?"

"I told them to be here no sooner that eight o'clock." His arm was still wrapped around my waist. "I have to go to the studio today, unfortunately…but would you like to come and help out? I know Anthony misses you."

"Dad!" I blushed and swatted him lightly as he laughed. "That does sound fun though."

~x~

Anthony was the definition of the term 'tall, dark and handsome'. With his messy, unkempt dark brown hair and olive toned skin, his mere appearance was enough to make any girl swoon. I hadn't seen him since his eighteenth birthday which had been a couple of weeks ago when I was at the studio. He hadn't seen me yet; he had large black headphones covering his ears as he sat at one of the mixing computers. I was dressed casually, in light blue ripped and faded jeans, white converse high tops and a red and white chequered shirt. I wore only pale lip balm and mascara as I had made it my goal to stop wearing so much eyeliner.

My father's business may have been professional, but it was also a relaxed environment. Since the majority of the staff were under thirty, my father was one of the only people to wear a suit to work. And my father encouraged it; he said that he wanted June Studios to be a comfortable environment. June was my mother's name.

I didn't want to seem desperate by disturbing Anthony, so instead, I walked into the small room next to the booths and smiled at the many guitars that hung from the walls. From Fender to Taylor, Yamaha to Gibson, the guitar storeroom had every type of guitar imaginable. I slid my fingertips over the sleek surfaces as I searched for an appropriate instrument. My eyes eventually settled on a beautiful sand coloured Taylor guitar. I had to stand on a chair to get it down.

I hadn't played in a while. My attentions were elsewhere. Truth be told most of my attentions were set on a certain Slytherin Prince. Damn him! He was even preventing me from what I loved most. But now, every time I even looked at my guitar or at my piano, I was instantly reminded of that night…that night that had changed everything. The night I first spoke to Draco Malfoy. I shook my head, willing for the confusing thoughts to leave me be and placed my fingers deftly on the pine wood fret, considering what to play. Then, before I knew it, the wise lyrics of 30 seconds to Mars sounded from my lips.

_What if I wanted to break__  
__Laugh it all off in your face__  
__What would you do?_

___What if I fell to the floor__  
__Couldn't take all this anymore__  
__What would you do, do, do?___

_Come break me down__  
__Bury me, bury me__  
__I am finished with you___

_What if I wanted to fight__  
__Beg for the rest of my life__  
__What would you do?___

_You say you wanted more__  
__What are you waiting for?__  
__I'm not running from you___

_Come break me down__  
__Bury me, bury me__  
__I am finished with you_

I let the last chord ring and was about to stand up and put the Taylor back on the wall when a slow clapping started from the direction of the door. My eyes jolted to the sound protectively but my glare softened when I saw Anthony stood at the doorway, a crooked grin plastered on his tanned face and his arms raised outward towards me as he clasped them together repeatedly. I couldn't help but smile back, even though I was secretly mortified that he had heard me singing, He was after all an expert.

"Wow, Nik! I knew you could play but the singing thing! Where have you been hiding that?" He walked closer as he talked, taking the guitar from my hands as I tried to put it back and doing so easily. I fake glared at him and he laughed. "Sorry, I forgot that you like to pretend you taller." I feigned shock at smacked his arm lightly. "But seriously, does your dad know you can sing like that? I'm sure if he did then-"

"I don't want it to be like that." I cut him off before I heard what had been said a million times prior.

"Like what?"

"I don't want to be the girl that gets everything she wants given to her on a silver plate. I love music. I'd _love_ a career in music." He opened his mouth to speak but I wasn't finished. "But I'd _hate_ to know that the only reason I had gotten anywhere in life was because of my father. If that were to happen, I wouldn't be my own person. I want to do it on my own." It was the truth, the bare truth ass I had always told it. I would not be irrelevant in my own life.

"That's really something." He looked at me for a few stolen moments before his eyes widened slightly and he ran a bronzed hand through his tousled hair and his gaze fell to the floor. His actions confused me entirely. "Well, I should be getting back to work." He walked back to the open door but turned on his heel and smiled at me. "Happy Birthday, Nikki. I'll see you tonight." And then he was gone.

~x~

I stood before my floor length mirror evaluating my reflection. My hair was in a messy but elegant bun with a large plait that was wrapped around my head as if it were a head band and my make up was minimal consisting of only mascara and pale nude lipstick. The deep emerald dress I wore was straight from a page from _Vogue_, I had picked it out three weeks prior. The dress was an a-line halter neck, tight fitting and completely beautiful working on the basis less is more. The skirt flowed out slightly at my hips and the hem hit just below my knees. The colour complimented my pale skin tremendously.

A silver chain hung loosely around my neck along with my Chinese symbol. There was a pendant on the end of the chain which formed the shape of several small flowers. I also wore the Pandora bracelet that had been a gift from my mother when I was eight. My father bought me four new charms every birthday and I mixed and matched them to go with whatever outfit I had planned. Tonight there were green, diamond and silver charms dangling from the pure silver chain. I was wearing silver platform Louboutin's that were extremely high but I had been walking in heels my entire life so that didn't bother me.

It was half seven, half an hour until our guests were due to arrive. It turned out that my father had in fact invited several other families that we were friendly with. I wasn't too bothered; it just meant that this originally 'casual' gathering had turned into a black tie occasion. There would now be over fifty people attending and my father had hired a guard for the door who would have a list of invitees.

A soft acoustic version of Fightstar's 'The English Way' could be heard from the speakers that were in each corner of my room as I glanced out of my front window. People were arriving already. From what I had seen, at least four families had already been checked off the list and were probably sat downstairs in the living room now drinking champagne.

Maria had done a tremendous job with the living having transformed the room into a ballroom of sorts. It was already big enough but was usually cluttered with records, music equipment and there was so much furniture in it that you could hardly _sway_ in it never mind full on dance. My father had also paid an up and coming DJ from the label to manage the music _after_ eleven and up until then we had a string quartet playing as my father said at eleven o'clock the parents would go home and it would just be 'us teenagers' as he had put it.

The rest of the room was elegant yet modern with a bar on one side of the room, the stage for the band on the other and plush cream couches along the outside walls. There were several staff, waiters and bartenders to see to our guests' needs. In all honesty, I was quite looking forward to it. Just a night of fun with our closest friends and family. I smiled to myself and continued to double check my appearance.

~x~

There were _a lot_ more than fifty people. In fact, it was more like _two hundred_ people that were stood below the curved stair case that I was currently walking down. Most of them were smiling at me but the odd few weren't even noticing me and were instead upholding their cold and snobbish reputations. I knew my eyes were still widened from the original shock of the number of people so I quickly regained my smile as I reached the bottom of the steps. My father beamed at me as he pulled me in for a side hug.

"Surprise!" He whispered in my ear before letting me go and handing me a champagne flute. He turned to the crowd. "May I have your attention?" The room fell silent instantly. "I'd like to welcome you all to my home and thank each of you for attending this event and celebrating my daughter Nikkia's sixteenth birthday." I cringed as he said my full name knowing that this name would be a revelation to my fellow pupils from Hogwarts that were stood in my large hallway. "As you are all aware, my wife was taken from us five years ago and although it was a hard time, I always knew that someday our daughter would grow up to be a beautiful young woman who held the future in her hands.

"I know that traditionally, the age of inheritance is _seventeen_…but my wife had inherited everything on her sixteenth birthday as those were her father's wishes. And to honour June's memory, Nikki will now be entitled to a quarter of her trust fund _and_ she will be offered a junior apprentice position at June studios!" The room erupted into applause as I stood there bewildered and not believing what my father had just said. "Now if you would all be so kind as to make your way to living room so the celebration can begin!" Two men in suits opened the double doors leading into the living room and the crowd slowly dispersed into the other room.

"Happy birthday Nikki!" Two voices chorused together from behind me. I smiled, instantly knowing who those voices belonged to. I turned around and came face to face with my two best friends Daphne Greengrass and Theodore Nott.

"I thought you were still up north?" I asked as Daphne threw her arms around me.

"Nope, my internship finished yesterday and I got the train straight down. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow…but tonight…" She stepped back and allowed Theo to come forward with a huge silver box in his hands with light pink ribbon around it.

"It's from both of us." He said as he placed it into my hands after giving me a bear hug. Theo was handsome, and his nicely tanned body complemented his dark blonde hair beautifully but he was like my brother. I had known him before Daphne as she had only moved onto our street when we were nine but Theodore, I had known all my life. He was wearing grey dress robes with a white button down shirt underneath and a matching bow tie. Daphne looked amazing in a gold halter neck that worked wonders for her chest.

"Guys, you shouldn't have."

"Oh stop it, Nikki. You know that you're dying to open it." Daphne said laughing.

"You know me too well." I ripped into the paper and opened the box. I gasped. There were three presents inside the box. The first was a Pandora charm. The charm was silver and magic. It looked just like a simple little silver ball. But as soon as my fingers came into contact with the metal, a small orb of light erupted from the ball and in the orb was a picture of me and my two best friends. The picture had been taken last year when we all went skiing with Theo's family in Switzerland.

The second present was a beautiful purple leather Gucci handbag. It looked like a satchel but had a handle instead of a strap. Daphne had been in the room when I had pinpointed it in _Vogue_.

And the third was…breathtaking. It was Banksy, I could tell straight away even without looking at the trademark. My friends had gotten _me_ an _original_ Banksy painting. It was a painting of me, but my head was down and I looked to be tuning a guitar. The colours were loud and very Andy Warhol style. It was amazing.

"Fuck, Guys! I don't know what to say…I Love them…" Other than that I was lost for words. I had to stand on my toes to enable my arms to fit around the both of them as Theo was borderline six foot. I released my best friends and couldn't help the huge smile that was painted on my face. "This day is turning out to be amazing." I placed the presents and turned back to my friends. "I'm actually surprised that there are so many people here…I don't know half of them." Daphne and Theo looked at each other with nervous glances. "What?" I questioned.

"Well this is kind of…" Theo started.

"Your coming out party!" Daphne smiled. I was confused.

"Guys, not that I'm against it or anything but…I'm not gay." Theo's laughter boomed throughout the now empty entrance hall and Daphne tightened her cheeks to stop from joining in.

"Not _that_ kind of 'coming out', you are sixteen..." She raised her eyebrows at me and I just looked at her puzzled. "You are now officially an eligible debutante! Sat in your living room right now are some of the richest heirs in the wizard society and their parents. And your father's really pulled out all the stops! Pretty much everyone…well everyone of the _appropriate_ upbringing, is in that room this very second. And they're all waiting to get a look at Edward Valentine's only daughter and see if she is worthy of marrying their son!"

I felt sick. I was moments away from walking into a room where I would be discreetly judged and then basically sold off to the highest bidder. How could my father _do_ this to me?

"And from what I've heard so far," Theo added "most of the parents here are _desperate _to have you added to their family. Hell! Even _my_ family were chatting about what a 'fine young woman you had become'! I swear if I hadn't told them three weeks ago that you were the closest thing I had to a sister, they'd be already planning the wedding!" Both he and Daphne were smiling at me as if it were some amazing blessing from Merlin himself!

"_Great_." I said sarcastically as I glared at them.

"Oh come on Nik," Theo threw an arm casually over me as he walked me to the double doors "it won't be _that_ bad."

~x~

It was worse. So far I had spoken with _eight_ different families, danced with _fourteen_ young men and had had _six_ different mothers tell me what a 'great bride' I would be to their darling sons. All I wanted was to go back upstairs to my bedroom, curl up in my soft bed and stay there forever. I was only _sixteen_! Surely that was _far_ too young to be thinking about potential husbands! I hadn't even taken my N.E.! I didn't even know how to cook!

My father had taken me aside as soon as I had walked in the living room and told me that the choice was entirely my own and when choosing who I was going to spend _the rest of my life with_, I should put my needs above all others. He told me that my happiness should always come first. I couldn't help but wish that my mother was still around. _She _would understand that I wasn't even remotely ready for any of this. But she wasn't. And I understood that my father was just trying to do what he thought was best for me. But that didn't mean that I didn't want to curse my father into next week every time another high horse family asked if I was able to conceive and raise a child.

Over the past few years, my father and I had all but forgotten these old traditions. But that didn't mean we were _extremely_ well thought of throughout London's wizarding blue blooded society. The Valentine name went back centuries and several of our ancestors on my father's _and _mother's side had dabbled with royalty here and there. But I had never dreamed that I, little Nikkia Valentine would _ever_ be considered worthy of a debutante title. I was completely off the radar. I didn't run in those types of circles. I wasn't friends with the tight clique of girls in my year that had planned their coming out party since birth.

"Nikkia?" A soft, pearly voice shook me from my reverie. I turned to see a middle aged woman smiling at me, her eyes shining with wealth. "I wondered if perhaps you would save a dance for my son." She pointed to an overweight boy who was about twelve. I wanted to die.

"Of course, it would be my pleasure." I faked enthusiasm. "But I have a few other people to attend to first. Tell him to find me in half an hour and he'll be on top of my list." She beamed at me as is I was an angel.

"They were right," she stated, looking at me with adoration in her eyes "you are simply a wonder; not only to gaze upon but also to converse with." I had never felt so uncomfortable in my entire life. I said my thanks and gracefully excused myself from this awkward situation. I couldn't take this anymore! None of these people_ knew_ me! Yet they had all made their judgments and assumptions of what a perfect little wife I would be. I was _far_ from perfect.

I paced as quickly as I could without looking abnormal to the garden, grabbing a bottle of fire whisky on the way.

~x~

**Hi. Sorry, no Draco in this chapter, but I promise the next chapter will be worth it. Will Nikki be joined by a fellow student in the garden? Will that student show a more compassionate side?**

**I am really trying to update faster. **

**Musicmeanslove**


	6. I Will Never Give Up On You

Chapter 6: I Will Never Give Up On You

_I will never give up on you for__  
__All the times you sat and sang to me,__  
__Tried to make me better__  
__So now I'll try to let you know that__  
__This is the English way to make us all fit back together_

_Fightstar – The English Way_

At first, the whiskey had burned my throat, but I was past feeling g anything anymore. I wasn't drunk, just a little more than tipsy. But I was numb. No longer could I feel the cold night air sting my bare back. No longer could I feel the hard and jagged trunk of the tree digging into my back. I was in a bubble. My own private bubble where nothing else mattered or existed beyond its cosy confines. I tilted my head back as I took another swig of the now dull liquid.

But what was hurting the most was the fact that the party didn't matter, those _people _didn't matter…and I knew that. No, what hurt the most was how sitting here, drinking myself into oblivion, was the closest thing to happiness I had experienced in a long time. My whole _life _was as colourless and dull as the liquid in my hand. At only one point in my life had I ever been this content…and I wasn't ready to admit that to myself yet, let alone _him_. Had he thought of me at all over the past few days?

I shook my head. I was _not_ going to thing about _him_ right now, this was _my_ party. I wasn't going to let him ruin it when he wasn't even attending. And then, as if his senses were tuned into my thoughts, I heard a slight movement to my left.

"What's wrong, Nikki?" I didn't look at him, he didn't deserve it.

"Go away, Draco. I'm not in the mood." I said, coldly.

"What's wrong, Nikki?" he repeated, quieter this time and I could tell that he had moved closer to me. I had two options. I could shout at him and throw around spiteful comments causing him to also get angry and then leave. Or I could just give in. I chose the latter due to my tiredness.

"I've just realised that my whole life is a joke."

"Welcome to the world of many." He said simply as he sat down on th dark grass beside me, his sudden closeness sending shivers down my back. "Your father, although a heavy player in the high society, has never really cared for the rules of schooling blue blood children. And that is why all of this is only now dawning on you."

"Go on…" I urged him to continue.

"When I was younger, I realized that my parents were running my life. They had already planned my future and had already selected the few young women that they would deem suitable for me to marry. I was nine at this point. I used to hope that when I turned seventeen, it would all be different, that _I_ would get some input into my own life. But two years ago, after a series of light hearted rebellions on my behalf, my father called me to his study one evening and told me that if I were ever to step even a toe out of line, my inheritance would be gone in an instant and I would find myself a homeless and broke man with no allies or hopes for the future."

"So what? You're telling me to 'behave'?"

"Would I ever?" He chuckled and the sound sent waves of pleasure through my body. "I'm simply proving to you that you are extremely lucky to have a father like yours. I have seen the way he looks at you and I can tell that he would give up _everything_ he owns just to prevent you from scraping your knee."

"Hardly." I scoffed. It was then that he turned his body towards mine and took my face in his hands. My breathing became erratic.

"You'd be surprised just how many people feel that way about you, Nikki." Where the _fuck_ had all this come from? When did he get to be this gentle and soothing. The Draco Malfoy I had last encountered was _incapable_ of committing these actions and saying these words. I shrugged myself out of his grasp and hardened my face, hoping to regain some of the control that had slipped away.

"This doesn't change anything, I-" I started but he cut me of.

"Don't." His voice was almost a plea. "Just…" He seemed to struggle for a moment as he searched his mind for the appropriate words. "Let this night be about you. After all, it is _your_ birthday. The rest can wait."

I considered his words for a moment before smiling lightly in his direction and nodding.

"The rest can wait." I repeated.

~x~

"Hey, Nik!" I turned around to face Anthony and smiled.

The adults had retired an hour ago and the living room had once again been transformed. Strobe lights now filled the otherwise black room and all the chairs had been pushed back. The bar was still there with the bartender but there were no lights to signal its position. The DJ was playing some of the latest drum and bass that there was and there were at least seventy teenagers dancing in the centre of the room. It looked better than any night club could ever hope for.

"Hi, Anthony!" He pulled me in for a bear hug and I couldn't help but sigh dreamily as I felt the hard contours of his chest through his dress shirt. "You look good." I said giving his tuxedo a look of approval. "This is the first time I've ever seen you all dressed up."

"_I_ look good?" He said as if it were ludicrous. "Nikki, have you looked in a mirror tonight, you look bloody fantastic!" I blushed as I saw his eyes quickly flicker down to my chest and then back up again. Smooth.

"Thank you, and thanks for the present. I love it." The McArthur's had gifted me a new Versace dress. A beautiful dark blue silk one shouldered cocktail dress. Henrietta McArthur had always had impeccable style.

"I'm glad…although" he added "I can't really be given much credit." I laughed at his honesty and smacked him playfully on the arm.

"And here I was thinking you were finally about to come out of the closet." I laughed again at his feigned hurt expression. "Anyway, I should be going…I've got to 'be the hostess' and everything. Have a good night."

"You too, Nikki." We hugged again before moving our separate ways.

Since the living room was on the second floor, there were two double glass doors leading out onto a beautiful and large terrace. The doors had been opened and the terrace had been decorated by hundreds of different coloured tea lights, no doubt by Maria herself. I made my way through the damp crowd of people and sighed in relief as I stepped onto the balcony, the cool night's air splashing across my face. I couldn't help the surge of joy I felt as I saw that Draco was stood, his back to me, leaning against the white marble barrier, a thin cigarette in his pale hand.

I hadn't noticed when we were outside before due to the lack of light, but he looked good. _Really_ good. His dress robes (tailored no doubt) were made from a sleek and smooth black material and he wore an emerald dress shirt underneath with a silver tie. He was beautiful, breath taking, even.

Without hesitation, I moved myself next to him, about one foot away. We stayed in silence for a few stolen moments of peace, neither of us looking at the other, but both knowing full well the effect of one another's presence.

"What are you doing out here alone?" I asked, exhaling softly. He took a drag of his cigarette.

"I needed a cigarette," he exhaled the white smoke "and I was hiding from Pansy."

"She's not _here_, is she?" I groaned. This meant that sooner my time alone with him was limited.

"She is indeed, she actually hasn't stopped going on about this party for weeks."

At first, a swell of jealousy pulsed through me as his comment implied that he had been spending a lot of time with that socialite wannabe, but then I took note of his words and the jealousy was replaced by annoyance.

"_You've_ known about _this_ for _weeks_?" I looked at him then, my eyebrows raised as I glared up at him. He smirked.

"Of course, we received our invitation to this little _soiree_ before school had even finished!" He smirked coyly. I wanted to cause him pain.

"_What_!" I stared at him with disbelief. "My father told me there would be a maximum of _twenty five_ people. Instead I walk down the stairs and get _two hundred_ people! Honestly, you could've warned me." That annoying smirk still hadn't left his face.

"What would've been the fun in that?" He joked quietly before taking another drag. There were another set of silent moments before I finally plucked up the courage to say what I wanted to say.

"Draco?" I said, still facing the view.

"Yes, Nikki...or should I say Nikkia?" I hit his arm lightly.

"I actually…I just…I wanted to thank you for…umm…earlier." I waved my hand in the direction of the garden below. "I'd probably still be out there if you hadn't found me. And thanks for the…stuff. I'd be wasted right about now if you hadn't made me drink that." As we headed back to the house, he had made me drink some of that horrid ear wax stuff, but it cleared my head almost instantaneously.

"Your welcome, Nikki." I turned towards him to see him staring directly at me, his eyes seemed desperate and searching. But searching for what exactly? He coughed uncomfortably as he quickly looked away. "You should probably head back inside, I think people will notice if the guest of honour is missing in action."

"Okay," I thought quickly "but you're coming with me."

~x~

"So," Blaise explained the rules with a devilish grin on his Italian features "someone spins the bottle and they have to kiss whoever it lands on. Then whoever it lands on spins the bottle and so the game goes on."

"And _real_ kissing, tongues and everything." Theo added, he and Blaise exchanging a fist bump.

"What if it's the same sex?" Daphne questioned.

"The only rule is you must kiss _whomever_ the bottle lands on, regardless of gender or personal grudges." Blaise stated, eager to play the game.

There were seven of us all together, all sat on the floor of my bedroom in a circle surrounding an empty bottle of fire whiskey. The party was still in full swing downstairs but Blaise had suggested that a few of us go upstairs and 'chill out' as he had put it. I was sat in between Daphne and Blaise with Daphne to Theo's left. Draco and a few other people making up the rest of the circle, Draco seated directly opposite me. The clock on my wall told me that it was two o'clock in the morning and I was surprised by my lack of tiredness.

"Actually," Blaise was reaching for the bottle when an idea sprang into his mind "let's make this more interesting…" Eight sets of questioning eyes looked at him, intrigued. "When the bottle lands on you, you must drink." He pulled out several shot glasses from the small assortment of drinks that had been brought up with us. The boys applauded and the girls rolled their eyes. This whole thing was basically just an excuse to grope drunk girls. But it would be fun, I was certain of that.

"Fine," I said.

"Okay, let's play!" Blaise handed me the bottle. "It would be only fair to let the birthday girl go first. Just put it in the middle and spin it. I feigned glee at him and he laughed as I took the bottle from his tanned hands.

I leaned forward and placed the bottle on the black cream carpet and spun it fast as to ensure that it landed on someone completely random. To my horror, it landed on Blaise. My eyes widened slightly but I regained composure quickly before glancing at Draco nervously. He was seething, I could tell even behind his cool exterior, but he nodded slightly and gave his blessing. It wasn't as if I needed his permission or anything…but I knew how much me being with Blaise got to him.

People laughed and cheered encouragingly as I turned to Blaise and saw his handsome face, grinning gleefully. This really didn't help the whole 'me not wanting to lead him on' situation.

Wanting to get it over with, I grabbed his blue tie and pulled him towards me, our mouths crashing together as his body came flush against mine. I closed my eyes and felt his hands as they pressed onto my back, pulling me closer to him as our tongues met and slowly massaged the each other's. He could kiss, I'd give him that. Maybe not as good as Draco, but that was only because the strange connection that I shared with Draco was absent in my kiss with Blaise. After roughly thirty seconds, I pulled back, Blaise moving forward slightly as he tried to keep the contact gong before he too, opened his eyes and returned to his normal position, only this time his grin was spread ear to ear. I avoided Draco's searing glare as Blaise took his turn spinning the bottle. It landed on Theo.

~x~

One hour later, I had kissed Blaise twice, Theo once, another of Blaise's friends called Alexander twice and also had kissed a friend of Daphne's named Aurelia Finn. The boys had hooted and screamed when Aurelia and I kissed, and I'm proud to say we purposely put on a bit of a show. Draco had also kissed Aurelia and he had kissed another girl named Cassidy twice and Blaise once. Currently, Daphne was interlocked with Alexander as people wolf whistled and pounded their ands on the floor. But I wasn't paying attention to that. I was too busy staring intently at Draco, who was staring straight back. I smiled and he smirked, I realised had never seen him truly smile or laugh. I put it on my to-do list.

Alexander then span the bottle and it landed on none other than Draco, who stole his eyes away from mine and leant in. I closed my eyes as Theo made retching noises. And then it was Draco's turn. He spun the bottle nonchalantly as the other six bodies in the room quietened in anticipation. The bottle spun four times before slowing to a halt and landing on…well, _me_.

To everyone else, this was no different to the many other kisses that had taken place previously that night. I couldn't speak for Draco, but I could feel my face flushing as excitement and mortification coursed through my body. Would our friends notice this…_thing_ between us? Would they recognize our severe connection? I smiled politely as everyone started banging their fists against the floor to create a drum roll of sorts. I looked up to Draco and saw that he was already making his way towards me, a mischievous glint shimmering in his amethyst eyes. I made a mental note to question him about that later.

And then he was there, his face so close that our noses bumped softly against one another's. His eyes warmed mine as he smirked at me, knowing and taking deep pleasure in the fact that I was squirming in embarrassment. But then his lips were pressed against mine, softly at first…almost _tender_. I felt his tongue trace the line of my lower lip _begging_ for entrance. I granted him that wish and felt his tongue snake into my mouth, massaging my own tongue in soothing circles. His hand cupped the back of my neck and I found own hand travelling up his body where it gently pressed against his pale cheek.

But then it was finished, it was over. He slowly pulled away and moved back to his previous position across from me as if it were just the same as any other kiss. But it wasn't. Was it? Did Draco just consider it to be a random kiss?

My cheeks grew hotter as I thought of the possibility that to Draco, I was nothing more than a conquest. I guess that these insecurities are a package deal when you play with the great Draco Malfoy. You can never be sure of what he's feeling, or if in fact he is even feeling at all.

~x~

The early morning light crept across my bedroom floor as it spilled through the white mesh curtains that hung in front of my bedroom windows. From the light blue hue of the light, I estimated that it was about five in the morning. The party downstairs had slowly withered and eroded until about half two in the morning when the only conscious person left was the DJ and he left shortly afterwards having been pre paid by my father. There were people passed out on various couches but that was about it.

In my bedroom, there were five bodies. Daphne and Blaise were sprawled across the couch in the corner, Blaise was curled up on the spacious window seat whilst Draco and I were lead (fully clothed and on top of the covers) on my bed. We weren't touching, not at all. But it was as if we were _connected_. We were both led on our sides, our eyes perfectly in line with the others. He was just a breath away and we were staring at each other while we spoke quietly with such an intensity that was both beautiful and terrifying.

We had talked for two hours about well, everything. Favourite colours, favourite meals…happiest moments, saddest moments etc. We hadn't kissed or touched once. But it was still an intimate and private moment. We were getting to really _know _one another. Something that was knew to both of us.

"Has he been sentenced yet?" The conversation had turned to his father and his current situation.

"No, the trial is next week but it won't last long. There is too much evidence against him. He won't stand a chance."

"How is your mother taking it?" I had noticed that Narcissa Malfoy had not attended my party alongside her son.

"I think she's scared." I was surprised that he was being so open with me. "Her whole life she has depended on and hid behind my father. And now he's gone, I don't think she knows what to do. She doesn't leave the house much. I suspect that she is too mortified about the _scandal_."

"What do you feel about it?" It was cliché but I needed to know how this weight was affecting him. If I understood his pain, I could know how to deal with it better.

"I'm not sure. At times I think that he deserves to be there and now he is paying for his actions as he should but…" he paused for a moment, struggling to acquire the right words "sometimes…I hate him for getting _caught_. I understand now that he _had_ to do what he did. But now…he's left _me_ to clean up _his_ mess and…I'm not ready…I…I'm not prepared for this." I did not know what he was referring to, but I didn't question him any further on it. He would tell me when he was ready. "And then there's you." He added after a few moments of comfortable silence.

"What about me?" I asked, unsure of his meaning.

"I don't understand what you are to me." He brought up his hand for the first time that morning and ran it gently back and forth across my bare fore arm. "There are times when I despise you."

"Why?" I choked out, uncertain of where this conversation was heading.

"You make me weak." He said simply. "I'm not ready to be weak." I thought that was the end of his revelation but he continued. "But on the other hand, whenever I'm with you…I forget that I am weak. I don't forget the impossible task that has been asked of me but somehow…when I'm with you it seems…well, possible."

"I'm glad I can help you, Draco. But if you carry on acting like a prick around both me and various other people, I don't see how I_ can_ be around _you_." He chuckled at my insult but did not stop caressing my arm.

"But don't you see, Nikki. That's who I am. I _am_ an arrogant bastard who has too much money and too little sense. I _am_ a muggle hating twat who will stop at nothing to get what he wants. But…I want you to understand that. I'm not going to hide myself around you."

"Okay," I said after a moment to deliberate his words "but I want _you_ to understand that if you ever do something that I do not agree with then I will not just stand aside and let you do it. I have a voice of my own and I have an opinion of my own and if our views clash, I'm not going to be silenced like some pathetic trophy wife." I did not raise my voice, but anger still flashed through his eyes.

"If your _views_ involve helping _Potter_, then mark my words I _will_ silence you and I _will_ make you regret it."

"You were beating him up for _no_ reason whatsoever!"

"He's _Potter_! I don't need an excuse to hit him!"

"But it wasn't as if you bumped into each other. You _purposefully_ tracked him down _just_ to pick a fight." I calmed my voice. But then a memory hit me, and it was raised again. "And _who's_ Jenna?"

"Who?" His face was puzzled.

"Jenna something; The girl you are supposedly dating!"

"Please, I haven't even been able to perform since-" He cut himself off but I knew the words already. _Since the train home_. After a few minutes of intense heated glares, his expression softened, and he brought his hand back up to my cheek. "I just can't lose you, not yet."

"I'm not going anywhere." It was complicated. It was fucked up. But I knew that I simply _couldn't _be without him. What had he done to me? This beautiful blonde heir had fucked me up big time. "So where does this leave us?" I asked, nervous for his answer.

"I don't know. But for the moment, we have now. We have this." I nodded in agreement as he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer so that my face was nestled into his warm and toned chest. Within his embrace, sleep took over quickly.

~x~

He was gone when I awoke. The space on the bed beside me was empty and I could no longer feel his warmth. Sometime during my slumber, he must have wrapped the white blanket that led at the end of my bed around me. But I was still shivering due to the lack of his body temperature. There was no note, no promise to meet again. Nothing. Rejection swelled inside me as I sighed and swung my legs over the side of the bed. I needed a shower.

After having washed, I pulled my hair up into a messy and unruly bun and threw on an old pair of light blue, ripped skinny jeans, a white strappy camisole and my favourite navy blue converse. Blaise and Daphne were still passed out, but Theo was nowhere to be seen. I travelled out of my room and down the spiral staircase. The unconscious party goers from last night were gone and Maria and several other employees of my father's were cleaning up the living room and terrace and returning them to their former state.

Once in the kitchen, I went straight to the fridge and pulling out a fat free strawberry yoghurt and pouring myself a glass of organic fresh orange juice. Theo was sat at the island counter in the centre of the kitchen wolfing down a full English breakfast.

"Slow down, Theo. You're gonna hurt yourself." I joked as I slid into the other stool at the counter next to him.

"You too, don't eat that yoghurt all at once." We both laughed as I peeled the lid off of the yoghurt pot.

"So, I forgot to ask. How was Egypt?"

"Alright I guess, there wasn't really much to do. I would rather have stayed here and kept you company. Were you all right without me and Daph for an _entire_ five weeks?" He shovelled a forkful of sausage into his mouth.

"I managed." There was no way I was telling him about my little run-ins with Draco. He and Daph would _crucify_ me.

"Yeah, Blaise was telling me that you two hung out. I didn't even know you'd ever spoken to him?"

"It just sort of happened. He's nice but…" I didn't want Theo to go telling Blaise that I was into him or anything "I think of his as a friend."

"Well trust me; he thinks the world of you. He wouldn't stop going on about you before the party. Are you sure _he_ knows that you are just friends?" I groaned silently at his words. I really didn't want to hurt Blaise. But I couldn't think of him that way.

"I don't know, he asked me out and I said yes to be polite. And I had a good time but…I see him as a brother figure…like I see you."

"I can talk to him…if you'd like?" I opened my mouth to protest but he interrupted me. "I wouldn't say that you'd said anything or anything. I'd just say that you weren't ready. I'd just bring it up casually."

"That'd actually be great. I'll talk to him after as well, but if you could sort of plant the idea that we're not going to happen, it might not be a shock when I tell him." I needed to let Blaise down easily. I still wanted him in my life…just not in _that_ way. "Thank you."

"No problem. Blaise is kind of a ladies man anyway, don't ant you messing with the likes of him."

"Thanks big brother." I patted him on the shoulder lightly before finishing my yoghurt and putting the empty pot in the bin. "So, what do you want to do today?"

"I was gonna go to Diagon Alley. I haven't got my school shit yet."

"I actually haven't got my supplies either, and I don't think Daph has. Are we alright to come with?"

"Sure, it'll be great. You've got the list of things we need, right?" Theo asked, having obviously lost his.

"Of course."

I trudged back upstairs and attempted to wake Daphne. After two punches in the face and a handful of verbal abuse on her side, I finally succeeded.

~x~

**Ola! Thank you for all your lovely reviews and a special thanks to **_**Laurenmlbc**_**. Thank you Lauren for reviewing on every chapter so far, I always look forward to your comments. If in this chapter, Draco came across as too soft for you, don't be alarmed. Draco is confused about his emotions at the moment but all will become very clear in the next few chapters. Please review as I love to hear from you. **

**Love, **

**musicmeanslove**


	7. Time Will Kiss The World Goodbye

Chapter Seven: Time Will Kiss The World Goodye

_The summer sun, it blows my mind__  
__Is falling down on all that I've ever known__  
__Time will kiss the world goodbye__  
__Falling down on all that I've ever known__  
__Is all that I've ever known___

_A dying scream makes no sound__  
__Calling out to all that I've ever known__  
__Here am I, lost and found__  
__Calling out to all___

_We live a dying dream__  
__If you know what I mean__  
__All that I've ever known__  
__It's all that I've ever known_

_Oasis – Falling Down_

The glossy black train groaned and lurched as the strongly present storm outside pelted against the steam engine's walls. The world outside of the thick glass windows was grey and miserable, wet and depressing. It was evidence that this beautiful summer was well and truly over. I was sat at the window seat of our small carriage, my head resting on my hands, my sketchpad balanced on my knees and my knees brought up to my chest. I had added two new sketches to my sketchpad. One of the dreary and bleak landscape outside and the other of the old but smiling lady who came around with the sweet trolley. It was safe to say…I was bored.

Daphne was sat opposite me, her long light brown hair falling over her shoulders as she peered at the latest issue of _Witch Weekly._ Theo had gone off to talk to Blaise and any minute now, Daphne would have to attend some form of 'gathering' that a new professor had arranged. It was a select group of supposed _elite_ students. Daphne would fit right in, I was sure of it. And I wo0uld be left alone. Fucking great.

I had not seen or heard from Draco since my party. I had heard Ron Weasly mutter something about him and his 'gittish' ways when we crossed paths in Diagon Alley but that had been about it. I didn't know what I had done. At first I had just assumed that he had to leave for something important. But in the entire week left of the summer holidays, he had not tried to contact me _once_. Not even to explain his disappearance. And I was cursing myself because I _should _have been angry. I _should_ have been _furious_! But all I could feel was worry and compassion for the boy that was slowly hacking at my emotions with a rusty ice pick.

I didn't _want_ to be this person. I didn't want to wake up every morning thinking of him. I didn't want my only wish to be that he was safe and okay. But this was how it was. I wasn't ready to ask what that truly meant.

I turned and placed my sketchbook on top of the few school text books that occupied the seat beside me. I had planned on skimming through them and getting familiar with the topics I would be studying in the forthcoming year, but I really couldn't be fucked. I pulled out my O.W.L results and reread them.

_ORDINARY WIZARDING LEVEL RESULTS_

_Pass Grades: Outstanding (O) Fail Grades: Poor (P)_

_Exceeds Expectations (E) Dreadful (D)_

_Acceptable (A) Troll (T)_

_NIKKIA ISABELLA MILLIE VALENTINE HAS ACHIEVED:_

_Astronomy: E_

_Care of Magical Creatures: __D_

_Charms: O_

_Defence Against the Dark Arts: O_

_Divination: E_

_Herbology: P_

_History of Magic: P_

_Potions: O_

_Transfiguration: O_

Due to achieving _poor_ grades in both Herbology and History of Magic and a _dreadful _grade in Care of Magical Creatures, I would not be continuing with these classes this year. I didn't care at all though, they were boring subjects and this meant that I would have more free periods to do…well…whatever the fuck I wanted. My father had transferred seven hundred galleons into my account due to my 'excellent' grades, half of which I had taken out and brought to get me y at my first term at Hogwarts.

I heard a shuffle in front of me and looked up to find that Daphne was already up and grabbing her Gucci travel bag.

"Time to go?" I asked, knowing the answer.

"Yep, it shouldn't be too long. An hour maximum." She leant forward and placed a friendly kiss on my cheek. "I'll see you later."

"Bye," I called as she pulled open the carriage door and fled into the narrow corridor, not bothering to shut the door behind her. \i rolled my eyes before picking myself up off my seat and walking towards the door. As my hand gripped the handle, I saw Blaise speed walking up to me, a grin on his face.

"Hey, Nikki! You going to this Slughorn thing too?" My insides were drenched in guilt at the glimmer of hope in his voice.

"No, I wasn't invited." His face fell for a split second before regaining his cheeky grin.

"Ah well, it's probably just gonna be full of fancy arsed dicks anyway."

"It must be, _you're_ going." We both laughed at my wit. "Have you seen Theo, by the way?

"Yeah, I was just with him. He's in the prefect carriages. H4, I think." I groaned. I _despised_ the prefect carriages. I had only been in there on a few occasions last year when Daphne had been dated a seventh year. On those occasions, I always found that the prefects seemed to _glare_ at me as though they were going to dock points just for treading on _their_ territory.

"Okay, well I best go and find him. I'll see you later." I cringed at my words, realizing what I had just said.

"Definitely." He winked before squeezing past me and following Daphne. I really did not want to give Blaise the wrong idea. Although I still wanted him in my life, I had thought it would be best to try and avoid him until and a little bit after Theo and I had talked to him. It wouldn't be fair to be in his face everyday, especially if he liked me as much as he said he did.

I turned and walked the opposite way from Blaise, thinking of the failure that was my life as I did so. I reached the door that looked to be the end of the train and slipped inside. The plush carpet and rich patterned wallpaper instantly informed me that I had entered the prefect carriages. Along the walls were pictures of past head masters and professors that smiled and waved at me whilst I passed by. I scanned the carriage numbers with my eyes. _G5,G6,H1,H2,H3…H4!_ I peaked through the window and sure enough, Theo sat comfortably, his long legs stretched in front of him as he looked to be having a serious conversation with…my heart sank to my stomach.

Draco Malfoy was led across the opposite seat to Theo, his feet on the mahogany leather and his resting in the lap of Pansy Parkinson whilst she combed through his hair with her fingers, a look of adoration in her eyes. I quickly moved myself so that I was out of sight and had my back against the small opaque wall that separated one carriage from the other. I felt my eyes blurring as a lump formed in my throat. _No!_ Draco _fucking_ Malfoy would _not_ make me cry!

From the corner of my eye, I saw the girl's lavatory sign. I bolted through the door and locked it firmly behind me before placing both my hands on either side of the porcelain sink and leaning into my reflection, resting my forehead against the cool surface of the mirror and glaring my reflection in its emerald eyes.

How could he do this to me? What had happened to the Draco from the summer? My Draco! Had he really turned back into that selfish, arrogant _bastard_? I thought about it a little more. I guess I couldn't blame him. Pansy was beautiful. Her high cheekbones and elegant features were enough to make any girl kill herself in jealousy. And her glossy black hair shimmered whenever caught in the light. She was always wearing the latest fashion whilst I was stood there in my ripped and faded jeans and a plain white vest top. I eyed my reflection in the mirror more closely.

_Pansy was slim, too._

The second the thought entered my mind, I did everything I could to push it back out again. I _couldn't _do this. Not now, not ever. I was _done_ with that, it was in my past. Those horrid yet familiar thoughts were once almost the death of me. I would not let them control me again. I couldn't stare at myself anymore. Clenching my fist, I brought up my hand and crashed it against the mirror, sending millions of tiny shards hurtling towards the tiled floor. I stared at my bleeding hand for a while before looking back at the broken mirror.

A few shards remained and it was in them that I once again saw my reflection. And then I knew what I had to do. With practice and ease, I flew into the nearest toilet cubicle and knelt down in front of the white bowl. When it was over, I cried.

~x~

Twenty five minutes later, I once again found myself stood in front of carriage H4. Only this time, I was ready. I knocked twice on the glass with two quick raps before sliding open the door, not waiting for an invitation. I could see that Theo was still deeply immersed in his conversation but as soon as he saw me, he stopped talking and smiled.

"Hey, Theo. We should get ready." I refused to even glance at Draco.

"Yeah, you're right." He said after checking his Rolex. Just as he was about to slide the door closed behind us, I heard Draco call out.

"Theodore?" he waited until Theo was looking at him before continuing. "We shall continue this discussion later." Theo only nodded briefly before closing the door and smiling down at me. He had really grown over the summer, he was now _at least_ six foot two and that was practically giant compared to my little five foot four.

"What was all that about?" I asked subtly, my voice soft and nonchalant. I didn't want to come across as pressing.

"Nothing, just…nothing." He said casually. If I hadn't known him since we were three then I would not have caught his lie.

"Theodore Nott, you cannot lie to me, I know you too well." I raised my eyebrows at him.

"Seriously, it's just stuff to do with our dads." I was puzzled.

"What do you mean? What's going on with your dad?"

"Are you being serious?" He looked at me as if I were about to crack the punch line any second now. I nodded my head hesitantly. "He was arrested at the start of the summer, Nik. He's a death eater."

This was a revelation. I had known about Lucius Malfoy being a death eater, but never Theo's father. He was always so kind and wise. What shocked me the most was how much the news didn't affect me. I had never really 'chosen a side' in the whole Voldemort thing. As long as my family and friends were safe, I didn't care who ruled the country. But Theo was my friend…and _his_ family was locked away in Azkaban.

"I'm sorry, Theo." I placed a gentle and comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Don't be. I'm not. He went down for the _right_ reasons. He was doing what he believed in. He was doing it for Vol-" He stopped himself, but only to lower his voice. "He did it for the dark lord. That's so cool!" I laughed at his enthusiasm. "And now, I have to follow in his footsteps. But," he added "there's not much I can do. Draco is so lucky that he gets to-" he cut himself off once again, realizing his mistake. I wouldn't pressure him. I would find out another way. Instead, I chose to pretend that I hadn't heard him.

"I'm sure you'll think of something." He sighed a breath of relief and ran a hand through his tousled dark brown hair.

"Yeah…I hope so."

~x~

"First years! Follow me!" Hagrid's deep voice boomed over the mass of students. "And the rest o' yer!" He looked at the large group of pupils already making their way up the hill to the Thestral pulled carriages. "You know where 'o go." I watched in amusement as a flock of panicked and distressed first years sped over to Hagrid as though he were their knight in shining armour. I looked the giant up and down. _Hardly_.

Daphne, Theo and I trudged up the hill along with the rest of the upper class men. As we neared to top of the hill, I noticed that there was something _different_. Atop of the hill were five aurors. I only knew them to be aurors as I had seen them around the school several times in the previous years. When all the students seemed to have come to a halt in front of the aurors, a man I knew as Mad Eye Moody from Defence Against the Dark Arts classes two years ago stood forward and cleared his throat loudly as to silence the crowd.

"Students! If I could have your attention please." The crowd fell silent. "Thank you. As I am sure you are all aware, in recent weeks there have been several incidents where dark magic has taken place. Due to these circumstances, the Ministry has had no choice but to increase the security levels of all schools in the wizarding community. Therefore, in a few moments, you will all form orderly queues in front of my co-workers and I and your carry on luggage will be searched." Groans and protests could be heard throughout.

"Anyone who denies these searches" Moody raised his gruff voice "will be forced to vacate the premises effective immediately and will be unable to complete their education at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry." Silence once again cast a spell over the crowd. "Good. Now, if you would all please line up behind one auror, this will be done quickly and professionally." The crowd began dispersing into each of the five lines and my friends and I were no exception, queuing up behind a purple haired auror.

"This is _insane_!" Daphne wailed. "If anyone breaks _any_ of my stuff, I will _not_ be responsible for my actions." I laughed at her spoiled antics but I was alone. I looked to Theo and saw that he was too busy scanning the students with his eyes, searching for someone.

"Theo?" I asked.

"Yeah, Nik?" He didn't stop looking out to the crowd.

"You don't…you know…have anything that you would want to _hide_, do you?"

"What? No, no, definitely not. I just…I think I know someone who might. But…"He searched once more before turning to me and smiling. "He doesn't seem to be here." He didn't say anything else but I knew exactly who it was. Draco was nowhere to be seen.

~x~

Halfway through the feast, the double doors to the great hall opened and in walked Harry Potter, his body battered, his nose broken and blood dripping down his face and onto his dark grey tee shirt. The fact that he was twenty minutes late did not seem to affect him, instead he sauntered into the middle of the room where he sat down beside Ron and Hermione, He held up a hand of gratitude to the many people that were asking concerned questions, as if he were an iconic hero and his 'battle wounds were merely scratches. _Smug twat._ It may have made me a horrid person, but at times like these I sort of _understood_ Draco and his random 'beat up Harry' times.

Draco himself had come in ten minutes late, but he had simply slipped in and taken his seat next to Blaise. _He_ hadn't made a song and dance about it like _Potter_ was currently doing. Come to think about it, I hadn't seen Draco say anything at all since he had entered the great hall. He was just staring off into nothing, lost in his own thoughts.

Something was happening. Something bad. I could _feel_ it. I should hate him, he mad it _so _ easy. But instead, I found myself feeling the strange yet insistent _need_ to ensure that Draco was okay, no matter the consequences. As I continued to look at his empty gaze, I found myself hiving to grip my seat just to stop me from running and wrapping him in my arms. Now that _would've_ been a scandal.

Then and there, I made it my sole mission to find out exactly what was going on. Theo would be the weakest link but I couldn't pester him for everything, it would have been too suspicious. I had to find another way.

"Nikki, try the potatoes. They're _divine_." Daphne pushed a bowl of roast potatoes and I obliged by putting a few on my plate, nibbling and the thick, crisp skin. I was determined not to let my minor relapse affect me. It was a one time thing, I would just forget that it ever happened. The only other person besides my father and Maria (and some of the healers at St. Mungoes) was Daphne. I imagined informing her of the 'incident' and could picture how her face would fall into a mixture of disappointment and worry. It wasn't fair to worry her over nothing, and I wasn't ready for her to be disappointed in me.

"Delicious." I stated and she smiled, returning to her full plate. She did that every so often, made sure that I was eating. All though I had informed her profusely that my condition was gone for good. "I forgot to ask," she mentioned after gobbling up her Yorkshire pudding "what subjects have you dropped?"

"Herbology, Creatures and History. You?"

"Potions, Astronomy and Defence." I raised my eyebrows at her. "What? You know I'm not good at protecting myself. I plan on marrying a man who can do that for me." We both giggled. "So that means we only have Transfiguration, Charms and Divination together." She jutted out her bottom lip and gave me sad eyes. "No more History giggles and mid Astronomy snacks."

"I'll miss you, Daph." I meant it. "What did Theo drop, anyway?"

"Astronomy, Divination, Herbology, History and Creatures." My eyes widened. "I know," Daphne responded to my dropped jaw. "But he still has five and these are the five that he got O's in." She shrugged.

My eyes betrayed me and made their way back to Draco. He was sitting in exactly the same way, not saying a word, not staring at anything in particular. He was just…_distant._ It was then that the light sound of ringing china was heard throughout and Dumbledore rose from his seat and walked delicately towards the podium. The noise of the students died immediately given the great respect that everyone in the room had for the old head master.

"The best of evenings to you!" He spread out his arms wide to welcome us back once again. Gasps came from everywhere as people took in the vision of horror that was his right hand. It were as if his hand had suddenly died and begun decomposing whilst the rest of his body had remained as it was, living. His hand was blackened with traces of white where the skin had sagged and rippled. All in all, it wasn't a very pretty sight. Dumbledore must have realised what the fuss was about, as he quickly pulled the purple sleeve of his robe down to cover his injury.

"Nothing to worry about." He said, killing the whispers and stares. "Now…to our new students, welcome; to our old students, welcome back! Another year full of magical education awaits you and I am most certain that you will all use this time splendidly." A coughing noise came from behind the staff table and Dumbledore remembered instantly without looking behind. "Ah yes! Mr Filch, our caretaker has asked me to say that there is a blanket ban on any pf the joke items bought at the shop called _Weasley's Wizard Wheezes_.

"Those wishing to play for their house Quidditch teams should give their names to their Heads of House as usual. We are also looking for new Quidditch commentators, who should do like wise.

"We are pleased to welcome a new member of staff this year. Professor Slughorn," A balding and rather chubby man stood up and gave a faint wave, "is a former colleague of mine who has agreed to resume his old post as Potions Master." Murmurs were heard amongst the students. If this new professor was going to be the Potions Master, then that would mean…"Professor Snape, meanwhile, will be taking over the position of Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher."

Chaos emanated in the great hall as people gasped and chatted to their friends about this recent revelation. Dumbledore cleared his throat and the room's inhabitants were once again silenced.

"Now, as everybody in this Hall knows, Lord Voldemort and his followers are once more at large and gaining strength." Many sharp intakes of breaths sounded when Dumbledore named the dark lord. He went on to talk about how the safety of the school and protection of its students were at a greater risk than they had ever been, and therefore he ordered caution and sense. I was too focused on how Draco's fists were clenched and his eyes were fuming, to listen to my head master's safety precaution speech. What was going through that arrogant head of his? What was wrong?

~x~

I had been waiting in the Slytherin common room for two hours. For the first, Daphne had been with me and we had had fun making our predictions for the forthcoming year. But then she got tired and I told her I was just going to read down there whilst it was quiet for a bit. Draco had not stepped foot inside that common room. It was eleven o'clock at night. Even if he was (the thought alone made me feel sick) sleeping at another girls, he would've at least come to his room _once_ on the first night.

I was now alone in the common room which wasn't surprising, the only reason my eyes weren't drooping was because I had caught up on some sleep on the train. I was reading a _Banksy _art book, tracing each line with my memory and shivering at the vibrant colours and hidden meanings. Just then, the portrait door was flung open and a drunk Blaise and a _very_ drunk Theo crawled down the large marble steps.

"Good night?" I raised my eyebrows and bit my lip in an attempt not to laugh. The two boys jolted at the sudden sound and looked up with startled eyes.

"Nikki," Theo slurred, "What are you doing down here?"

"I've fucked up my sleeping pattern by snoozing on the train. Where have you _been_?"

"We may have st-stumbled across a…a…a Ravenclaw party." Blaise's voice was more controlled, but he still made a few slip ups. "Oh shit, man!" He turned and smacked Theo around the head lightly. "We forgot to give Malfoy that book."

"_I'll_ do it." The words were out of my mouth before I had a chance to think about them. The boys looked at me as if I were an alien. I thought quickly. "I mean…if either of you goes out there again, you'll get caught instantly or you'll collapse."

"You're right," relief flooded through me at Blaise's words. "Here's the book." He handed me a heavy leather bound copy of _Dark Arts: a Never Ending Victory_. "He'll be in the library, restricted section probably."

"Okay," I shrugged, taking the book from him and hoisting it into my arms. "you two boys get to bed! You're going to be hung-over for class tomorrow." I smiled and walked briskly up the stairs.

"It was worth it!" I heard Theo call out as I slipped through the portrait door.

~x~

Well this was a fucking waste of time. The library was a ghost town. No, a ghost town had ghosts. The library had no ghost, no spirits and _definitely_ no people. The small light at the tip of my wand proved that the study desks were indeed all empty, and the isles between the bookshelves were all deserted. I sighed and tilted my head back as I shifted the heavy book from my right hand to my left. Blaise was an _idiot_! Why would Draco be at the _library_ of all places? I had heard that he forced his house elf into doing his homework.

The air was cold and still as I moved to go back to the common room but all of a sudden, something in the shadows caught my eye. The door to the restricted section was ajar. My heart thudded in my chest as I lightly crept towards the open door, anticipating what was to come. The door made no sound as I gently pushed the large wood, giving me the advantage of silence. The bookshelves towered over me and were creepy looking. I would never admit it but…I was fucking scared. But then I rounded a corner and saw a faint flicker of candle light emanating from one of the study desks and a swell of relief coursed through me. I extinguished the light of my wand and continued to creep around the corner, like a moth to a flame.

And there he was. His platinum blonds hair was dull in the orange glow of the candle not giving it it'd usual shimmering justice. I was dumbfounded by the way that his mere presence alone could send shivers tingling down my spine. I couldn't bare it any longer. I silently rushed forward and placed the book down gently on the mahogany desk next to him.

"What are you _doing_ here?" he didn't look up, and the venom in his words caused a lump to form in my throat. But I soldiered on.

"Blaise asked me to give you this." I ran my hands over the leather cover of the book.

"Then you can go now." He turned the page of his book, still not giving me the satisfaction of a glance into those cold grey eyes.

I thought about leaving, I really did. But I literally _couldn't_. Draco was going through something. What? I had no idea. But I _had_ to be there for him. I didn't know why or for what purpose, I just knew what I had to do. I slid the chair out from under the desk beside him and sat down, pulling various textbooks out of my bag. He looked at me then, but I refused to meet his gaze as I looked down upon _Potions for the Brink of Death_.

"What do you think you're doing?" He spat the words as though he hated me with every fibre in his body. I almost flinched at his words but I acted nonchalant and oblivious to his protest.

"I've got some reading to catch up on anyway." I opened the front page but the words blended into one another. I couldn't be less interested in what this book had to say.

"Then do it _somewhere else_. I don't _want_ you here!" I caught his intense glare then and matched it with one of my own.

"Why, Draco? Why don't you want me here?"

"Why should I?" He sneered and my heart cracked painfully.

"You're not my _wife_, you're not my _girlfriend_, you're not my _friend_, you're not my _anything_. You mean _nothing_ to me!" The words cut through me like rusty swords that were blunt and scolding hot.

"What happened to you? This summer…things were good." I tried the softer approach.

"This summer?" He scoffed. "This summer was just a _ploy_ between Blaise and I to see who could get into your knickers first. But after your party, I realised that you were just a frigid little girl who wasn't even _worth _the effort!"

His words sank in and I lowered my head, surprised at the lack of tears that were residing in my eyes. I guess deep down, I had known all along. Draco Malfoy was not capable of _change_. The only emotion I felt was disappointment. I was disappointed in myself for allowing myself to get caught up in this silly play of lust. Of course it was all false. Why would the great 'Slytherin Prince' _ever_ fall for little Nikki Valentine.

I stood up abruptly and gathered my books into my arms. "Okay, I'll..." I was lost for words. "I guess…I need to…to get back." Was the best that I could stutter out before turning awkwardly and walking stiffly towards the door.

"Nikki!" He called out and his voice sounded almost _desperate_, a _plea_. But this was just another one of his games. I turned back to face him, refusing to look him in the eye and instead gazing blankly at a mark on the wall just above his head. He had stood up and was about to take a step towards me.

"Don't." He halted. "Don't make this hurt anymore." I didn't care that I had just admitted to Draco the pain that he was causing me. I didn't care that to him I was now just a weak little girl. I _needed_ to be weak. I _needed_ to be vulnerable. My whole world had just burned in a fiery apocalypse whilst I just stood there and watched.

It was only five minutes after I had walked out of the library that I realised that I was heading in the opposite direction to the Slytherin dormitories. Instead, I found myself making my way towards the girl's lavatories. The ones that no one had used in years. It was there that my little 'incident' from the train came back to haunt me.

~x~

**I know that most of you will hate me for this chapter. And believe me, I hate myself too right now. But this is necessary for the story, trust me. From now on, this will run alongside The Half Blood Prince, so any similarities that you see in this story are taken straight out of the book itself. The beginning of Dumbledore's speech was taken word for word from the book. So I am doing one of those none credit things:**

**Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns everything except Nikki.**

**I also wanted to say that in the next few chapters, Nikki will be suffering with Bulimia. This is a subject very close to my heart and in the first few chapters, as it is told from Nikki's point of view, it may seem to be described as a good thing. IT IS NOT! Please don't get the impression that I am promoting the condition, but as it **_**is**_** told by Nikki, I have to explain what **_**she**_** feels and since Bulimia is also a disease of the mind, I have to show how Nikki believes there is nothing wrong with her condition. **

**PLEASE REVIEW! **

**I cannot stress how important it is for you all to review. How will I know if my writing is any good if I don't hear from you? **

**Thank you to everyone who **_**has**_** reviewed. I love reading your thoughts and ecause of you I am trying to update faster. **

**Lots of love, **

**musicmeanslove **


	8. I Wish I Was Special

Chapter 8: I Wish I Was Special

_When you were here before_

_I couldn't look you in the eye_

_You're just like an angel_

_Your skin makes me cry _

_You float like a feather_

_In a beautiful world_

_I wish I was special_

_You're so fucking special_

_But I'm a creep_

_Radiohead – Creep_

Weeks had passed. In fact, it had been two _months_ since my encounter with Draco in the library. I had seen him once or twice around school, but I had never looked long enough to see if he had noticed me. I didn't want to, it hurt too much. I didn't _want_ to feel like this. It was so beautifully ironic that only then as I held onto the pieces of my heart with my fingertips, did I truly realise just how much Draco Malfoy meant to me. My life was a blank and dusty canvas, a scribbled out and rejected poem. I had no meaning, no rhyme, and no melody. I just drifted along listening to Daphne talk about the latest trends or the hottest guys and nodding my head every now and then, adding the occasional 'Really?" to our one sided conversations.

Theo and Daphne had tried to talk to me about it. In mid October they had sat me down in the empty common room and had tried to do a 'friendship intervention' as they had so colourfully put it. They had tried and they had failed. I _couldn't_ tell them about Draco. If I told them, it would be this 'big deal' that they would want to talk about and they would want me to tell them everything from the beginning. It hurt too much to thing about the summer, that beautiful summer. So I didn't. I didn't think about anything.

My little 'relapses' had turned into a full blown condition. But I was fine. I was eating well enough for two! I had even put on weight! All the more reason to purge. And after ten minutes of purging, I found that I felt the most alive, the most free than I had ever been in the last two years. I didn't even have to stick two fingers down my throat anymore.

Daphne had asked me once or twice if I was dieting; and she raised her eyebrows suspiciously as she questioned. I always found excuses, but you can only say 'I ate before' too many times before someone cottons on.

I also found that my condition gave me something else to think about other than Draco. It took my mind of him when I had to plan which lavatory I would use and how quickly I could finish. I was fine…I think.

Sure, there were some nights when Draco battled his way into my thoughts and I wanted to climb the womping willow and some nights, the bastard even made me _cry_! But besides from that, I was okay. It would have helped if I could have talked to someone about the failure that was my life but the only person who would possibly understand was also the blonde boy who was putting me through this shit. I couldn't win!

I also hadn't spoken to Blaise. But he, unlike Draco, had been persistent in contacting me. Unfortunately, I shared my double Potions class with only three other Slytherins; Theo, Blaise and Draco. But luckily, since Snape had become the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, I did not have to continue my partnership with Blaise. Also, I did not gather any of the ingredients that Snape had set has homework. Theo and I just chatted and talked even though we shared a table with our fellow housemates, not of my own choice I assure you.

Daphne had informed me that Draco's eyes had become constantly surrounded by dark black circles due to what she suggested was sleep deprivation. I pretended not to care but I still avoided looking at him for more than two seconds at a time. I _needed_ him to think that I did not care. Maybe then I would come off as less pathetic.

The cold November frost howled at the dormitory windows as I led on my bed drawing black and messy flowers in my sketchpad.

"Wow," Daphne peered over my shoulder at my creations, "when did all your art become so depressing?"

"Since all the good things became boring."

"Touché." She said and wandered back to her dressing table, plaiting her light brown hair. "Nik?"

"Yes, Daphne?" I was nervous; she was using her maternal voice.

"Don't go all crazy on me," uh oh, "but Theo and I were talking the other day and he asked me if you were eating properly and…" She saw my eyes widen in fear, "No, no! I'd never tell him, of course. But…well…I've kind of noticed it too…and I've…well…I've noticed how often you've been going to the bathroom lately…and…it's always…you know…straight after a meal. Please be honest with me, Nikki. Is it back?"

I couldn't lie to her…but I could bend the truth.

"Okay…there were a couple of times about two weeks ago-"

"Nikki! I-" She tried to but in but I carried on.

"…_but_ I was so stressed with all the Potions and Dark Arts homework. But that was two weeks ago." She stayed silent for a few moments, conveying my admittance.

"But it's over now?" She asked hesitantly. I _had_ to lie. There was no way around it. I nodded my head solemnly.

"I'm not stressed anymore." That wasn't a lie.

"Okay, but your father made me _swear_ to contact him if anything _ever_ happened like that again so I-"

"No!" I almost shrieked. "I mean…it would only worry him…and there's no need for him to be worried, not with this big contract coming up. He signed _twelve_ different artists this month, Daph. If you told him about this, he wouldn't be able to think straight." I was babbling, I knew it. But I was so panicked at the thought of my father finding out. If my father knew, Maria would know and I would be sent straight back to St. Mungoes. My idea of hell.

"Alright! I won't tell him. But you have to _promise_ that it will _never _happen again. Promise?"

"I promise." It was a lie. I big fat fucking lie. But I felt no guilt. She could never know of my little secret. _Never_.

~x~

"..now remember students, Hogsmeade visits are only allowed if all students agree to behave expertly. We are representatives of the school and therefore must respect the locals' environment. Now, if you'd all board your carriages, we will depart." Professor McGonagall's shrill voice died softly as the entire upper class men made their way onto the Thestral pulled carriages, Theo, Daphne and I all boarding into one as per usual. I grimaced uncomfortably when Blaise popped his head in the window.

"Hey Theo, mind if I ride with you guys?"

"Sure!" Theo and Blaise fist bumped after Blaise had hoisted himself up into the confined carriage, sitting next to Daphne who was thrilled, and opposite me. It was safe to say, my feelings were less welcoming than Daphne's.

"Daph," He smiled at Daphne, "Nikki," He nodded at me, his smile loosening when he saw me smile slightly and look out of the window. I was _not_ in the mood to deal with Blaise. Not in the slightest.

After that, Daphne and Theo engaged in one of their 'flirt fights' whilst I continued to look out onto the beautiful snow covered hills, Blaise staring at me nervously the entire time. He finally spoke, his voice hushed and hesitant.

"Nikki, have I…have I done something? Something wrong, I mean?" I sighed, I guess now was as good a time as any.

"Draco told me about your little bet." I said smarmily and met his gaze. He flinched as he saw the ice in my glare.

"What?" He asked, acting oblivious. Not smart, not smart at all.

"Oh you know, the bet that you and Draco played to see who could bed me first? Or has your memory been wiped?"

"Nikki…I would never…" He stuttered dumbfounded and I rolled my eyes.

"Save it, Zabini!" I spat his last name. "I've had quite enough of you and your fucked up games." My voice was raised and my subconscious noted that Theo and Daphne had fallen silent.

"What's this I hear, man? You've been _betting_ on Nikki? You better explain yourself in the next ten seconds or I'm gonna show you some things I learnt from my father! Theo threatened and pulled out his wand. Blaise's eyes remained pitiful and ashamed…but there was no fear in those large brown eyes, none whatsoever.

"Nikki…I like you…_a lot_. I would never do anything like that. _I'm_ not like that." His eyes were soft and innocent, but before I could open my mouth to speak, Theo was sneering.

"_You're not like that_? How many girls have I seen crying over _you_? How long is your list of supposed _conquests_? Don't you _dare_ fucking lie to her!" It was then that the carriage slowed to a halt and the sounds of footsteps crunching on thick snow invaded our ears.

"I have to go." I interrupted the intense silence and quickly hurled myself out of the carriage.

"I'll go with you!" Daphne's sweet voice was filled with concern.

"No…I need...I just…I'll see you later." And with that I almost ran to my favourite shop, _Dominic Maestro's_; the only music shop for miles.

~x~

It was fucking freezing. I had on a huge red duffle coat with the hood pulled over my hair, a thick cashmere cream scarf which covered my mouth and nose, matching gloves and fluffy chestnut _Ugg_ boots on and I was still shivering and my teeth could be heard chattering by anyone who walked by. After spending half an hour in the warm and cosy confines of _Dominic Maestro's_, I had left the shop and the friendly shopkeeper and had decided to go on a walk. That was the worst mistake of my life as I was now standing at the entrance to the shrieking shack and could not move my legs. I had not seen Daphne or Theo; I was not ready.

After five minutes of being literally frozen to the spot, I willed my legs to move and made my way to _The Three Broomsticks_, simply because there was smoke omitting from a chimney. In other words, there was a fire burning; _warmth_.

There were only a handful of locals who were wandering the streets. I assumed due to the impending rise of the dark lord, everyone was scared shitless to even step outside. Especially in a town situated so close to Hogwarts, home to 'the boy who lived'; Harry Potter. I saw several fourth years near Honeydukes with pick n' mix bags of various bright colours clutched in their gloved up hands.

I was nearing the inn, only a few feet away from the porch, when around the corner emerged none other than Draco Malfoy. Fucking great. He looked extremely official in his all black suit that no doubt cost more than _The Three Broomsticks_ itself! In his hand he clutched onto a brown parcel with silver string around it. He hadn't noticed me yet, and thee was a look of some form of emotion on his face. Guilt? Remorse? Victory? Anger? No…it was worry. His face bore one of the most worried expressions I had ever seen. It was a sick kind of worry. A worry that lives depended on.

"Draco?" I called out clamping a hand over my mouth as soon as I had done so. _Shit_! He froze and slowly turned around. I prepared myself to see that smug sneer on his face, to hear those cutting and vindictive remarks that would chill me to the bone. But instead, I was met with that same look of sickening worry. Only this time…it seemed to have intensified immensely.

"Nikki?" He choked out. "What…what are you doing here?"

"School outing," I waved my hand at the fourth years that were still stood outside the infamous sweet shop. "I was actually just about to get a drink, it's freezing."

"Right…a drink." He processed my words. "I have to…I have meet someone." He flicked his eyes to the door, flung it open and disappeared inside the pub. Well _that _was fucking weird! I caught the door just before it caught in the latch and slipped inside.

The pub was cosy, intimate and had a cheery atmosphere. It was full of Hogwarts' students with the occasional local here and there. Professor Slughorn was sat at the bar with a glass of scotch in his hand and I could see the golden trio had set up camp in a far corner. Draco had vanished.

Madam Rosmerta was pulling pints behind the authentic bar, mostly butterbeer as that was the only thing that all the underage wizards could drink. There were no candles, but the reflection from the thick white snow outside let in more than enough light through the large foggy windows. Pansy was sat amidst her loyal followers wearing a tight fitting brown leather, extremely skinny denim jeans and tan high heeled wedged boots. Even _I _had to admit, she looked fantastic. The materials clung to her curves in such a way that any man would be crazy to deny her. I was surprised that Draco hadn't jumped her bones the second he walked through the door. That package in his hand was probably a present for her; skimpy underwear or something. I cringed as a shot of emotional pain rang through me.

"Is it even worth it to ask for a Fire Whiskey?" I asked Madam Rosmerta glumly as I sat down on a barstool.

"I'm afraid not, there are too many witnesses." She smiled and laughed lightly. "But you're a sweetheart for asking, most of the delinquents there at Hogwarts just try to steal it!"

"I'm not a delinquent!" I feigned an offended expression before falling back into my solemn attitude. "I just need an escape." I said it to myself but the land lady heard me and raised one rugged and unwaxed eyebrow.

"Now, whatever would a beautiful young girl such as yourself ever need to escape from?" I stared down miserably at the butterbeer that she had just handed me and remained silent. "A boy, perhaps?"

"Perhaps." I admitted, in barely a whisper.

Madam Rosmerta smiled sympathetically, her blonde curls lifting slightly as she did so. I flinched at her pity. _I_ was not one to be pitied, not _ever_. But then again, what a pitiful mess I had made of myself! I had gone from having a boring life and being perfectly content, to having an out of control chaotic life and being suicidal. Well done, Nikki. You've really done it this time.

~x~

"Nikki! Where the fuck have you been? I've been worried shitless! We've been looking for you for hours!" Daphne's shrill voice was muffled as she pulled me into her arms for a bear hug, my face nestling into the warmth of her hard shoulder blades.

"Chill out, Daph. I just needed some time to myself. I've been…_browsing_."

"You've been fucking _browsing_! It's been three and a half fucking hours!"

"Daph, I'm fine. Seriously I-"

"You know how dangerous it is to be out alone right now. The warnings are in every issue of _The Daily Prophet_! For Merlin's Sake! Anything could have happened. _Anything_!"

"But it _didn't_. I'm sorry I scared you, but I'm perfectly fine and able to handle myself for a few hours." I pulled back and patted her arm in an assuring way and she seemed to grow a tad calmer.

"Okay, but you have to _promise_ that you'll _never_ do that to me again. I was this close" she held up her thumb and her fore finger just to show how close she rally was, "to calling your father!"

"I promise."

"Good. Now that that's sorted, Theo and I were thinking of walking back up to the castle, you in?"

"Sounds great." Daphne beamed and hooked my arm through hers, calling out to Theo as he wandered out of _Spintwitches_; the local sports shop. Theo was Keeper for the Slytherin Quidditch team. Draco was the Seeker.

"Hey, girls! Look what I just got!" He held up a tiny Quaffle. "It's a sort of practice; it tries to get past me and I have to stop it."

"Cool."

"Awesome," I said as Daphne also spoke, neither of us really caring but showing interest all the same. "How much?" I asked even though money was no object to the three of us.

"Seventy Sickles."

We wandered through the streets of Hogsmeade, commenting on various window displays and laughing as we created our own inner jokes. The snow was slippery underneath my feet, and I grew more frantic and concerned as we reached the hill that led up to Hogwarts. I could feel my feet sliding backwards every time I took a single step.

"Guys, I think I'm gonna go back to the carriages. I'd love to walk but I don't think my boots have enough grip." I looked down at Daphne's deep brown leather hiker boots and frowned. Due to the material of my Ugg boots, I could no longer feel my toes.

"Are you sure, because we can go back wi-" Daphne was interrupted by an ear splitting scream that came from just a few metres away. My heart jolted at the sharp interruption and I could hear two sudden gasps coming from my best friends' bodies. I hadn't seen what had caused the high pitched shriek, but as I witnessed Daphne's eyes widening in terror; I knew that whatever it was, it was bad. Slowly turning around, I too let out a painful gasp for what I saw.

Katie Bell, a Gryffindor from the year below, was hovering twenty feet or so in the air, and she was screaming in such a way, that it seemed as though pure evil itself was internally tearing apart her body. Her long dark hair was splayed across the air as though in water and the veins that were visible on her neck and hands were protruding from her skin and had turned a haunting black. Another young girl was also screaming manically at the feet of her friend who was being tortured so horrifically. Three bodies pushed past us in a blur and it took me a second to realise just who they were. _Fucking typical_. The Golden Trio were never too far from trouble and were _always_ available to save the day.

"_Fuck!_" It was almost a whisper as it departed from Theo's lips but I heard it. I turned and saw that his entire was had turned as white as the snow below us and I saw that he was staring intently at something…but surprisingly, _not_ the scene of horror that was taking place directly in front of us. I followed his line of vision. It took me a while to realise exactly _what_ I was staring at but when it did, I instantly felt sick to the core.

There, lying aimlessly upon the freshly trodden snow, lay a beautiful black necklace with various diamonds and beads dangling from the chain. But that wasn't what made me want to vomit. Just a few feet away from the breathtaking necklace, lay the package in which it was wrapped in. The very same package, that Draco had had in his cold pale hands not an hour ago.

~x~

"_Where is he?" _

My shrill voice could be heard throughout _Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop_ , but I didn't care. Blaise and I were the only people in the shop anyway, besides of course the old frail woman who stood behind the counter and I didn't really give a fuck about her.

"Who?" Blaise looked dumbfounded as he looked at me with fear in his eyes, oblivious to the situation.

"Draco! Where the _hell_ is he?" I was yelling, borderline screaming.

"Miss, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't raise your voice in here; you might dishearten the customers." The old bat spoke from behind her shield. I raised one eyebrow and made a show of looking around the empty shop floor.

"Forgive me, do apologise to all your _customers_ on my behalf." I grinned cruelly at the woman before grabbing Blaise by his black _Armani_ scarf and forcing him out of Scrivenshaft's and out onto the cold November street.

As we stepped outside, Blaise's steel grip latched onto my upper arm and pulled me around to face him, my arms releasing his scarf and falling aimlessly to my side as he did so. "Nikki, what's going on?" He was trying to be understanding, but I still violently shrugged his hand off my body and glared at him.

"Like you don't already know. _Where is he?_"

"_I don't know!" _Anger flashed through his large brown eyes and I was stunned for a second as I had never once heard him raise his voice. But then I regained myself and matched his fiery gaze with an intense ice cold stare of my own. I shook my head slowly and regarded him with disgust.

"You're all the same." I sneered before quickly turning on my heel and marching around the nearest corner and out of the angry Italian's gaze.

I couldn't stop thinking about that necklace. If Draco _was_ responsible for the curse that had been placed on the jewellery, he was in a lot deeper than I had suspected. I had known that Draco's family were heavily involved with Lord Voldemort, of course, but I never once guessed that Draco would be doing the Dark Lord's biddings until Theo had let it slip that Draco had been given a task. But _killing_ someone? He was sixteen for fuck's sake! But the fact that Draco would go _that_ far, the thought repulsed me. I needed to see him. I needed to demand what the fuck he thought he was playing at.

But on the other hand, if Draco _had_ cursed the necklace; that would mean that he was _capable_ of hurting innocent people. I had always known that he had a mean streak but I would _never_ have thought that he would be able to _kill_ someone! Even _if_ his family's social standing was in jeopardy.

I had been searching for an hour. Every side street, every ancient shop I had racked through in search of the blonde haired prince held no clue as to his location. Growing tired, I threw myself onto a snow laden bench and held my head in my hands. I hadn't decided on what I would say to him yet, there were no words to measure the anger that was coursing through me at that moment in time. As I looked down at the frozen puddle at my feet I locked eyes with a rather petite girl, her eyes tired and her face flushed with woe. My reflection was merely a shadow of the girl I once was.

I used to be strong. Sure, I was a little shy but who wasn't? I used to be happy and I used to be content. I used to be able to stand up for what was right. Draco Malfoy had well and truly ruined me. My former self was just a memory and now all I had left was this tired, weak little girl. I shook my head to myself and looked up to the dark grey and cloudy sky above me. I hated winter. Autumn was my favourite time of year, but I had wasted that on petty thoughts and miserable incidents.

Maybe I needed a break? Maybe what I needed was to simply take a step back and contemplate the failure that was my life.

I glanced at the village clock tower a few streets away and saw that it was half three. \it was only mid afternoon, yet the streetlamps were shining dimly on the ground and the sky had darkened eerily. But that wasn't exactly out of the ordinary what with the time of year and all. Stupid fucking winter.

The Hogsmeade visit was drawing to a close. The third, fourth and fifth years would have already gone back to the castle whereas the sixth and seventh year pupils were allowed two hours extra. Only half an hour left of that precious time. There was no point in continuing my search now, Draco was most probably back at Hogwarts and it would be easier to find him there. One last stop before I returned to my school.

I turned and headed towards the Shrieking Shack overlook point once again, my favourite place in Hogsmeade. The thick snow squelched under my feet as more came down from the darkened sky above, erasing all evidence of footprints and snow angels created during the day's visit. I should've really been heading back now, the sky and transformed into a starless black and the only light available was that of the streetlights that were dotted around the small village. But I needed to think, and in order to do that I needed to be in a familiar place. Plus, I had never seen the viewing point at night before.

The viewing point was dimly illuminated by one old fashioned street lantern and I found myself grasping my wand tightly in my coat pocket as I neared the iron railings that prevented any onlooker from entering the Shrieking Shack. I smiled to myself, like these rusty old fences could prevent _anyone_ from getting to that decrepit old house; hell, even a _muggle_ would have been able to overcome that minor obstacle. Releasing my wand, I pressed my gloved hands against the rough railing and leaned my body against the cold iron, staring aimlessly into the distance. Through the thick snow and nightfall, I could barely make out the rough outline of the Shrieking Shack.

I inhaled deeply, closing my eyes as I felt the rough sting as the cold air sharply hit the back of my throat. I was better than this. I was stronger than this. I was above this. Before Draco, sure my life may have been dull but at least I could consider myself to be strong minded and independent. The fact that he had deterred me off of my set ways and had created this weak and pathetic being that inhabited my body only made me more bitter towards _myself_ than to him. And consequently, I was indeed right all along. Draco Malfoy _would_ in fact lead me to my death, for I was no longer in a position to defend myself against him. I didn't even know if I could protect myself against _others_!

"You shouldn't _be_ here; not now." His calm yet determined voice interrupted my reverie and I laughed lightly to myself but loud enough so he would hear.

"Why am I not surprised." I turned to face him and saw that he was still dressed impeccably in his all black suit and smart leather shoes.

"The carriages have all gone; Professor McGonagall was informed that you were already back at the Castle." I swallowed quietly. That meant that there was no one else there except me and him. No one was looking for me and I was alone with a potential attempted murderer.

"And just who informed her of that invalid information?" I probed. His pale lips upturned slightly in a smug smile but it did not reach those cool grey eyes.

"We have things to discuss." He stated simply in admittance to my question.

"We could have talked at school."

"Where's the fun in that?" He took a threatening step towards me and I pressed myself further into the cold railing behind me.

"You cursed that necklace didn't you." It wasn't a question or an allegation; it was a stone cold fact.

"I have reason."

"Reason?" I stared bewilderedly at him as he met my gaze. "You had a _reason_ to kill someone? There is _no_ reason! There is no _justification_. What has that girl _ever_ done to you?"

"Nothing, nothing at all." His voice did not waver and remained the same calm and retained tone, but I could see that his eyes were scorched with anger. Good. I needed to get a reaction out of him. "She is merely a pawn in the war that will soon drench the streets. She is the easy route and to complete that route she must be sacrificed."

"No, Draco. She is _not_ an 'easy route'. She is a person. She has a name. She has a family. She has a whole life that is not yours to simply use and dispose of once you are finished."

"Her life will not be in vain. When the Dark Lord takes his rightful seat at the head of the Ministry; order will be restored and all those minor losses will be a part what will make our world once again _great_."

"Well that's just fucking brilliant. That is until one of those _minor_ _losses_ turns out to be your own mother, or one of your friends. Do you really think that Mrs Bell will be happy that her daughter _died_ for something that may or may not happen?"

"The Dark Lord _will_ rise. Make no mistake of that." His voice raised slightly, his anger slipping through his calm façade.

"What if it were me, Draco? What if I was one of those minor losses? Would _I_ be worth it?" My voice was quieter due to fear. I hadn't meant to say it, but my mind had decided to go out on a limb. I didn't _know _that he even valued my life at all let alone cared anything for it. He ripped his eyes from mine and turned to focus on some insignificant object. I could not read the many emotions that were coursing through those amethyst eyes.

"That _wouldn't_ happen."

"How do you know?"

"I would not allow it."

"_You wouldn't allow it_?" Forgetting all my restraints and fears, I pushed myself away from the iron fence and quickly closed the distance between us. Lifting up my right hand, I gently tilted his chin so that he had no option but to look me in the eye. "Draco, I may not be the daughter of a death eater," he flinched slightly at my words "but I do understand enough about this war to know that the Dark Lord's voice speaks louder than any other. Do you really think that if my name was picked out of the hat to die, that you could have _any_ say in the matter?" I let my hand trail to the side of his cold neck and relished in the fact that he wasn't pushing me away.

"I will _not_ let them take you away from me." I shuddered at the finality that was laced in his voice. It was almost as if he would _actually_ stop at nothing to see that I remained by his side.

"I'm not going anywhere."

In a second, his lips were crushed against mine. It was soft and passionate, slow and exciting. I could feel his hands slide up my back and hold me to him, as if he were afraid that I'd disappear at any given moment. I sucked gently on his lower lip and I was rewarded by the feel of his smooth tongue as it snaked into my open mouth and caressed my own. It wasn't a battle, it wasn't a war. It was a moment. A perfect, serene moment that should only occur in fairytales. But this wasn't a fairytale. And that is why after a few moments of undisturbed bliss, I slowly felt reality shake my body back into a sense of normality. It happened at the same time that Draco pulled away.

"No...I can't…I won't…" He closed his eyes and sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Close your eyes." He said finally before grabbing onto my forearm. I did as I was told but I could still feel my body being flung into the air as Draco disapparatedand took me along for the ride. It seemed as though it were over before it had even begun. My knees buckled under the force of being thrust to the earth and I fell to the ground roughly. I grimaced in mental pain when I heard the whooshing noise behind me but I did not turn. Draco had disapparated again to Merlin knows where.

I looked up and saw that I was sat on the path in front of the Hogwarts main gates. At first I was dumbfounded but I then remembered that it was impossible to apparate onto the school grounds. The stone gargoyle to the left of the gates squawked as it recognised me as a pupil and opened the large dead bolt gates permitting me entrance to the school.

~x~

I stumbled through the dark and empty corridors of Hogwarts. It wasn't that late and I could hear the distance sounds of the feast that was taking place in the great hall below, but the swell of hurt and rejection was too great for me to simply join my friends and act as though nothing had happened. My arms were crossed and I hugged my chest as I entered the deserted Slytherin common room. My mind was set. I hadn't even thought about it but her I was, my feet carrying my distant body up the spiral stairs to the girls dormitories.

Slipping into mine and Daphne's room, I didn't even bother to take off my coat or gloves as I made a speedy beeline for the bathroom. I couldn't even remember closing the dorm door behind me. The bathroom was dark and sad and it stayed that way as I kneeled down in front of the toilet. I didn't use any method, I purged. When it was finished, I used the sleeve of my coat to wipe the tears that were racing down my face and attempted to stand up off the tiled floor.

But something was wrong. I could no longer feel my legs, my arms, my _face_. My head felt heavy beyond measure and my vision blurred. I felt my body crash to the ground but felt no pain. The last image I saw was the fuzzy blonde of Daphne's hair as she rushed towards me screaming my name. And then the world went black.

~x~

**What did you think? Major cliff hanger, I know you must hate me. Happy Christmas! I hope you all have lovely holidays. Next chapter will be up after Christmas. I know that Draco is being extremely hot and cold lately but do not worry; all will be revealed in the next chapter. Please REVIEW! I love to hear from you and will always send a comment back to you. **

**Happy Christmas,**

**musicmeanslove**


	9. It Doesn't Feel Like Christmas At All

Chapter 9: It Doesn't Really Feel Like Christmas At All

_Christmas night; another fight_

_Tears we cried a flood_

_Got all kinds of poison in_

_Poison in my blood_

_I took my feet to Oxford Street_

_Trying to right a wrong_

'_Just walk away' those windows say_

_But I can't believe she's gone_

_When you're still waiting for the snow to fall_

_It doesn't really feel like Christmas at all_

_Coldplay – Christmas Lights_

I was a ghost. I was a dream. I was a memory. I was there, but I wasn't there. I could feel, but I was numb. The first time I awoke, my eyelids were too heavy to open, but I could feel and I could hear and I could smell. The nauseating stench of disinfectant and healing concoctions penetrated my nostrils and stung the back of my throat. I was moving; that much I could tell from the sharp air that was running across my body. The itchy stitching of my red duffle coat was still hugging my body, but my hands had been stripped of my gloves and instead I could feel the thin sheets that I was led on.

Something was on my face. It covered my mouth and nose and I could feel some form of gas being pumped against my dry lips. I tried to gasp when something sharp pierced the skin of my left inner wrist but the sound died in my throat when all of this information dawned on me. I was back. I was in St. Mungoes. My worst fears had become truth.

After my mother died, I developed a phobia of sorts against all hospitals in general. It wasn't the never ending corridors or the crazed and overpowering emergency rooms. It was the fact that not everyone who entered the hospital would leave alive. That thought terrified me to the point of no return. So when I was fourteen and was involuntarily forced to stay and this very hospital four two months; it was safe to say that it didn't go down a treat.

"Miss, I need you to tell me the truth." The woman's voice was dazed yet loud; as though she were leaning right over me. "Does Miss Valentine have any known history of Bulimia?"

The other person was quiet for a while before I heard an ear splitting sob.

"Just tell me if she's going to be okay!" Daphne screamed and I winced slightly at the closeness of her hysterical voice. "Oh fuck! Nikki! Nikki!"

"What's happened Miss?"

"She j-just moved…I just s-saw her-"

I groaned loudly as my left eyelid was pulled open almost violently and the illuminated tip of a wand was shone directly into my pupil.

"She's conscious. All right. Nurse Mathews?" The woman shouted and I heard a body run towards my gurney.

"Yes?" Nurse Mathews answered with a sense of urgency.

"We need to pump her; and I'm sure she would be much more compliant if she is not aware of her situation." I heard that perfectly. They were going to force feed me through a stomach pump. Well they could fuck that! I would _not_ go through that _again_! I focused all my energy and began shaking vigorously.

"No…" I tried to shout but it was more of a gentle plea. But I could already feel another sharp pain only this time in my right shoulder.

"Nikki, it's all gonna be okay. I promise. Just…Just hold on." My ears became wet from Daphne's tears as she whispered in my ear and placed a chaste kiss on my forehead. And then I couldn't feel anything.

~x~

The first thing that registered in my mind when I awoke for the second time was that I was not in my duffle coat anymore. I bathed in the silence that surrounded me; well…apart from a stupid beeping. I was no longer moving; I was still and untouched. A slight shift of my wrist told me that I was still attached to a drip. That much I remembered from my last St. Mungoes visit. I wriggled my toes and made the assumption that I was wrapped heavily in a thick duvet. I also took note that there was a large weight pressed against my right leg. Then I chose to open my eyes.

The hospital room was private; thank Merlin! I couldn't imagine _ever_ making this living hell _any_ worse by actually having to _share_ my room with some annoying martyr. I couldn't describe it as nice since it was situated in a hospital, but it was definitely one of the more expensive rooms. The walls were decorated in ivory wallpaper that was decorated with light beige swirls and flowers. The thick carpet matched the beige of the wallpaper and the large window on the west side of the room was French styled and double glazed with floor length chocolate brown curtains.

The bed was pine wood, not railed like the usual hospital beds, and there was a HiFi radio and speaker system in the corner next to a long beige couch. At the foot of the bed were several bouquets of flowers, mostly my favourites (although rare and expensive) white roses. There were also cards and two balloons with 'Get Well Soon' printed upon their shiny surfaces. I smiled. But then the beeping sound grew louder and I turned to my right to see a shit load of scary looking machines that stained the otherwise happy and normal picture.

"N-Nikki?" I turned sharply at the intrusion of my peace and was shocked at what I saw. My father looked tired, with thick black circles surrounding his bloodshot eyes and his suit crumpled and his tie loosened. He was leaning on the right side of my bed which explained the mysterious weight and he looked as though he had just awoken himself.

"Hi Dad." I whispered, afraid as to what his reaction would be like. And in a second; I couldn't breathe. He had flung himself at me and was pressing my body to his in a tight bear hug. It was then that the pain arrived. My father heard my yelp and pulled back immediately and assessing my stomach with his eyes.

"Dad? Don't…don't tell me what they have done to me. I wish to be oblivious." He looked at me solemnly and with tears in his eyes.

"What have you done to _yourself_?" I quickly averted my gaze to the cream ceiling above as my vision began to blur. "I thought we had put this behind us, Nikki? I thought you were better? But this…Nikki…this was so much worse than before. I almost-" His voice broke and he swallowed. "I almost lost you."

I didn't say anything. I didn't see the point. Would I deny it? Would I create some insane excuse? We both knew the truth. I had done this to myself. No matter what story was told that fact would always remain the same. This was _my_ doing. This was my sin. "I…I don't know what started it. It…it just happened." I couldn't tell him the truth. I wasn't ready for that yet. I didn't think I'd ever be ready.

"Well this isn't just another trip to the doctors, Nikki. They've said that you have to stay here for _at least_ a month and will also be legally forced to attend weekly counselling sessions until the prescribed psychiatrist can give you the all clear."

"No!" I pleaded, desperately. "I'm not going to _fucking _counselling!"

"_Don't you dare use that sort of language around me!"_ I was stunned. Sure, I had never said the 'f word' around my father before, but never had he ever shouted at me like that. He took a deep breath before sitting back down and carefully taking my needle clad hand in his. "I'm sorry, Nikki. You know how I hate raising my voice. I know this is all a shock for you and after sixteen years I am well aware of your preference to keep your feelings to yourself…but we do not have a choice in the matter. I have had my lawyers up all night for the past forty eight hours looking for any possible loop holes. I have practically thrown vast amounts of money at respected seniors at this hospital. But this is the _law_. Even we Valentines are not above that."

"I'm sorry, Dad. I'll go." There was nothing left to say. My father exited soon after, apologizing profusely for his need to be at the office. I didn't mind, I was sleepy.

Daphne walked in a few moments later and she also threw herself at me once she saw that I was indeed awake. With her came more flowers and cards from all of her family and even some random people from school. Blaise had sent a hand made card and a dozen beautiful white lilies. He may not have given me roses, but it must have been pretty obvious that my favourite colour was white. After reading all the cards and smelling all the lovely flowers, my heart dropped when it came to light that Draco had not gifted anything.

I registered that Daphne had stopped speaking so I glanced to where she was sat in my father's previous seat to see just what had interrupted her chatty monologue. My eyes widened slightly as I saw that streams of tears ran down my best friend's otherwise pale cheeks and that she was staring intently at the many needles that were sticking into my wrist.

"Daph?" I whispered, hesitantly. Daphne was unlike me on account of the fact that she cried all the time. She once said to me that she couldn't help it and although she looked like a plastic drama queen, she had no idea why she shed a tear for even the simple things such as weddings and birthday parties. She averted her eyes from meeting my gaze and instead quickly wiped her cheeks with her fingertips.

"I _knew_. I knew and I didn't say _anything_." She tilted her head backwards slightly as to prevent any more tears from escaping. "Even before I confronted you, I knew. I just…you'd been doing so well, I…I thought that it would pass. And now look at you!" She gestured at my body with her hand. "It's because of _him_ isn't it?" My heart thrummed against my aching chest.

"What? Daph…Who are y-"

"Don't. Don't deny…" My breathing became erratic and I could hear the beep of the monitor next to me quicken. "I…I heard you." I looked at her in both shock and awe…but she was right, there was no point in denying it.

"When?" I tried to relax my tense body but to no avail.

"The morning after your party when you were both on your bed." I gasped. That morning had been beautiful. We had both shared our emotions with one another and had basked in each other's company. If Daphne had overheard _that_, there was no doubt that she had put the pieces together.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I was shocked, to say the least. I've never even heard _rumours_ that Draco Malfoy ever felt that way about _anyone_, let alone witness it first hand. Plus, at first I thought it was just a dream but then…but then I started _seeing _it."

"Seeing what, exactly?"

"I don't know. Every now and then I would see him down right _staring_ at you. But it wasn't cold or amusement in his eyes…it was more like, well, _fear_."

"Fear?"

"Yes but not as though he was afraid of you, it was more like he was terrified _for_ you. As if he couldn't bare to see you in any form of danger or pain. It was breathtaking." I opened my mouth to question her but she continued. "And after you had fallen asleep the morning after your party, he simply held you and looked at you with what I can only describe as _adoration_. And when he had to leave, he placed one single kiss on your forehead and touched your face as if it were the most precious yet delicate thing in the world."

"But it's been five months since my birthday; you could have at least _hinted_ that you knew." 

"I planned to originally, but then things changed."

"Changed?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"He stopped looking at you. If anything it were as if he was avoiding even a glance in your general direction. And then you started…" she once again gestured to my body with her hand" and I just _knew_ that he had done something to upset you. And that's why I thought that it was just a phase."

She took my hand in hers and looked at me for the first time since she had begun her confession. "I'm so sorry I didn't say anything, Nikki." Tears once again began to pour down her flushed cheeks. "If I had then maybe all this could have been avoided. Merlin, when I found you…I honestly thought that you were dead."

"What happened?" I said suddenly causing her to look at me in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"When you found me, what happened?"

"You mean 'how many people know'?" I nodded. "I summoned Snape."

"_Snape!_" I shouted in disbelief. "You summoned _Snape_!"

"Well what was I _supposed _to do? He _is_ our head of house after all! Actually, he was really cool about the whole thing. He didn't ask what had gone on or anything. He just came, slipped some potion down your throat and called the St. Mungoes' emergency team." She saw my eyes widen. "_Don't worry_, Snape put a charm over you so that nobody could see a thing."

I sighed a breath of relief before taking back my hand from Daphne's desperate clutches and running it through my tousled hair. "Thank you, Daphne. If you hadn't found me, I don't know what could have happened. And I'm sorry for putting you in such a terrible position. You are the best friend I could ever ask for." She smiled weakly.

"So…" Daphne interrupted after a few moments of peaceful silence, "What did he do?"

~x~

In the next few hours, I explained my whole story to Daphne about Draco and his hot and cold emotions. She 'oohed' and 'awwed' when she deemed appropriate and when I told her about the train journey with Pansy she threatened to kill 'that pug faced skank whore'. I asked her if anyone else had visited me and I once again felt empty and cold as she told me that only she, my father, Maria and Theo knew of my condition. I knew that Draco would have known; he always did.

Then it was eight o'clock and visiting hours were over so she had to leave although she begged the night warden to set up a bed for her but to no avail. She left with promises of tomorrow for me and threats of lawsuits for the night hospital staff. I just smiled apologetically at the warden.

When alone, I had closed my eyes and listened intently to my surroundings, the harsh thrum of machines, the occasional coughs or shouts from other patients. Every once in awhile, a commotion would take place beyond my room and I would hear the squeaks of impatient wheels as they carried the new emergency patient to the surgery. After my 'treatment' (I had no idea what they had done to me and as I mentioned to my father, I had no intentions as to finding out), I had been unconscious for four days. And as I heard the casualty fly past my door all I could think was that that was _me_ rushing through the hospital four days ago. I had really fucked up this time.

It was only then, as I led in an expensive private and pre paid for room, that I realised how fucking _stupid_ I had been. Draco and I had kissed what three/four times? And I had almost let him destroy my life. But the fault wasn't on him; he had no idea what the repercussions for his actions would be. I on the other hand knew _exactly_ what I was doing to myself. Draco Malfoy had treated me like I was nothing and not only had I let it happen; I had also punished _myself_ because of it! He had made me feel weak and worthless and I had just sat there and let him. There and then, I made a promise to myself. _I would not be weak anymore_.

~x~

I awoke suddenly in the middle of the night. Upon glancing at the clock on the bed side table, I found that it was twenty one minutes past three o'clock in the morning and I groaned as the feeling of nausea washed over me like it always did when I woke up to early. Grabbing the empty bottle off the table, I swung my legs over the side of the bed and walked over to the ensuite bathroom attached to the room. I flicked the light switch with my little finger and groaned at the sight in the large mirror above the clinically white sink. Dark circles hugged my eyes and my hair looked like a haystack. Luckily, Maria had bought some real pyjamas for my hospital stay as I could not stand the itchy fabric of those horrible gowns. I had on a light blue silk camisole top with matching boy shorts. My feet were bare.

I turned the silver cold water tap and held up the top of the bottle, watching it slowly fill with the cold clear liquid. After turning off the tap and taking a swig from the bottle, I ran a hand through my messy hair, turned the light off and got back into bed. It was only when I had rested my head back against the uncomfortable shape moulding pillow that I noticed the dark figure sat in the arm chair on the opposite side of the room.

"_Fuck_!" I gasped as my heart stopped beating. I turned quickly to switch on the bed side lamp.

"Don't." The figure spoke into the dark silence. "If you turn the light on, they will come and check on you…and I'm not supposed to be here."

"Then why did you come?" I heard Draco shift slightly at my question. It was a while before he spoke.

"Because I had to. Because I needed to."

"I've been here six days, Draco. Obviously you had higher priorities to attend to first….like Pansy for instance." My voice was cold and jagged; all in all I was rather proud of myself.

"Pansy means nothing."

"And I mean what? Something? Anything?" He didn't answer and in that moment I would have given anything to have been able to see his face. "Apparently I don't mean a lot; you didn't even have the decency to leave me a _card_." The dark figure stood up and slowly walked to the table at the foot of my bed. He placed several things o n the table and I had to squint through the darkness to see what they were.

"I was here every day. I disapparated on the night you were admitted and was here before even you were rushed into emergency." As he was saying this he began putting the six bouquets of flowers into glass vases that he conjured. They were all white roses, even though I had never told him they were my favourite. I was stunned; to say the least. He had been there, he had…he had _cared_.

"W-Why…Why d-didn't you…?"

"Well, when they took you in for surgery, your _friend_ saw that I was there and well and truly put me in my place. She said that she knew what was going on between us and that I was to blame for…" He, unlike Daphne, did not gesture to my body. Instead he seemed to pause and concentrate on his words. "Anyway, she said that if I showed up here again that she'd call security. I came anyway, of course, but there was nothing I could do."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"The doctors had been asked to put a spell over your door so that no matter how hard I tried, I could _not_ enter. I must hand it to your friend, the spell was extremely strong and I know that the hospital don't usually do that sort of thing, she must have very good connections."

"Her father's a lawyer."

"That explains it then." He chuckled lightly and I mentally scolded myself for revelling in the sound of his laughter.

"Hang on, if there was a spell put over this room…how are you _here_?"

"Well after five days of throwing every curse and jinx imaginable at that door and being 'escorted' off the premises almost each and every hour, I finally realised the obvious." His face was still overcast in shadow, but I knew that there was a smug grin placed on his handsome face.

"And that is?"

"The hospital's spell made it impossible to step within five feet…of the _door._" Realisation dawned on me and I found myself reaching behind, picking up one of the pillows that supported my back and hurling it at him.

"You _idiot_!" He dodged to the right and narrowly avoided the flying pillow. "_Anything_ could have happened! And what if you were _seen_! Daphne's father has probably got an arrest warrant _ready_ just in case you 'trespass'!

"I had to see you." He stated as if it were the most detailed explanation in the world. "I _needed _to see for myself that you were okay."

"Why?" I needed to know what he felt for me. "And don't give me the whole '_because you're mine_' speech because I really can't be fucked with mind games."

He moved around my bed until he was as close to me as possible with out climbing on the mattress. I looked up at him as he took both his hands and framed them around my face, his touch sending small tingles through all of my nervous system. He gazed into my eyes as if it were impossible that I did not know the answer, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Why? Two years ago I was looking for a certain book in the library when I overheard two girls talking. One I instantly recognized to be the voice of a Miss Daphne Greengrass, a chatty but good hearted girl in my year. But the other voice, I had no recollection of ever hearing. The two girls were talking about the Christmas holidays and how the girl I did not know was having to stay in school over the holidays due to her father's hectic work schedule. Daphne invited the girl to spend Christmas with her, but the girl declined saying that her father had already contacted the school.

"I knew however, that these situations could easily be rectified and when the girls fell silent and apparently left, I became intrigued by this unusual girl and was willing to do _anything_ to find out why she was _really_ staying at Hogwarts for Christmas." I remembered the conversation with Daphne as if it were yesterday. "But I didn't even get a _look_ at the girl, never mind know her _name_.

"But then, three days later in Potions, Snape asked a question to a Miss Nikki Valentine and when she answered, I instantly recognised her voice. I looked to where she was sat and was instantly _oblivious_ to anything and everything else in the world." He leaned down and brushed a loose strand of my hair behind my ear. "You were as beautiful to me then…as you are to me now." He whispered and the butterflies in my stomach fluttered their wings tremendously fast and I found myself leaning upwards to touch my lips onto his. But I pulled back.

"But then…what happened after my party? You were so distant…and then with _Pansy_? What happened?" He stood back up and sat on the chair next to my bed where Daphne and my father had previously sat.

"I had already been given a…task. You don't understand, Nikki. _Everything_ depends on me doing this right. The night after your party, Snape came to the manor. He had seen us on the terrace the night before and had put two and two together. He explained that if…_he_ knew about you, that he would take you from me and would torture you just to ensure that I was loyal…and to make even the _thought_ of failing unbearable."

I didn't ask who he was talking about; he knew that I knew _exactly_ who '_he' _was. I wasn't going to insult his intelligence by playing dumb.

"But Nikki, I promise you…I _never_ for one second thought that the consequences of my actions would be so _dire_! When Snape told me that you had collapsed it was as if the earth gave way beneath my feet. I _had _to be there for you. And then your friend screamed at me and I knew that her words were true…that _I_ was the cause of your suffering. I am ashamed to say that after having security throw me out of the hospital, I went home and drank almost every bottle of liquor that I could find, and when I was done with that, I went into the study and smashed the place up. My mother found me in the morning after I had passed out in the kitchen." He smiled in amusement at the memory but it did not reach his eyes.

"Draco, I don't want you to blame yourself. You didn't _force _me to do anything. I did this to myself. Sure, at the time I blamed you. But that was just an excuse. The truth is that _this _has been a long time coming. I haven't been eating correctly since before summer. This is just one of my many demons." He stood up and ran a hand through his strangely unruly platinum hair.

"But I ignited the spark! I was the cause of-"

I couldn't listen to his misplaced guilt any longer. I leaned forward and grabbed his smooth black tie, pulling him towards me. I crushed my lips against his and snaked my hands up to the back of his neck. His own hands were tangled in my hair and a soft moan burst from my mouth when his tongue left a wet trail across my lower lip. I opened my mouth willingly and relished in the feel of his tongue battling against my own. After a while of bliss, we both drew back for air. He gently pressed his forehead against my own and closed his eyes.

"Can you ever forgive me?" He whispered and I sensed desperation laced in his words.

"There's nothing to forgive." I didn't even need to think, the words came instantaneously. His mouth came crashing against mine not a second after the words had left my mouth and I found myself being lowered gradually until my head was pressed firmly against the one remaining pillow. His whole body was balanced across mine and I loved the feel of his weight resting on me. His erection was evident through his pants and I shivered with pleasure as his left hand brushed across my breast. But then, the pain came.

"Ah!" I gasped and Draco was off me in an instant.

"What's wrong? Should I get someone?" He was panicking as he speed walked to the door.

"Draco!" He turned, worry splashed across his face. "I'm fine. It's just a little uncomfortable when I move too much or put weight on it." The muscles in his face were still tense, but he walked back to me. I outstretched my arms and once again pulled him to me. "Will you stay with me?"

"I'm not going anywhere." He went to sit back down on the chair but halted when he saw that my brow was creased in disagreement.

"Come here." I lifted the quilt up and shifted to one side of the bed. He smiled and started towards the bed but paused.

"Are you sure it won't hurt you?" He examined my bodily damages hesitantly.

"I'm fine. _Really_. Now, I'm not going to ask again." I sighed comfortably as he sunk down on the mattress next to me after removing his shoes. "That's better." I smiled sleepily up at him and he reciprocated by brushing another strand of hair out of my face and gently caressing the side of my face with the back of his hand. He lifted his arm and I repositioned my head so it was resting on the crook of his neck. It amazed me how perfectly we fit together, as if we were two parts of a locket or one piece of parchment that had been ripped in half. I threw my left leg over his so that we were intertwined. He tilted my head up with his fore finger and thumb and then drew his head closer so that he was able to place one simple chaste kiss on my lips.

"Sleep now, Nikki." He whispered like the time we spent our first night together. And just like then, I did.

~x~

**What did you think? I hope you all had lovely Christmases! Next chapter; Nikki and Draco try to make things work and a secret is revealed when an unexpected visitor turns up at the hospital. **

**PLEASE REVIEW! **

**I love hearing from you. You all give me so much inspiration. **

**Happy 2011, **

**musicmeanslove**


	10. Hide Your Heart Anywhere From Me

Chapter Ten: Hide Your Heart Anywhere From Me

_Just hide your heart anywhere_

_Please hide your heart anywhere from me_

'_Because I'm just not ready for_

_No, I'm just not ready for all this_

_Oh the nights are so cold, not breathing you in_

_But there's blood on the streets and it's darker than sin_

_I don't know where I am going_

_I don't want to know anyway_

_I just need you here_

_Because you are my sundown_

_Charlie Simpson – Sundown _

"You do know...if you ever want these sessions to come to an end, you're going to have to talk to me."

Her name was Sylvia Blackthorn. She was the resident Psychiatrist at St. Mungoes Hospital. She was a damn pain in the neck. I was currently sat on a large mahogany sofa in a room with book shelves on every wall and diplomas/awards decorating what little wall space was left untouched. _Doctor_ Blackthorn was seated opposite me on a plush looking arm chair which matched the mahogany of the sofa perfectly. Everything in the office was perfect. It was like a show room. Fake white lilies were held in a blue ornate vase on the desk behind the armchair and all the papers on the desk surface were stacked squarely in lines. There were also several quills on the desk that were lined next to each other, each and every one were the exact same distance apart. _Sylvia_ was the one who needed fucking counselling!

"Yes, but I also know that when my father reaches a price high enough, you'll soon sign that little scrap of parchment that proves I am completely recovered from my little _habit_." I smiled maliciously at her. This was my third session with Dr. Blackthorn and she had yet to pry a single confession from my mouth.

"Nikkia," I gave her a dirty look as she spoke my full name, "has it ever occurred to you that maybe I _want_ to help you? That maybe I am interested in your personal welfare and nothing else?"

"_Please_," I scoffed, "you're _paid_ to be 'interested in my welfare'. What I do with _my_ life doesn't affect you in the slightest. As long as your mediocre pay check clears at the end of each month, you don't care if I live or die." I sneered at her, coldy. "But I don't blame you for that."

"You don't?" She raised one of her perfectly waxed eyebrows and raised her powdered chin slightly in question.

"No, I don't. Because, you see, _I _wouldn't care either. In fact I _don't_ care. I see people suffering almost every day on the streets or even just on the bland pages of _The Daily Prophet_ and it doesn't bother me whatsoever."

"Why doesn't it bother you, Nikkia?" There she went, using my full name again. If she was interested in my well being at all, she would have noticed that everyone called me Nikki.

"Because, Sylvia," I spoke her name with evident distaste "it is one of my strongest beliefs that people create their own misery. They are unsatisfied with their own dull and mundane lives that they see it necessary to take their lives and turn them into nightmares just simply in the hope that time will go by a little bit faster."

"Is that why you make yourself sick?" She was blunt and didn't dance around the issue like everyone else did. I respected her for that. She saw my small smile and we shared a look of understanding. A glance that told me that we were on the same page.

"Something like that, yes." In all of these three sessions, Draco's name had _never_ been mentioned. She didn't need to know about him. "But my _strictest_ belief is that _talking_ to others about your own issues does not solve anything, nor does it relieve any of the burden issued by your problems."

"That's a lonely way to live if you really trust that theory."

"Don't _pity_ me!" I snapped when I heard the charity laced in her practised voice e. "You don't _know_ me! You don't know what goes on in my life! All you know is what you are told in a little file kept in that cabinet." I pointed to the grey filing cabinet behind her desk.

"There is a difference between showing compassion and showing pity, Nikkia." She didn't even flinch at my raised voice.

"Maybe so, but _sympathy_ walks hand in hand with 'compassion'. Plus, compassion leads to charity and I am perfectly capable of handling my own problems all by myself."

"Clearly. That's why you've been in hospital for the past twenty days." Her tone wasn't vindictive like her words. But I realised that she wasn't _trying_ to get to me, she was just trying to make me _understand_. Well fuck her.

"How old are you, Dr. Blackthorn? If you don't mind my intrusion?"

"I am thirty six years old."

"Married?"

"Divorced."

"Any children?"

"One daughter."

I smiled at the results of my inquisition. Bringing Sylvia Blackthorn down was going to be easier than I expected.

"Why did he leave you?"

"How did you know he lef-" She tried to cover up but I wasn't finished yet.

"Was it because of your obsessive compulsive disorder?"

She gasped. I had hit her hard. _Good_.

"I don't have a-"

"Oh, so you're _not_ a perfectionist who needs everything to be exactly in place?"

"I'm just tidy!" Her eyes had become misty. I revelled in her discomfort.

"Tidy? Is that why all those quills on your desk are sharpened to _exactly_ the same size? Why they are _exactly_ two inches away from each other? Why you've readjusted you chair _five times_ during this meeting just so it is level with the side table?"

Her eyes widened and her whole body was quivering. I chuckled viciously at her and held her gaze. Since I had first met Sylvia Blackthorn, I had been gathering information on her. I hadn't run background checks or anything amateurish like that. Instead, I had noticed everything in her office. I had watched how she acted, how she pursed her lips whenever I moved the ornamental marble bowl that was placed on the coffee table. This third session had been the perfect time to strike. As soon as I had stepped foot in her office not half an hour earlier, I had sensed that she was upset over something that had happened to her recently. She was vulnerable.

"But it _is_ why your daughter won't come near you, isn't it?"

"What? My daughter speaks to me regularly, I'll have you know!" She desperately lied.

"Oh really? Then why are there no photographs of her _anywhere _in this office?"

I had got her. She was stunned into silence and a single pathetic tear had escaped from her dark brown eyes and was travelling down her cheek, leaving a light trail behind it where it had cut through her make-up. I just smiled sweetly at her victoriously.

"I think our sessions have come to an end, don't you?" She remained silent as I stood up from the sofa. "Well, I believe it's time for me to take my leave. I expect to be told tomorrow at the latest that my psychiatrist as given me the 'all clear'. Good day, Dr. Blackthorn." I opened the oak door that fronted her office but turned just before I was about to leave. The woman was sat like a stone, staring up at me with _fear_ in her eyes. I smiled at my accomplishment. "It's been a pleasure." I added for one final blow before turning and leaving Sylvia Blackthorn's office for the last time."

~x~

His lips were warm and his body was heated as it leaned against my own. He moaned and I almost died from ecstasy at the sound. It felt _incredible_ to know that _I_ was the one who was making him create those beautiful noises. My hands were tangled in his soft platinum hair and my body arched as his hands roamed my body, finding sensitive spots I didn't even know existed and touching them mercilessly. His tongue snaked its way into my mouth and he _growled_ as I bit down on it playfully.

"Nikkia Valentine, you will be the death of me one day." He whispered between kisses. When I needed to breathe, he travelled down my neck and sucked lightly on the hollow of my throat. It was now _my_ turn to moan loudly at the intense pleasure he was creating in me with his mouth.

"Probably," I whispered back when he had travelled back up to recapture my lips "but not today."

This was how I spent my nights here at St. Mungoes Hospital. Draco would arrive promptly one minute past nine at night, precisely one minute after the nurse would do her final checkups. We would talk about _everything_, kiss until we could no longer function and I would fall asleep in his arms. I had been at the hospital for almost three weeks now and apart from the first six days when he had been _incapable_ of entering my room, Draco had been there every single night.

No one knew of our nightly rendezvous. It was our little secret. I didn't want anyone to know because I knew I wouldn't be able to handle all the probing questions and all the commotion that came with being with the likes of 'The Slytherin Prince' and Draco wanted it kept to ourselves because he didn't want me to be used against him in the war that was raging through the wizarding world.

I had never asked him about the 'task' given to him by the Dark Lord himself. All I knew was that it was near impossible and that every now and then, Draco would be distant and slightly agitated and I knew that he had reached an obstacle in his plans. But still I did not question is antics. I knew that when he was ready to tell me, he would do so.

But that didn't mean we had told each other absolutely _everything_. Draco was very much like me in the sense that he wasn't one for talking about his feelings or problems. We had told each other what was going on in our lives, but we rarely spoke of our emotions on the subjects. It just wasn't us. But I was a hypocrite. I _wanted_ to know what he was _really_ feeling, even though I wasn't willing to tell him.

"You would have been proud of me today," I smiled after our kiss had ended and we both relaxed against the hospital bed, his arm wrapped securely around my shoulders.

"And why's that?" He replied, his fingers dancing lightly across the skin of my arm.

"I broke Dr. Blackthorn." My smile was triumphant.

"You 'broke' your psychiatrist?"

"Indeed, I did. It was easy actually. I even made her cry." He smirked when he saw my evident glee.

"And has she signed your general health form?"

"She will. I told her I expected to be told the news by tomorrow at the latest. You should have seen her, it was very amusing to watch her crumple and fall after three sessions of her trying to 'penetrate the walls I have built around my mind'." I quoted one of Sylvia Blackthorn's notes and giggled.

"You did well to break her, she wouldn't even except _my _money." He played with a loose strand of my hair.

"_You _offered her money?" I turned to him, questioning written all over my face.

"Seeing her made you unhappy. I had to do my best to stop the sessions." He said it simply, ignoring my locked jaw altogether.

"I don't need you to fight my battles for me, Draco." I sighed.

"You've proven that. Like I said, she wouldn't accept the money."

"That's not the point!" I was starting to get annoyed and the proof was in my voice.

"Nikki, I'm not going to stop doing everything in my power to make you happy! That's the end of it."

"Why? Because you said it's the end of it?"

"Exactly." I was now officially furious.

"We've _talked_ about this, Draco! You are not and never will be the _boss_ of me!" I shrugged his arm off my shoulders and stood up out of my bed.

"I am trying to _help_ you! You don't want my _help_?" Draco was also angry and he too had gotten up from his position on the bed. We now stood on either side of the mattress, staring each other down with fury in our eyes.

"Not when it's something I am perfectly capable of doing _myself_! When are you going to get it into that ego driven head of yours; I'm _not_ your property!"

"Yes you _are!"_ He was seething. "You are _mine_, Nikkia Isabella Millie Valentine and the sooner you come to terms with that the easier it will be for the both of us." He spoke with an air of finality, but I was not finished yet.

"I'm not _yours _and I never will be! If I had tried to pay off _your_ psychiatrist, how would _you_ feel?"

"That would never happen because I would never be as stupid as you! I would never abuse my body the way you did!"

I was stunned into silence. _Never_ before had he used my 'disorder' against me. _Never._ He knew that my illness was a subject I never liked to talk about. He knew it was something that I was greatly ashamed of. He knew it was something he should _never_ use to try and get back at me. But then again, he _was_ Draco Malfoy.

"Get out." I half whispered but the command rang through the room.

"_Gladly_. I don't want to be around you if you're going to act like a spoilt child."

"You're a bastard." I glared at him.

"And you're a bitch. It looks like we're a match made in _fucking_ heaven." He walked around the bed to the armchair where his black suit jacket and his _Firebolt_ broomstick lay.

"I am _nothing_ like you." I put as much venom in my words as humanly possible. When I spoke those words, he dropped his jacket back on the armchair and turned to face me. The smirk on his angelic features made him look so beautifully evil. He closed the distance between us and turned my body around so I was facing the full length mirror on the bathroom door. He was stood so closely behind me that I could feel his breath on my shoulder as we both studied my reflection.

"Do you really not see it, Nikkia?" He moved my long blonde hair over my shoulder and slid his hand up the side of my now bare neck, his fingers sending shivers through my body much to my dismay. I hated how a single touch of his could turn me into a hormone crazed, jelly legged creature. "You're my equal; my match. You are seductive, manipulative and lethal. You could have the world at your fingertips if you only _accepted_ what you are."

"No," I protested weakly. "You're vicious."

"You're vindictive." He shot back at me, but coming from him it sounded like a compliment.

"You're cruel."

"You're hostile."

I turned to face him and his arms locked around my waist, trapping me against his stone chest. I wasn't complaining. We were so close as I looked up into his amethyst eyes. When I spoke, my lips brushed ever so slightly against his.

"You're treacherous."

"You're merciless."

He had hardly even finished his words when he crashed his lips onto mine. We clutched at each other, trying to get as close as possible. My hands tugged at his hair and his arms folded around my body, crushing me to him. Our kisses were heated and rushed, as if we were _desperate_ for each other. As if we hadn't seen each other in years. The spark that we shared ignited in a flame of lust and passion as he lifted my body and I wrapped my legs around his waist. My back hit the mirrored door as his tongue entwined with my own.

He broke the kiss abruptly but did not release me or let me down from his waist. Instead, he held my face in his hands and looked me directly in my eyes which were now level with his due to our position. Our breaths came out in short pants as we stared at each other lustfully.

"You're evil." He placed a single heated kiss on my lips before returning to hold my gaze. "And you're beautiful."

~x~

The next day, I was sat on my hospital bed thinking about the previous night's events when three faint knocks on the open door to my private room shook me from my reverie. I smiled when I glanced at the doorway and saw Anthony McArthur stood in the frame. My smile grew even brighter when I saw the two objects that he had brought with him. The first was a bouquet of perfect red roses, my second favourite flowers. The second was the Taylor guitar he had seen me playing in the summer when I had been working at the studio.

"I thought you might be missing music," he grinned and held up the guitar. In less than three seconds I had jumped up from the bed, ran over to him and wrapped my arms tightly around his neck.

"Thank you so much!" I whispered through our hug, even though my face was pressed tightly against his chest. "You have no idea how much I've missed playing one of these!" I stated as I pulled back from our embrace and he handed me the flowers and the guitar.

"You're welcome; I know how much it means to you." I moved back to my position on the bed and Anthony sat down on the armchair. "So how are you feeling?"

The McArthur's and everyone else in the wizarding society were all under the impression that I was in recovery from a terrible flu virus. I felt horrid for lying to Anthony but I didn't want him to know about my little 'habit'. I didn't want _anyone_ to know.

"Much better, thank you. I'm allowed to go home in two days."

"That's great! Merlin! I haven't seen you since..." he paused as he traced through his memories "since your birthday party!"

"I know, it's been too long." As I spoke, I placed the roses in an empty vase on the table at the foot of my bed. "Thanks for the flowers as well, I love roses."

"I know, I remember when I first started at _June_, you'd always _insist_ that your father planted roses in the courtyard."

"How's it been at the studio?" I asked, realising only then just how much I had missed my father's record label.

"It's been great. We've just signed a new band called _The Silent Portrait_. They're really good. A couple of their songs need a bit of work, but that's what my job is so..."

"Awesome, what kind of music do they play?"

"It's like a mix between metal and Indie. They're unique, that's for sure."

"Cool, I can't wait to meet them."

"They can't wait to meet _you_. I've told them all about you, how you're the best at what you do."

"Pfft, hardly"

"Don't be modest. When you take over _June Studios_, the world of music isn't going to know what hit it."

"_If_ I take over _June Studios_, _If._"

"Well either way, I think you're name will be remembered forever...and not just because of your Dad."

"Thanks, Anthony."

"Anytime," He smiled and flicked his dark brown hair out of his blue eyes. There was a time when I believed he was the most beautiful man on earth. But that was before I met Draco Malfoy. It amazed me how much that blonde boy had changed me. Whether it was a change for the better, I still did not know.

It was at that moment that a rude and interrupting cough came from the doorway. I turned and saw a woman who looked to be in her early to mid forties. She had long hair that was as black as charcoal and had been pulled up into a high pony tail. Her eyes were an amber-ish sort of colour that shone in the light and almost made her look kind. I could tell instantly who she was...and I was _not_ happy about it.

"I guess I'll be off, Nikki. I'll speak to you later." Anthony stood up uneasily and walked to the door where the woman was standing.

"Thanks for everything, Anthony. It was great to see you." He sent me a quick smile before hurriedly leaving my room. I then turned to my unexpected visitor.

"She couldn't just sign the damn form, could she?"

"If you are referring to Dr. Blackthorn? Then no; she could not just 'sign the damn form' as you so colourfully put it. It would have been against her duty as a psychiatrist and she could have faced severe charges and termination of employment." Her voice was poised and practised. I hated her.

"You say that like you expect it to mean something to me?"

"Does it not?"

"Why don't you tell me? I'm sure that you've seen the surveillance footage from my last encounter with Dr. Blackthorn."

"Indeed I have, Nikkia." I would have rolled my eyes when she spoke my full name had I not been so intent on staring her down. "And I must say, you should be training to be a psychiatrist with that perceptive and insightful mind of yours."

"I'll look into it. But I'd have enough class to go into private practice, where all the _real_ psychiatrists work."

"I think you'll find it takes more than a few spiteful comments to disarm me, Ms. Valentine." She held my gaze and I smirked, she had no idea what was coming for her. "Now, the reason I am here is to inform you of our new arrangement." I raised one eyebrow. "My name is Dr. Caroline Moss. I am the leading psychiatrist here at St. Mungoes Hospital and due to the events that occurred with Dr. Blackthorn, I will be taking over your weekly therapy sessions."

"I leave in two days; do you honestly believe that I'll turn up after that?" I scoffed.

"Yes, Nikkia, I do. Because, you see, your therapy sessions have been issued by the law due to your condition. Therefore, if you fail to attend even _one_ of these sessions, an arrest warrent can be called for immediately for you father due to his failure to comply with the wizarding law." I stayed quiet for a second and it was her turn to smirk. She had got me and she knew it.

"Urgh! _Fine._..But, hang on...I go back to school in two weeks, what happens then? I can't exactly pop on the train and nip back down to London every week, can I? Especially not with the current position that the wizarding society is in?" I referred to the raging war that Lord Voldemort had begun.

"When you return to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, I will personally apparate to the school every Monday evening. Professor Snape has already made the arrangements for what room we should use and then we will continue with your sessions."

"Great, that sounds like a jolly hoot and a half." I said cynically. "So when's the first session?"

"Tomorrow. Eleven o'clock, sharp." And then, with a wave of her wand, she was gone.

Bitch.

~x~

"It's just a little hour once a week, I'm sure you can handle that." I smacked Draco's shoulder but to no avail. If anything, his stone muscles did more damage to _my_ hand.

"That's not the point, Draco! She's going to try and make me _talk_ about...stuff. And I'm not willing to do that!" I was pacing back and forth in the small space that my hospital room provided for me. Draco was lounging on the bed, looking nonchalant whilst he let his fingers play with the tip of his black skinny tie.

"Just make stuff up."

"What do you mean?" I sat down on the end of the bed by his feet.

"What I _mean_..." He sat up on pushed a pillow behind his back for comfort "is that you may be forced to _talk_ to her, but you don't have to tell the _truth_. Just be as creative as possible and the silly woman will be none the wiser." I furrowed my brow whilst I considered it.

"Why Draco, I do believe that you may have just come up with a plausible solution to my dilemma."

"I don't work for free; you have a debt to pay." He grinned, devilishly.

"Oh really?" I stood up, "Well, let me just get my purse and-" I didn't even get to finish my sentence before I had been pulled back sharply onto the mattress and pinned down by his weight.

"Not that kind of payment." He murmured whilst staring into my eyes. He was so incredibly _sexy_ right there and then that it took all of my power not to just jump his bones.

"I don't understand." I played innocent whilst slowly and seductively trailing my fingertips across the top of my cleavage. "Perhaps...you could show me?"

"Gladly," he whispered huskily before crushing his lips against my own. I matched his hungry passion equally as I wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders and pressed him against my body. I wrapped my legs around his waist increasing the electric heat between us and he growled. I _loved_ it when he did that. I nibbled on his lower lip, an act that I had learned drove him crazy and it did as was expected. It was my turn to moan when his hands began kneading my breasts. I moved down to kiss and suck at his collar bone when suddenly, he went rigid.

"Draco? What's wrong?" I pulled back and held his face in my hands. "Draco?"

"When were you going to tell me that the McArthur boy had visited you?" He said, venom seething through his words. My brow furrowed in confusion. Was he _really_ that jealous over someone simply paying me a visit?

"_A. _'boy'? He's older than you, Draco. And B, I didn't know I _had_ to tell you every little insignificant thing that happened in my life." Draco stood up and began pacing the room angrily as I had been doing not twelve minutes prior. I groaned in frustration and sat up. "What, Draco? So I'm not allowed to even speak to _any_ other male except you now?"

"Don't be silly!" He scolded me as though I were a child. "But that McArthur, the way he looks at you: The way he _talks_ about you. You didn't hear what he said at your birthday party, Nikki."

"What? Anthony?" I was confused. Had I misjudged Anthony McArthur? Was he saying things behind my back?

"Yes, _Anthony_. He was telling his mother dearest about how he felt you and he had always had a 'connection', and how he really thought that you were 'the one'! Well, you're not 'the one' for him, Nikki. You're _mine_."

We stared at each other for about a minute, his anger and my frustration hanging heavy in the air. Then, out of the blue, in the middle of the argument, I erupted into fits of laughter. I couldn't stop, even when I saw Draco's face turn white with anger.

"What's so funny?" He spat which only caused to increase my amusement. "_Nikkia!_" He shouted frustration in his voice as he grabbed my shoulders. "Stop it!"

I couldn't even if I tried. I was sat on the bed, shaking with laughter in his arms. When I looked back into his eyes, I saw a hint of a smile on his face. "Nikki, stop it." He said it again but his tone had softened and I swear I could hear a light chuckle coming from his throat. "I really was being stupid, wasn't I?" He asked and I knew he had realised how ridiculous he had sounded.

I closed my eyes for a mere second, and when I opened them I saw the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on. Draco hadn't moved one inch, but his face had _lit up_/ Draco Malfoy was _smiling_. An ear to ear grin which spread across his whole face and rang true in his eyes. It was incredible; it was breathtaking. I had to blink a few times just to make sure the smile was real.

Leaning forward, he placed a long kiss on my forehead. "You truly are a marvel, Nikkia Isabella Millie Valentine." When he pulled back, the smile was gone, but his eyes were still shining with happiness.

I knew that I had fallen in love with Draco Malfoy then and there.

~x~

The next day, I was ecstatic. I was allowed home the day after and I could barely keep still with excitement. My mahogany leather trunk was currently sat atop my hospital bed and I was filling it with my folded clothes and anything else that had been with me at St. Mungoes. The night before had been the last hospital night with Draco since Daphne had convinced the nurses to let her sleepover on my last night in the ward. It would be fun; I hadn't had a girly night in with Daph for _ages_. And I was seeing Draco tomorrow anyway; we were meeting in Kensington Gardens at night for a few hours.

"I'm glad to see you are well again, Miss Valentine."

I froze. Now _that_ was a voice I had not been expecting to hear anytime soon. Maybe in a few weeks when I returned to Hogwarts...but not _here_ at St. Mungoes. What the hell was _he_ doing here?

"Professor Snape?" I turned around and smiled an obviously confused smile.

"Good afternoon, Nikkia." My head of house was stood in the doorframe, dresses head to toe in black as per usual.

"Please, come in," I gestured for him to enter my room and he did so. He did not sit, but he stood just in front of the arm chair and stared at his new surroundings. "What can I do for you, Professor?" I said politely. He was still my teacher, after all. He stopped his observation of the room and met my gaze, his eyes as black as his hair.

"I have an important matter to discuss with you, Miss Valentine. If you would please be so kind as to shut the door? The topic of my conversation is not one which should be overheard by innocent by passers."

"Of course, Professor." I did as I was told and closed the pine wood door to my room. When I turned back to my bed, Snape had still not sat down. I was given the impression that he wasn't going to. Whatever he had to say, he was going to be straight to the point and blunt. I respected him greatly for that.

"Excuse me if I don't bother with chit chat, Miss Valentine. It's just that this is a very urgent matter which needs to be resolved as quickly as possible." He proved my point in one quick statement. "Now, I am sure you Draco has informed you of my awareness of your..._involvement_ with each other?"

"He has."

"Good. But I must tell you this. Draco must _never_ know of the conversation I am about to engage you in. Is that understood?"

I paused. "If it is Draco's best interests that he is left oblivious then yes, I will keep this between you and I."

"I knew you could be trusted. And I also know how deeply Draco cares for you, even if he hasn't yet realised it himself. I am aware that he has visited you every night for the past few weeks but that is not the only proof I have for his _attachment_. I have witnessed myself the way Draco looks at you and I have also seen the way he acts around you. You may not have noticed it, but Draco lets a certain...guard down when he's around you.

"I'm not going to insult your intelligence by pretending you don't know of Draco's work for the dark lord." He started but I interrupted.

"I don't know _everything_. I know he has a task but I don't know what it is."

"That's probably for the best. But either way, if the dark lord were to discover your power over Draco, I am not afraid to say that he would not think twice about using you as a means to..._encourage_ Draco."

"Draco has said something like that to me once before." I remembered. "But why are _you_ telling me this? Shouldn't you be telling this to Draco?"

"Because, Miss Valentine, that is _not_ the reason for which I am speaking with you now."

"It's not?" I was even more so confused.

"No, it's not. The reason I am talking with you today is because of my increasing worry for _Draco_. You see, if Draco fails in succession of this task, his life will be his punishment." My eyes widened and my chest hurt. The thought alone was too painful to even imagine. I could tell that Snape had noticed my reaction to his words, but he carried on as if he had not. "And as of late, Draco's mind has been unfocused on the task at hand."

It was then that I knew why Professor Snape had come to my hospital room. His words suddenly made perfect sense. And he was right. Draco's mind had been focused elsewhere...focused on me.

"He's falling behind with the task...because of me." It wasn't a question because if it was I would already know the answer.

"You're perceptive, Nikkia. I can understand why Draco thinks of you so highly." He smiled a small polite smile. "Do not misinterpret what I am saying, Nikkia. I am not _forcing_ you to do anything. I am simply informing you of what Draco has not."

And with that, he walked to the door, pulled it open and passed through it as abruptly as he came. And I was left, stood mouth agape in my hospital room, knowing what I had to do and feeling heartbroken over it.

~x~

**Sorry it took me SO LONG to update; I've been going through my High School exams and so I haven't really had time to write. **

**Please REVIEW as I love hearing from you and I love hearing your ideas.**

**You are my inspiration,**

**Love,**

**Musicmeanslove.**


	11. All These Things I've Done

Chapter Eleven: All These Things I've Done

_It's dark in a cold December_

_But I've got you to keep me warm_

_If you're broken, I will mend you_

_And I'll keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on_

_I'm out of touch, I'm out of love_

_I'll pick you up when you're getting down_

_And out of all these things I've done_

_I think I love you better now_

_Ed Sheeran – Lego House_

'_Draco, this isn't easy to say but...'_

'_Draco, you mean everything to me but...'_

'_I love you...'_

'Shit.'

I gave up and ran a hand through my loose hair. Merlin, this was going to be difficult. I had been stood in front of my floor length bedroom mirror for what felt like hours, trying and failing miserably as I attempted to find a way to do what I absolutely had to do. Find a way to break my own heart.

I wished there was another way. I prayed that a miracle would occur. But to no avail. There were two crystal clear options: leave Draco and make sure he succeeds in his task...or stay with Draco and watch him die a horrific death. And I _couldn't_ be the reason that Draco's focus was off. I _wouldn't_ cause the man I loved to die. The 'what if's' and 'maybe's' were indefinite. But I couldn't take any chances. Draco _would_ survive. That was the bold and underlined bottom line.

I hadn't seen Draco face to face since I had been released from St. Mungoes. On the last night of my stay at the hospital, I had written to Draco and informed him of my complete over-tiredness and of my wish for him to wait until I was released before seeing me again. That was four days ago, and since then I had been throwing every excuse in the book at him. He had asked to see me every day and every day I had created stories which grew in elaboration each time they were told. I just had no _idea_ what to say to him...or rather, _how_ to say it.

There were three remaining days in my calendar until I returned to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. And I planned on using that time wisely in order to prepare some form of speech which would make this whole thing easier. But even _I_ knew that nothing could ever possibly soften the blow I had no choice but to deliver.

I sighed, still staring at my weary reflection, before turning on my heel and making my way to my walk-in-wardrobe to choose my attire for the day. I eventually settled on a pair of ripped and faded light blue skinny jeans, a white low neck line vest top and a khaki green Parka coat. My feet were wrapped in their usual black Converse All Stars. I moved onto my makeup, lightly layering my eye lashes with mascara and adding a hint of silky beige blush. My hair was left to its natural waves as per usual. When I was content with my appearance, I grabbed my tan leather satchel and my wand.

Time to face the day.

~x~

Caroline Moss was intelligent. She was cunning, conniving, lecherous and rather good at fine art. She had gained a distaste for muggle technology which I had learned in my very first session with her when she tightened her upper lip slightly at the mere sight of my iPod. She hated her mundane life and wished she had pursued a career as an artist instead of following in her mother's footsteps and becoming a psychiatrist.

But no matter how hard I probed, no matter how many buttons I pressed, Caroline Moss had yet to even _flinch_ at my cutting words. In fact, she often slapped me right back with an insightful remark of her own. I was not used to this kind of behaviour. I did not like it.

"So Nikkia..." Dr. Moss began our session with a judgmental glance.

"Yes Caroline?" I smiled my most dazzling and convincing smile. But my eyes were steely and cold.

"You're going back to school on Monday?"

"That I am." I always answered in as few syllables as possible.

"Nervous?"

"No." I lied.

"Anxious?"

"Not at all." Another lie.

"Really? So the fact that your peers and most of the staff have no idea where you were the last two weeks of term doesn't bother you? You know as well as I do that there will no doubt be questions. School girls can be ruthless when there is a possible scandal at hand."

"Daphne and Snape have already informed anyone who has asked that I was taking an early vacation in Hawaii. Plus, it wouldn't exactly be the first time that a student disappeared to start their holiday celebrations early." I rolled my eyes at her pathetic efforts to try and hit a nerve.

"And what of Daphne and Professor Snape? Surely they will be watching your every move? Watching you eat? Monitoring your toilet breaks?" I locked my jaw.

"I've dealt with it before...I can deal with it again. Besides, how hard is it to smile and laugh and act as though you are content in your every action?" I pursed my lips instantly realizing my mistake.

"_Act_ as though you're content? What makes you think you won't be happy when you return to Hogwarts?"

_Draco will hate me._

The thought hit me like a double decker bus. I didn't have time to put up my defences and block those thoughts. It wormed its way in like a parasite.

"I..." I stuttered like a pathetic muggle. "How can anyone be perfectly happy when they are stuck in the confines of a school?" I cringed inwardly at my poor recovery.

"You'll have to do better than that, Nikkia. I won't be as easily fooled as your peers."

I hated Caroline Moss.

"Of course you won't be, it's not like you have a _life_ or anything similar to create any distractions." I didn't even smile maliciously, I couldn't be bothered.

"That's right Nikkia; attempt to stab at me with your words. Try and belittle my authority in order to make your day that little bit easier."

"Sweetheart," I patronized her mercilessly, "you're missing the point _entirely_. It's not to make _my_ day easier...it's all to make _your_ day that little bit worse."

We stayed in complete silence for a few moments, my words flying freely in the enclosed office space. It was only after a few minutes that Caroline opened her mouth to speak. But the sharp bleeping sound that came from the small clock on the wall beat her to it.

Instantaneously, I stood up from the mahogany couch and removed myself from her office, not once stopping to say farewell.

~x~

An hour after my _appointment_ with Dr. Moss, I found myself sat in _The Leaky Cauldron_. A shot of Fire Whiskey sat before me beside three empty shot glasses and a look of disdain and distaste was smeared across my face. It was a safe bet to say, I couldn't wait until these sessions came to an end. All I wanted was for life to regain some sense of normality. Was that too much to ask? I just wanted to go back to Hogwarts and _not_ have to face concerned looks and probing questions from Daphne. To be able to just continue my studies _without_ having the distraction that was Draco Malfoy.

But what I _wanted_ didn't matter anymore. Because _I_ was no longer the priority...Draco was. He had become my soul reason to even get up in the morning. To ensure his survival was at the top of my list. Hell, it was the only thing even on the damned list. And although I would have given anything to stay with him, it was just not possible. And so, I was putting _my_ desires behind me and locking them in a dark corner of my mind, a place I scarcely visited. With a little help from my good friend _alcohol_, that is.

"Nikki?"

My stomach churned at this intrusion of my thoughts. Who in Merlin's name had the courage to approach me when I looked as though I would kill anyone within five feet? I looked up and saw red hair. Well, that was the first thing my slightly blurred vision latched onto.

"Your name _is_ Nikki? Right?" The red hair spoke again. My eyes focused and I took in a pair of big blue eyes, more than one or two freckles and a slightly crooked nose. He was tall, a tad lanky and his hair hit just below his ears. His clothes were just that little bit too big for him. Not in length but in width. His posture was invisible and he held himself in an unconfident manner.

I nodded.

"This must seem weird...I mean we've never spoken or anything...but I was wondering...well, I saw you sitting here and I was wondering...if I could join you?" Ronald Weasley finally got to his point. I noticed during his humiliating display that he never once looked me directly in the eyes. But I didn't really _need_ to notice that...his nervousness echoed around the smoky pub.

The answer hit me instantly. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to drown my sorrows completely unaccompanied. But then again...maybe it would be interesting to see how a member of the golden trio would handle themselves around someone like me? What topics would he try and insinuate into our conversation? Would he try and lure me over to the angels? Letting curiosity get the better of me, I smiled a practiced and perfected shy smile at the youngest Weasley boy and made sure to hold his gaze.

"Take a seat." I cocked my head in the direction of the barstool to my left. His eyes widened, as though he was expecting me to spit in his face and tell him to forget it.

"Thanks," He grinned whilst he clambered onto the ripped brown leather seat. "I'm Ron, by the way, Ron Weasley." Of course, I knew exactly who he was...and he more than likely knew that too. But I still played along.

"Nikki Valentine." I shook his extended hand. It was clammy and rough. Calloused as though from manual labour. "Do you want a drink?" I gestured towards my liquor.

"I'm too young to drink." He widened his eyes again and looked down quickly at the rotting table top. Oddly, I found his embarrassment cute. I bit my lip to smother a smile and turned to the rough looking bar maid who was currently preoccupied by her reflection in a glass bottle.

"Evelyn? Another Fire Whiskey please." Evelyn nodded before turning to get my order.

"You're never too young." I leaned closer to Ron as I spoke.

"How can you..." Ron looked at the barmaid and then at me before shaking his head "Never mind." He took a deep breath as to regain some confidence before turning on his stool and looking at me. "I'll be honest with you. I've been watching you for a while now. Well, not watching...Merlin that sounds a bit stalker-ish. I'm not a stalker, I promise." He breathed again and I found myself smiling. "But well, you see...after what happened with Harry and, you know, how you helped us and everything...well I just couldn't believe that a _Slytherin_ would do something like that. And so, you see, I was _fascinated_ by you..."

"Fascinated?"

"I know it sounds creepy, but I swear it's not...I just don't understand you...and I want to...if that makes _any_ sense at all?" He gulped nervously.

"It makes sense." He looked up at me then and smiled an open lopsided grin just as Evelyn placed the shot of Fire Whiskey in front of me. I pushed it in front of Ron making no apologies for my actions.

"Honestly Nikki, one of these days you're going to get me sacked, you are." Evelyn sighed but chuckled at the same time.

"Here's to a new term at Hogwarts. May it bring clean slates for everyone." I held up my shot glass and Ron copied my actions.

"To Hogwarts." He spoke in awe as I clinked my glass against his and threw my head back allowing the fiery liquid to traverse down my throat, burning it's was into my bloodstream.

"Woah." Ron placed his now empty glass back on the table. "I've never had a shot before."

"Well, let's hope it's the first of many." I placed my empty glass with my growing collection, Ron's eyes never leaving me once.

~x~

"No! The funniest thing was when Professor Trelawney was "certain" that she'd seen an army of giants heading our way!" Ron erupted into laughter at his sudden memory and wiped his teary eyes.

"Merlin!" I laughed, "I'd forgotten about that! And she made Professor McGonagall place an army of statues at the main entrance! They were there for weeks!" I struggled for air through my giggles.

Two hours had passed since Ron had made his uneasy and awkward approach and now, we were like long lost relatives who got on like a house on fire. The boy had a talent for making me laugh, I'd give him that. We had been speaking about nothing at all significant all night and somehow, I was having more fun than I'd had in a long time. Plus, the bottle of Fire Whiskey in our blood streams only added to the hilarity. I had to hand it to Ron, for a first time drinker, he sure was guzzling it down.

"I think I'll miss Hogwarts...when I leave, I mean." Ron sighed, his fingers drawing patterns on the table top.

"What do you want to do after school?" I asked not to probe or to interrogate. Just as a general interest.

"I dunno really...I haven't really thought about it to be honest with you."

"Well Ron, I hate to be the one to burst your bubble, but we kind of only have a year and a bit left."

"I know that. And I will think about it. I just haven't yet. I mean, Harry's going to fight evil you know? Be an Auror or something better even, And Hermione's going to run a department in the Ministry...probably be a lawyer or a politician. And I guess I'll just..." He thought about it "Well, I guess I'll just get on."

"Your long term future plan is to simply 'get on'?" I smirked in a friendly sarcastic manner.

"Sounds decent to me. What about you?"

"Hmmm, well...although I wish it was, it's not as easy for me. Trust me, if there was a 'just get on' option, I would've jumped at the thought. I guess, the safe choice is to follow in my father's footsteps. Take over the studios and run a multi-million galleon corporation. I'll marry a suitable heir who will cherish me and go on to be a father to our adorable children."

"That sounds like the _safe_ option, like you said. But is that really what _you_ want?" No one had ever asked me what _I_ wanted before. I stalled at this new ground.

"What _I_ want?"

"Yeah,"

"I want what everyone wants."

"And what's that?"

"To be content in what I am and what I do. To wake up every day feeling fulfilled and accomplished. To be happy." I circled the rim of my empty shot glass with my index finger.

"And what would make _you_ happy, Nikki?" I paused at his question, thinking. _Really _thinking of what would make _me_ happy.

My vision blurred ever so slightly when only one name came to my mind...

_Draco._

But...I couldn't exactly just blurt out that name to the unsuspecting Ron Weasley. I may have been extremely drunk but I still knew my boundaries. So instead, I shrugged the question off and laughed. "More whiskey"

Ron clinked his shot glass against my own before we downed the burning liquid in unison, revelling in the fiery tingle as it reached the back of my throat. I glanced at the old and deteriorating grandfather clock behind the bar and saw that it was gone two in the morning.

"Shit! I'm not supposed to be out after midnight! Fuck, I've got to get home!" I practically fell off my bar stool and stumbled into Ron's outstretched and steady arms.

"Nikki, you can't even walk, let alone apparate. You'll end up with body parts scattered all over London!" Ron scolded me as though the mere idea of me apparating in my current state was madness.

"And you're so much better? You can hardly string a sentence together!" I protested in what sound like a one word sentence.

"Nikki, I'm not gonna argue with you over this. You're staying at The Burrow tonight and that's the end of it." I choked on my own breath.

"What the fuck is The Burrow?"

"Home." Ron stated simply with an accompanying shrug before placing his hand on mine and pulling me close. And then my stomach flipped.

~x~

The Burrow was..._original_. It must have been at _least_ seven floors high, each level rickety-er and more unstable looking than the next. Windows were scattered around with no order or symmetry and there was not any two made from the same wood. The thatched roof that was so high up it was barely even visible made the entire structure look like an originally quaint little cottage that had just been stretched beyond repair. It was safe to say, if for any reason the order of wizards crumbled and magic was lost, this place would fall to the ground immediately.

But through the rotten shutters and decaying walls, the place had a _vibe_ that was almost impossible to understand. It seemed almost _homely_. As though it was safe and secure, as if once inside, the walls were an impenetrable fort and you were completely out of harm's way. It was weird, to say the least. Unexplainable and yet completely accurate. I couldn't help but bear the huge smile that had spread across my face like an epidemic.

"_This_ is your _home_?" I turned to Ron with wide eyes filled with wonder. He looked at me before quickly dropping his gaze to the ground bashfully. Clearly he took my amazement as disgust.

"Yeah...it's no London Penthouse, but it's the only home I've got." He kicked the ground and played with a frayed bit of his tee shirt.

"Ron...it's incredible!" He looked at me then and at first, he was clearly going to tell me to stop being ironic or something similar. But when he saw the shear and undiluted _awe_ in my eyes, he grinned sheepishly and I couldn't help but return the gesture as I linked my arm through his. "So...how about a tour? I can't wait to see inside."

"Of course milady," Ron patted my hand and spoke like a gentleman. I giggled like a child at his faux cockney accent.

Ron led me towards a small wooden door with stained red glass covering the small window. Once through the door, candles suddenly lit up _everywhere_ the second our feet touched the stone kitchen floor. The interior of the house matched the exterior perfectly. The kitchen's rustic wooden cabinets were falling apart and the gas stove looked as though it was a recognized hazard but all these flaws somehow added to the homely feel of the whole house. Dotted around the peeling walls were family photos, one in particular that made me laugh out loud before quickly clasping a hand over my mouth, remembering that the rest of the Weasley clan were more than likely sound asleep upstairs.

"Wow, Ron, I never knew you were quite the expert in wizard chess!" I whispered whilst stifling my giggle as I pointed to a picture of a toddler-esque Ron eating wizard chess pieces. "You look adorable!" I leaned over and squeezed Ron's cheeks in my fingers as though he were still that little boy in that photo.

"Get off," Ron sulked. "I've tried to take that photo down, but my Mum's gone and used enchantments on every photo in the house. It's like they're part of the wall or something!" He looked at me and saw that I was still laughing, "Stop laughing! I was about three!"

"Your mother sounds like an interesting character; I do hope I get to meet her?" I questioned. I truly did wish to meet his mother, she was a legend in my eyes for raising that many children. A saint, if you will.

"You'll probably meet her in the morning, just promise me you'll tell her i slept on the couch down here, she'll have a hissy fit if she knows I shared a room with a girl before marriage."

"Oh...so we're sharing a room, are we?" I raised my eyebrows quizzically and suppressed a smile as Ron suddenly became flustered and his eyes widened.

"Well...I thought...it's not like anything's gonna happen...and I have a camp bed anyway...I can sleep down here if you want?"

"Ron..I'm joking." He let out a sigh of relief.

"Oh thank Merlin, I felt like a right pervert then."

"It's fine, like you said 'nothing's gonna happen'. I'm pretty tired though actually so.." I eyed the stairs.

"Yeah, of course. Just try and be quiet okay, I really don't want to wake the mother up." I nodded before following him up the creaking and indiscrete stairs that seemed to go on forever. We finally stopped at the fourth floor where Ron ventured off down the small and confined corridor whilst I followed suit. Stopping at the second door, Ron put his finger to his lips to remind me to be quiet before turning the door handle, sighing in relief when it did not make a noticeable sound,

His room was significantly smaller than mine, to say the least As a matter of fact, I wasn't even sure it could be justified to be called a 'room'. It was more like a cupboard or a closet. The bright orange walls paid homage to the family's famous hair colour and scattered around on the walls for various Quidditch posters and a few more family photos. A single bed was shoved into the corner of the room with a bed side table next to it and a wardrobe was in the opposite corner. That was it on the furniture front.

Ron moved quickly to the wardrobe and pulled out a small wooden box that had torn and faded broomstick stickers all over it. He moved to the centre of the room and opened the box which sprouted a mattress, duvet and pillow and grew tremendously in size until a durable sized camp bed took up all the available floor space left in the room.

"Tada," Ron smiled before seeing my facial expression. "Don't worry, I'll sleep on this and you can have my bed."

"Well, Ron, that's awfully kind of you. Have you possibly got anything I can sleep in?" I pulled at my light blue skinny jeans and frowned. Ron stared at me blankly for a second before shaking his head and springing into action.

"Yeah, sure." He said whilst travelling back the three inches to his wardrobe where he rooted around and pulled out a white vest top and a pair of grey track suit bottoms.

"A vest top?" I raised one eyebrow as he handed me the garments.

"Don't start. I never wear it, my mum got it me ages ago."

"Whatever you say," I joked. "Do you mind...?" I gestured with the clothes and he got the gist.

"Oh shit, yeah." He turned around as I quickly changed, folding my own clothes neatly on the floor.

"Okay, you can turn around now," Ron turned around and grinned at the sight of me. The track suit pants were way too big so I'd had to tie the ties at the top of the past as hard as I could so I looked like I was standing in a sack. The top was also extremely large and my figure had become non-existent. "Not one word," I warned him as I smacked him on the arm lightly and climbed into his bed. It was uncomfier than it looked. A _lot_ uncomfier.

"Goodnight Nikki," He said as he used his fore finger and thumb to put out the candle.

"Goodnight Ron."

After a few moments of peaceful silence, he spoke again.

"Nikki?"

"Yes Ron?"

"I'm really glad I spoke to you tonight."

I smiled into the darkness.

"I am too, Ron. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

~x~

I awoke with a start the next morning, once again being startled by my unfamiliar surroundings. I was really starting to make a habit out of this. The painfully bright orange walls stabbed at my pupils when I first opened my eyes, quickly scrunching them shut soon after the attack. Trying again, I cautiously pried open my eyelids as though the outside world was a nuclear bomb.

The room looked oddly smaller than it had the night before. I'm not saying it was exactly a grand ballroom but it somehow seemed less_ cramped_. Now, in my sober mind, I noticed the little things. Like how next to the 'too big' wardrobe, there was an unsteady looking pile of large and _extremely_ old and tattered books. Merlin, half of them were almost in pieces! On the other side of the bed side cabinet were a bunch of chocolate frog's wrappers and a few discarded jelly beans. An old sock peaked out from under the bed but I chose to overlook it.

The not so 'gentle' snores reminded me that I was not alone and I looked to the decrepit camp bed to my right and saw a tuft of red hair slipping out from under the orange and red chequered duvet. I couldn't help but smile as Ron Weasley's snorted twice gruffly before turning over so that he was lying on his stomach, hands folded above his fiery head. His body soon began rising and falling evenly, evidence that he had managed to fall back into a deep slumber. To support this, the snoring soon continued.

I didn't regret the previous night's events. It surprised me how much I had enjoyed myself. I had assured myself that come morning, I would be ashamed and embarrassed t be seen with the least valued third of the golden trio, but on the contrary, I realized that the night before had been one of the best nights that I had had in a long time. There were no worries, no regrets and no boundaries. No secrets, no overpowering emotions and no doubts. I had learned that I could still _live_ my life without _him_. I had learned that I could still have a laugh and a good time without _his_ company. I had also learned that Ron Weasley was one of the greatest guys I had ever met.

But it couldn't last. Because although _I_ certainly did not regret the night before, I knew that Ron would probably _hate_ himself for spending the evening with a Slytherin. I ignored the sadness I felt at that truth.

And so, after little consideration, I slithered out of Ron's bed, careful to avoid the creaking camp bed. Grabbing my folded clothes from the floor where I had placed them the night before, I turned around to take one last look at my unlikely acquaintance, taking in his shockingly toned muscles and mass of red hair. Don't get me wrong, I didn't see Ron in _that_ way whatsoever. But still, I looked. Sighing, I tore my eyes away and aimed my drooping eyes to the floor as I hurriedly yet quietly opened the door and left Ron Weasley's bedroom.

~x~

**I AM SO SORRY. I've been so busy but that is no excuse to not update in so long. So what do you think of Nikki's night out with the surprising Ronald Weasley? Please REVIEW as I love hearing what you think, it means so much. **

**Next chapter: Draco confronts Nikki and a friendship evolves. **

**Love you always, **

**musicmeanslove**

**x x x x x**


	12. A Hopeless Place

Chapter Twelve: A Hopeless Place

_Shine a light through an open door_

_Love and life, I will divide_

_Turn away because I need you more_

_Feel the heartbeat in my mind_

_It's the way I'm feeling, I just can't deny_

_But I've got to let it go_

_We found love in a hopeless place_

_Rihanna Feat. Calvin Harris – We Found Love_

"Hello stranger!"

Theo beamed at me as he entered our small carriage and instantly grabbed me into a bear hug. I couldn't breathe but I didn't care. I had missed him. A lot.

"I still cannot _believe_ that you got to sun yourself up in Hawaii while we spent the last week of term inside stuffy classrooms wishing we could die!" He squinted his eyes at me jokingly before returning to his usual charming smile, a smile that would have any girl swept off her feet. Any girl except for me, that is. He was like my brother after all. Ew. "So how was the beautiful Hawaii, anyway?"

I hated having to lie to him. But Theo wouldn't understand. He'd blame himself and constantly worry about me. I had enough of that with Daphne, I couldn't deal with it from him too. Theo was like my ball of sunshine and happiness. I _needed_ him smiling and laughing and being _completely_ oblivious. It meant I could talk to him without seeing pity in his eyes, without hearing concern in his voice. It was selfish, I know. But right then, it was the only thing keeping a razor away from my wrists.

"It was okay, a bit boring to be honest." I lied do fluently that I almost believed the words myself.

"Boring? Did you not _hear_ my rant about 'stuffy classrooms'? You haven't _experienced _boredom!" Theo joked as he sat down next to me and opposite Daphne. "I'm glad you went though, you needed a vacation."

"And what's _that_ supposed to mean?" I tried to hide my nervousness.

"Nothing, just at the end of term you were looking really tired and worn out. I was starting to worry. But don't worry, you look fine now." He patted my cheek playfully. "Gorgeous, even."

"Why thank you, kind sir." I smiled and chuckled slightly before going back to my sketch of the dreary landscape beyond the train's creaking walls.

I _was_ feeling better. A _lot_ better. True, I hadn't been able to eat solid foods since my trip to St. Mungoes and my waist was significantly smaller than when I began the Christmas term at Hogwarts, but still, I hadn't felt this..._energized_ in what felt like _years_. Even my _thoughts_ felt so much more brighter. And if I put off the thought of impossible task long enough, I found myself able to _truly_ smile. Like, _genuinely _smile. I could laugh without feeling a sense of reclusion. I was happy.

But then I thought of _him_. And I wondered how I could _ever_ be happy without him in my life. I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to take him away and keep him with me at all times. Where I could keep him safe and see him come to no harm...but it would never be like that. The Dark Lord would hunt him down, murder me without a second thought and make Draco suffer immensely for his act of desertion. And I could never forgive myself for that. And I _would_ not let that happen.

By Merlin, I would _not_ let that happen.

~x~

An hour passed on the rickety train journey and we still sat silently in our carriage, completely immersed in our own little worlds. My sketch had long been completed. We soon realized the time and so Daphne and I had excuse ourselves and changed into our school uniforms. I had glanced briefly in every carriage from ours to the toilets on the way and yet there was no sign of Draco Malfoy.

Pansy Parkinson and her pathetic minions had holed up in one of the carriages opposite the toilets and I could hear their idle gossip and weird fashion based jokes (which was ironic since not one of them would appreciate fashion if it ran up to them in the street and punched them in their fake noses) all the way up the aisle. Daphne and I simply laughed at their immaturities and rolled our eyes.

I suspected that Draco was sitting comfortably in the prefect's carriages. Probably with his tongue shoved down some slut's throat. My stomach clenched painfully at the heart wrenching thought. But I had to keep thinking things like that. If I tricked myself into believing that Draco never felt _anything_ for me, it would make it that little bit easier to break my own heart.

When we were a few feet away from our carriage, I realized that the carriage door was open, wide open in fact. This meant either of two things: Theo had gone out for a wander...or someone else had entered our little sacred haven. Theo's loud chuckle informed me that the latter was the correct option. Please Merlin no! Please don't do this to me!

But of course, Merlin _had _done it to me. He hated me _that _much. I was completely unprepared! I never even _imagined_ that _he_ would approach me! It was completely out of character. But I knew him too well. I knew that he would not interrogate me when I was around other people. Hell, he more than likely wouldn't even recognize my existence! So all I had to do was stay with either Daphne or Theo and I was fine, I could speak to him when I was ready. When I was good and ready,

"Ah, here she is! Nikki, Draco wanted to speak with you." Theo exclaimed as though nothing were out of the ordinary as soon as I stepped into the doorway.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

There goes my whole belief system.

There he was, in his entire God like glory. Merlin, I despised him. Words could not capture how much I hated him in that moment in time. I refused to look him in the eye. I refused to look at him altogether. Instead, I fiddled with a nonexistent fray on my perfectly conditioned skirt. What the hell was he playing at? Now I would have to deal with probing questions from my best friends and judging stares from Daphne. I couldn't refuse and he knew it. He knew exactly the position he had put me in. So I nodded and stepped back out into the aisle.

Draco followed me without another word to Theo and shut the carriage door behind him. I expected hushed tones in the aisle but he was having none of that. Before I even had a chance to open my mouth, he had grabbed my wrist sharply and was pulling me down the train. I knew where we were heading; he was taking me directly to the prefect quarters. I didn't put up a fight but still he kept a hold on my wrist as though I was going to turn and run for my life the first chance I got. But I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Although I had been hoping to put off this confrontation for as long as possible, I would not be a coward. This was happening _now. _

As soon as we got to his carriage, he practically threw me into the small space and slammed the door shut, making sure as to close the blind on the door in order to keep this as secret as possible. He was breathing heavily in anger but I was not in the slightest fearful. I had had this coming and I knew it.

"You've been avoiding me." And there it was. Sharp and straight to the point. It was then that I looked at him. _Really_ looked at him. And my heart was sore in my chest the moment my eyes met his. His usually misty and enigmatic amethyst eyes were now dull and lifeless. They were bloodshot as well, not from tears but rather from lack of sleep. His usually impeccably put together uniform was scruffy and loose, as though he had not eaten properly in weeks. It killed me to see him in this state. "And I'd like to know why."

"Draco..." I began, instinctively wanting to ease his distress. But then I remembered myself and my purpose...and I used the situation to my advantage. "I don't want this anymore Draco."

"This?" He probed.

"This, Draco! You, me...us! I don't want any of it!" I kept his gaze even though it was horrifyingly painful to do so. "This sick and twisted _thing_ between us! I'm _done_ with it." He did not flinch once at my words, but his frustration and anger was boiling around the room.

"You don't get a choice anymore Nikki! You think _I _haven't tried to stay away from you? That I haven't tried to be done with this undeniable pull between us? Because I have! I tried so hard but it _always_ comes back to you! Neither of us can just _walk away_!" He seethed and my throat clenched.

"It's not like that for me, Draco. I _can _walk away and I am! I don't feel this 'pull' that you're talking about and although it tended to my curiosity of you in the beginning, I've grown bored of it all." I tried to speak with finality, but he was nowhere near finished.

"You think you can fool me, Nikki? I'm not your father, I'm not your friends and I'm not your professors! You cannot lie to me! I know you better than _anyone_1 I know you better than I know myself and I can read you like you're a book I've written myself! Do not insult my intelligence by feebly attempting to snub me!"

"Fine," I tried a different approach "the truth is...I-I just can't deal with who you are. I can't deal with the mess that you're mixed up in and I've realized that I don't _have_ to deal with it. I don't _have_ to be dragged down with you in this hole of malicious lies and unforgivable deeds. It might help if you ever let me in once in a while, but instead you lie to me constantly! I'm just not cut out for this. I'm not cut out for you."

"You were _made_ for me!"

"No, Draco. I wasn't '_made'_ for anyone."

"You're _mine_, Nikkia." He wasn't shouting anymore and I realized that he was convincing himself, not me.

"I could have been." I sighed and placed a hand on my forehead in despair. "Everything's just so fucked up." Draco took my raised hand in his and pulled me closer. The moment was tender and soft and I granted him this last indulgence. He rested his forehead against mine and looked deeply into my emerald eyes. I fell in love with him all over again in that single moment.

"Come back to me." He whispered it so quietly that I barely caught it. "Please...just come back." He begged and I swallowed the lump on my throat, my eyes blurring slightly as I blinked furiously. "I'll tell everyone, if that's what you want...I'll tell everyone that you're mine. We'll go to the Mid-Summer Waltz together, we'll go for days out in Hogsmeade, I'll introduce you to my parents, I'll-"

"It's not enough, Draco." I cut him off before the tears fell from my eyes and I accepted his offer.

"Tell me what to do. Tell me what I have to do. Please...just tell me." He moved his hands up to cradle my face in his palms.

"There's nothing, Draco. It's done." As soon as the words left my lips, I saw something snap in him. I saw that it had finally registered in his mind that we were done and he wrenched his hands from my face, stepping back and ending our beautiful and intimate moment. His eyes suddenly went from desperate to hopeless to downright bitterness and I knew my Draco was lost to the world, never to resurface.

"Well then why don't you just leave?" He spat the words and I flinched at his cruelty. "Go on, scurry away like a cowardly rat!"

I knew this wasn't the real Draco; this was just a facade he was putting on in order to drown and maim his previous vulnerability. And so I moved to the door of the carriage and turned back one more time. I gazed at his appearance, at his dishevelled hair and locked jaw.

"I'll never regret it, Draco...any of it." I stated before unlocking the door and slipping out silently into the aisle as tears began flowing freely down my face.

~x~

Slumped on the floor of the broom cupboard in the prefect's quarters, I allowed my emotions to truly kick in as I cried shamelessly into my curled up knees. After about fifteen steps from Draco's carriage, my knees had given way and I had crawled into the nearest available refuge point which just so happened to be the broom cupboard which also homed the snack trolley and the prefects' cloaks. I looked like a registered homeless muggle. And I didn't care in the slightest. I didn't really care if I lived or died a that point of my life to be honest with you,

I kept on trying to convince myself that it was all in Draco's best interests but it was hard when all I wanted to do was run back to that carriage, throw my arms around him and apologize profusely. I wanted to tell him that I didn't know what I was thinking at that everything was going to be alright from then on. That I would be with him every step of the way and I wouldn't let _anybody_ hurt him. But I knew the truth and I knew that all that was never an option. I just wanted to hold him one last time. To taste his lips against my own and to feel his body crushed as tightly as possible against mine.

I was startled suddenly when the cupboard door opened and a shadowed figure reached for the light switch. Every fibre in my body prayed that it was Draco.

"Nikki? What the fuck are you do-...Nikki?" Ron stopped his humour after I lifted my head and he saw my full face in all my tearful glory. "Merlin, Nikki! What's happened?" He was by my side in a second, shutting the door and turning off the light in the process. "Has someone...has someone _hurt_ you?" He asked, worry and anger laced in his usually cheerful voice.

"No," I croaked out, dying of humiliation. "I did this to myself. I deserve this." I put my head in my hands at how _broken_ I sounded.

"What can I do, Nikki?" Ron asked desperately and I flashed back to Draco's similar pleas.

"You can't do anything that I've not already done...no one can." Completely out of my character, I placed my head on his shoulder. Ron acted quickly and wrapped his arm around me, caressing my head gently with his hand. His other hand, he placed on my knee as to form a cage around my body, armour that could ward off all evil. But how could he protect me from myself?

"I'm here Nikki. Nothing's going to happen to you, I promise." Ron attempted to soothe me whilst running his fingers gently through my hair and holding me tightly.

I didn't answer, knowing that he could never understand. Instead, I simply buried my face further into his chest and revelled in the warmth that he radiated. We stayed like that for a while, me drowned in my hopeless pool of despair and Ron, oblivious yet concerned. It was odd: concern and worry from most people repulsed me. There was nothing I hated more than seeing someone close to me _fret_ about my ill being. But somehow, coming from Ron, it didn't seem so _intense_ or pestering. Actually, he made it feel _good_ to be able to have someone to hold me and promise to me that everything would be okay. Somehow, I didn't feel vulnerable when I opened up to him. I didn't feel weak even as he watched tears stream down my cheeks.

"I don't like seeing you like this." His soothing hand pressed harder as the anger radiates from his body.

"It's done now." I replied simply and lifted my head off his chest when I felt the train slowing to a halt. "We're here."

Not a word was exchanged as we both stood up from our corner of despair and dusted off our uniforms. I smiled at Ron for one last time in the dim lighting before turning to the door and placing my cold hand on the brass handle.

"Are you okay?" I stopped my actions, the question taking me by surprise.

"I will be..." I paused, considering and replaying the past events and all possible outcomes. "That's all that matters."

~x~

"First years to the boats!" Hagrid's booming voice rained down upon the swarms of students. "And the rest o' yer, you know where t' go." He continued to gather all of the semi-adjusted first years whilst the vast remainder of us made the familiar journey up the small hill and towards the Thestral drawn carriages.

Ron and I had said our goodbyes after leaving the broom cupboard and had headed our separate ways, to our separate houses and our separate friends. Theo had asked me what Draco had wanted and what took me so long but I satisfied his curiosity by feeding him some story about being partners in potions and running into Lucy McDalleon (a friendly yet overly cheerful Ravenclaw from our year) on my way back to the carriage. Daphne had said nothing but her cursory glances and disbelieving eyebrow lifts were enough to tell me that I was going to be put through Spanish Inquisition the first second we were alone together.

I hadn't seen Draco since our last carriage encounter. Truth be told, I was doing anything other than look for him out of fear of what I might see. _My_ Draco was gone. I had killed him. Now all that was left was the cold, cruel and heartless shell of a man that wore Draco's face as a mask. But it was for the best (I continually told myself), this was the _only_ way in which he could have any chance of completing his 'impossible' task and surviving the wrath of the Dark Lord if only for another few months.

Daphne grabbed my hand and pulled me towards an empty carriage hurriedly as to ensure that we didn't have to share with anyone, Theo followed suit. We never were ones for sharing; we were so incredibly immersed in our own little worlds that anyone who was as unfortunate to attempt to join in our conversations would be lost completely.

I revelled in the minor change of temperature as we clambered inside the black carriage (I was sure to stroke the Thestral before so as to not seem rude), even my Russian looking fur hat and thick cream cashmere scarf could not protect me from the harsh and icy January winds. Theo sat next to me whist Daphne sat down in the centre of the opposite bench as to appear uninviting to anyone else who dare attempt to be seated in _our_ carriage.

"There better be Yorkshire Puddings...if not, I'm going home." Theo stated, licking his lips greedily as though he could already smell the golden battered pastries.

"Merlin! Will you _stop_ talking about food!" Daphne batted his arm playfully with her own perfectly manicured hands and rolled her eyes. I smiled at my best friends as they continued their own harmless banter. They really were made for each other, even if they couldn't see it yet.

"...Nikki?" Theo looked at me as though he had just asked me a question and I simply stared back at him blankly.

"Huh?" I asked, cringing at my masculine tone.

"I just asked if you were going on the next Hogsmeade trip. I think it's in about three weeks?"

"Errm," thinking back to my previous Hogsmeade visit, the thought of ever going back to that dreaded place made my stomach churn with the sickly taste of bad memories. "I don't think so..." They both looked at me with confusion painted over their porcelain faces, knowing that it was completely out of the ordinary for me to _ever_ turn down a shopping trip. "I've got _so_ much work to catch up on from when I was...in Hawaii. Honestly, I'm swamped."

Theo seemed to deliberate my perfectly structured excuse in his mind for a few moments before his face visibly relaxed and I knew that he had bought my fluent lie.

"Fair enough," He turned back to Daphne, "Looks like it's just you and me then, Daph."

And just like that, they were back to their idle flirting. I wasn't upset or offended or anything. I didn't feel left out or like a third wheel. I was happy in my own little world and they knew it. It was the main reason that we made such a good team and had managed to maintain our friendship for so long.

We hadn't set off yet; the carriage was still sat aimlessly in the queue as other students hurried and struggled o find available seats. My eyes scanned the crowd as my gaze blankly passed over the numerous Ravenclaw's that hugged their friends (who they would be seeing again in less than twenty five minutes) and piling into several separate carriages. I saw Harry Potter and Hermione Granger clamber into a carriage and my eyes searched for Ron. Locating my target, I swiftly jumped down onto the bark ridden ground.

"I'll meet you guys up there; I think a walk will do me good." I said to my friends not leaving them enough to time to stop me even if they wanted as the Thestral in front of them began to trot rather hurriedly.

Ron was stood a few feet away from his friends' carriage fumbling around with some electronicy looking futuristic device. His back was to me, so he didn't see me as I approached. He turned immediately as I tapped him lightly on the shoulder, his oblivious face filling with joy the second he saw who was confronting him.

"Walk with me?"

"Sure."

~x~

Draco wasn't in the great hall. My eyes had desperately searched the length of the Slytherin table but it was to no avail: Draco Malfoy was nowhere in sight. He was childish, ignorant, pathetic, and immature and he was sulking. 'The Slytherin Prince' had hidden himself away and was having a little sulk on his own. I couldn't blame him though: I only wished that I could do the same thing.

Ron had made me laugh throughout the entire of the journey to the castle. His naivety and obliviousness was exactly what I needed to brighten my bleak future if only for a little while. We had chatted idly about the forth coming term and our hopes and dreams for what it might bring our way. We joked about Trelawney's crazy eyes and about the outcome of trying to seduce Peeves. And it did take my mind off _him_ for a short amount of time, but as soon as I entered the great hall and Ron and I said our goodbyes, my eyes scanned the room endlessly for even a glimpse of that platinum blonde hair and I couldn't help the empty pit that formed in the bottom of my stomach when I realized the object of my search was nowhere to be found.

My mind continually flashed back to his face in the compartment. He looked so..._lost_, so _broken_. And then, in a split second he had changed into his cold, hard and arrogant shell and I knew that I would probably never see the real Draco Malfoy ever again. My eyes blurred slightly at the reality of the situation. Draco _hated_ me. He despised me for what I had done to him. And that was why I felt his pain, because I would've felt exactly the same had he done it to me.

I forced down two cherry yogurts and a pint of pumpkin juice under the surveying eye of Daphne Greengrass. I wasn't hungry. In fact, my appetite was the _last_ thing on my mind. But if you had _seen_ the look on Daphne's face when I tried to tell Theo I wasn't hungry? You'd be stuffing your face too.

Daphne had quietly ambushed me the second I took the seat beside her. I silenced her quickly and told her that we had to be careful as we did not know who was listening. She didn't reply verbally but her strained eyes informed me that this was a subject that she was _not_ going to drop and that I would be interrogated as soon as we were alone. It was accurate to say I was _not_ looking forward to it.

Time passed by in a blur and before I knew what was happening, my feet were mindlessly navigating me to the dungeons and I was passing through the common room portrait. I avoided even looking at Daphne and as soon as I entered our dorm I began getting ready to slip into my bed.

"Oh, no." Daphne scolded. "You're not getting away with this one."

"Look, Daph. I'm tired so can we just-"

"_No_! We cannot 'just leave it'. You are telling me what the _hell_ happened _right now_!" Her voice was high pitched and scratchy and I scrunched up my face unattractively in response.

"Daphne," I pulled my pyjama jumper over my body before standing up off my bed and looking at her sternly. "I'm _going_ to tell you _everything_. But _not_ tonight." Defeat washed over her face as she realized that I was standing my ground. "Look, I know you're just worried about me and I love you for that but I'm just too tired to get into it right now." I added just to reassure her that I wasn't mad before turning on my heel and walking toward the dormitory door.

"Where are you going?" Daphne chocked out and I could tell that she was indeed upset by my refusal to inform. I wanted to turn back around and tell her that I was fine, that there was nothing to worry about and that it was all going to be okay. But I couldn't. I refused to lie to my best friend.

"I'm going to sit in the common room for a while; catch up on some reading." I said whilst grabbing a copy of _Potions: The Elixirs of Life_ and pulling on my dark purple slipper boots.

"Do you want me to come with you? I don't mind, honestly." I turned back to my best friend ad saw that concern had flooded her features.

"No, you get some sleep. I'm fine, Daphne..._really_, I promise." I left it at that before turning the brass handle and slipping through the door out into the dark and gloomy corridor. I needed time alone. Tine to think; time to reflect. Time to figure out what the fuck I was going to do now. Could I _really_ stay away from Draco? Could I _really_ convince myself to never even speak to him again?

The common room was almost pitch black as I ignited the tip of my wand. To anyone else, the empty and eerie open space would have been considered scary but not for me. My mind was buzzing with so many emotions that there was no room to spare for something as meaningless and as trivial as fear. I flicked my wand towards the white marble fireplace and muttered the incantation which soon creating beautiful orange and yellow flames that cast shadows all around the vacant room.

It was then that I saw her.

She was stood in the small archway that led to the dormitory steps and was looking directly at me, her cold and hard gaze attempting to cut right through me. She must have followed me, there was no other explanation. But why? She was looking at me like she _loathed_ the very ground that I walked upon. I wasn't really bothered, she wasn't particularly my favourite person in the world...but _why_ did she look like she wanted to murder me with her own two hands?

"You think you're something special don't you!" Pansy Parkinson hissed at me, quiet enough as to not draw any attention to herself but vicious enough to try and belittle me.

"I'm sorry?" I looked at her in a slightly bemused manner but that only seemed to spur her on.

"You heard me. Do you think he _loves_ you, is that it?" I understood what she was talking about instantly and my insides began to churn. "Do you think that you're his weakness? His _soul mate_?" She giggled harshly but I could see the tears that she was fighting back glistening in her dark brown eyes. "Because you're _not_! You're just a game! A challenge! You are _nothing_ to him and never will be!"

"Pansy, I have no idea what you're talking about." She wasn't my friend. I felt no remorse in lying to her.

"Don't _fucking_ deny it!" She almost screamed and I nervously glanced around half expecting Snape to be watching us with a face like thunder. "I've seen the way you look at him! You want him, don't you? Well he's _mine_! He will _always_ be mine!" This girl was seriously delusional, I pitied her.

"Don't make me laugh," I turned my nose up at her like she was the most disgusting sight I had ever seen. "Draco _despises_ you. He told me himself." I was being a bitch but I didn't care anymore. I was tired and Pansy was really pissing me off.

"Oh really? He 'despises' me?" I smirked at her in answer to her question. "Well if he hates me so much then why was it that we spent half the bloody train journey here screwing like bunnies!" My heart dropped to my stomach and my vision was shrouded in scarlet.

"Don't lie, Pansy. It is a mark of desperation." My voice shook with rage as I glared at her pug-like features.

"Please, Nikkia," She used my full name with distaste and distain and I wanted her to die. "You know that I'm not lying, but if you need proof, you can see for yourself the bruises on my hips where he pushed-"

Her words died in her throat as my self control disintegrated and my fists were suddenly introduced to her face.

~x~

**Hi guys, so sorry it took me so long to update but I promise I'm going to try and get updates to you faster now. Already half way through the next chapter so it should be up soon. Hope you like it and please REVIEW! I love hearing from you**

**musicmeanslove**

**3**

P.S. Johanna is a dick. 


	13. Spare Me Just Three Last Words

Chapter Thirteen: Spare Me Just Three Last Words

_Because you kill me  
You know you do; You kill me well  
You like it too and I can tell  
You never stop until my final breath is gone  
Spare me just three last words  
"I love you" is all she heard  
"and I'll wait for you, but I can't wait forever"_

Hawthorne Heights – Ohio Is For Lovers

In all my five and a half years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry, I had _never_ once seen Professor Severus Snape as angry as he was at that particular moment in time. His shoulder length black hair was a complete mess as he continuously ran his pasty white hand through it, dishevelling what was already dishevelled beyond repair. His shiny black leather shoes made large slapping sounds against the dark oak wood floor boards as he paced aggressively back and forth across the limited free space in his shady and cramped office. I had been sat in Snape's Head of House office for nearly half an hour now, and as of yet, I had not had the chance to get one word in through his never ending and erratic rant.

Pansy had snitched. Of course she had. Well, I _had_ broken her nose, oops. It would probably do her a favour, probably straighten it out. I was being a bitch and I knew it, but I honestly did not care. I hated the bones of that silly little girl. I grew bored of Snape's rant rather quickly and so I felt it was the right time for me to interrupt him.

"Snape." I did not raise my voice at all but he stopped speaking immediately. More than likely out of shock that a student _dared_ interrupt him. "Are you going to expel me?" I asked bluntly and looked at him with no emotion whatsoever on my face other than boredom.

"No, of course not. But that's not the point, you-"

"If you're not going to expel me then why am I still here?" He was silent with fury. "Just give me my form of punishment so that I can leave. I'm missing Potions for this."

"How _dare_ you speak to m-"The vein on his fore head was throbbing.

"I would appreciate it if you didn't raise your voice sir as I have not. Now, punishment?" He _glared_ at me and I rolled my eyes. "Severus," His nostrils flared when I called him by his first name and I had to cover up a smile. "I know _everything_," I didn't but he didn't have to know that. "I've _seen_ everything. You know that I would never do _anything_ to jeopardize Draco's safety which I have demonstrated clearly of the past week. You are also aware of the power that I hold over him. I'm not for one second implying that I would ever _force _him to do anything irrational and dangerous. But if _anything_ were to happen to me, you know that Draco would soon forget his 'task' and would solely focus on his revenge. Therefore, you will _not_ raise your voice to me ever again. I am accepting responsibility for my actions and I will act out my punishment gracefully."

I held his gaze, never once changing my expression or portraying _any_ emotions. I half expected him to _explode_ there and then but after a few minutes of evil death stares and heavy breathing, his brow softened and his eyes grew less fiery and more..._admirable?_ He looked at me with respect and smiled slightly.

"It would appear that I have underestimated you, Miss Valentine."

"You wouldn't be the first." I quipped.

"I see now, quite clearly, why the sorting hat placed you in Slytherin. You are everything that a Slytherin should aim to be."

"Thank you, Sir." I called him by his title showing that I did still respect him.

"Now, for your punishment..." he stalled, his mind running through endless possibilities."Filch has informed me that the Trophy Room is in quite a state, you will spend however long it takes on Saturday sorting it out."

"I assume that magic is forbidden?"

"No," I looked at him absurdly. "I never said that at all." He smiled and I returned the gesture in understanding.

"Thank you, Sir."

"Oh and Nikki?" Snape added just as I believed the conversation was over. "I have been asked to remind you of a certain therapy session that will take place tomorrow."

I groaned having forgotten all about the mandatory sessions that I would be forced to attend.

"Thank you for reminding me, where are the sessions to take place?"

"I have given that..._woman_ permission to use my office for your sessions." I smirked at the knowledge that Snape detested Caroline Moss almost as much as I did. I nodded in acceptance.

No more words were exchanged, nothing else needed to be said. I turned on my heel and left Snape's dingy office, closing the heavy oak door behind me. I smirked to myself as I began the long walk back up to The Great Hall.

~x~

'Milking it' was an art form for Pansy Parkinson. Madam Pomfrey had healed her nose instantly and taken away all bruising. I knew this because I had endured the same treatment the year prior when I had broken my elbow. But a simple story wasn't good enough for dear little miss pug faced mongrel; oh no. The desperate idiot had used make up to recreate the wound that 'still hurt' and was using that black eye shadow in her new found battle to socially annihilate me. Her efforts were wasted. The only snide looks I received were from approximately five girls in Slytherin. I may as well have been given high fives from the remainder of Hogwarts.

Theo had patted my shoulder like a proud father and had said 'Someone needed to do it...and it's even better that that someone was you.' Daphne had burst out laughing as expected and everyone else seemed to have acquired a new found level of respect for me. I felt like The Godfather.

It would have appeared that Pansy had failed to inform her 'minions' of exactly _why_ I had punched her in the jaw. I assumed that the idea of Pansy 'losing' Draco to me was more humiliating than the story she had decided to spin: I was just so _jealous_ of her apparently. Daphne and I had spent a whole night giggling at the mere idea of being envious of her 'unfortunate looks' and 'abysmal personality'. I would rather spend the rest of my days as a Blast-Ended Skrewt than _ever_ wake up in the life of Pansy Parkinson. Seriously, the girl was _delusional._

But I knew that she had spoken the truth. Somehow, she had discovered the...whatever it was between Draco and I. Exactly how much she actually _knew_ was beyond me but it was definitely enough for her to verbally pounce on me. And it didn't sound exactly out of character for Draco to ventilate his anger by fucking anything with legs; I hardly expected him to cry and write poetry. No doubt that Pansy was gagging for it. Hell, he probably didn't even need to talk to her first before she dropped her knickers (that is, if she even _wears _them) like the good little slag that she is.

That didn't stop it from hurting, though. But I convinced myself that I had no right to be hurt. _I_ had been the one to end things with _him_. Sure, I was only doing it to save his life but _he_ didn't know that. And the more that I thought about it, the more I realised that if the tables were turned and it had been _him_ who had finished things with _me_...I probably would've done anything to make him jealous. But I was a champion of the false smile and a gold medallist at the art of deception and as long as I looked content on the outside; the inside could wait until later.

"You look like you're having as much fun as I am." A familiar voice observed from my right. I was currently sat in Astronomy; one of the few classes that Draco and I did _not_ share. The silver haired and misty eyed professor, Aurora Sinistra had been talking about the same bloody constellation for at least twenty minutes but I didn't care; it wasn't like I was actually listening anyway.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I turned to Ron as I whispered "This is the most exhilaratingly interesting lesson that I've _ever_ attended."

"Obviously, you didn't take History of Magic." He smirked and I chuckled.

"Wait, neither did you?" I looked at him incredulously.

"I know," He admitted freely, his unruly red hair falling into his pale blue eyes "But it made you smile."

He looked at me then and for some unknown reason, a large and uncomfortable lump formed in my throat. I looked away quickly. What was happening to me? Why was I suddenly becoming an emotional wreck? Why was it always around _Ron_? Why was it so _fucking_ cold at the top of the astronomy tower? As if to support my complaint, my body shivered and I pulled my thin grey school jumper over my shoulders. My inappropriate attire was thanks to the fact that (due to my hectic mind) I had completely forgotten my class schedule. My cloak lay misplaced Merlin knows where.

"Here, take this." I felt a sudden warmth surround me and turned to see Ron had placed his cloak over my shoulders.

"Don't be stupid, Ron. You'll freeze," I said and attempted to shrug the cloak off but he quickly placed his large hands on the material to keep it in place around me.

"I'm fine, I have bulk to keep me warm. You, you're like a stick insect." I swatted him playfully.

"Thank you." I sunk into the beautiful warmth.

"No worries. The red and gold suit you." I looked down at where he was looking at saw the Gryffindor crest glowing on my chest. I felt weird.

"That's weird," I informed him. "It doesn't feel right."

"It _looks_ right." Ron commented and I rolled my eyes.

"For the last time, Ron. I _like_ being in Slytherin! I _belong_ there." I smiled; this was a debate we had discussed many a time.

"But you're not like the others."

"I'm a bitch." I said proudly.

"True," He said mockingly "but you're brave too, _and_ nice...when you want to be." He added when I raised my eyebrows.

"Ron Weasley...let me tell you something. And I'm only going t say it once so listen carefully: I am the most manipulative person that you will ever meet, never forget that."

"You're the best person that I've ever met," He looked deep into my eyes. "I'll never forget _that_."

~x~

Days turned into weeks which turned into months and before I know it, it was April and the air had grown warmer and the trees had blossomed. I was half way through my exams, I'd finished two entire sketchbooks and I hadn't spoken to Draco Malfoy _once_. In fact, I had barely even _seen_ the blonde haired 'Slytherin Prince' aside from a few peripheral vision glances. It was better that way though; if he wasn't around, I didn't have a constant reminder that the past year _actually_ happened.

It seemed as though my life had regained some sense of _normality_. I had fallen back into my old routine and had focused all of my efforts on my studies. Hell, I felt as though I had transformed into Hermione Granger! But I hadn't relapsed once, my father had apparently 'never been more proud' of me and my weekly sessions with Caroline Moss were going swimmingly. I had taken Draco's advice and fed her a string of lies at our hourly Monday meetings. The silly cow was none the wiser and _actually_ thought that she was getting through to me.

And then there was Ron. I wasn't going to lie; he and I had become close. As a matter of fact, I owed him everything I had due to the fact that he was probably the person who had got me through the past months. He could make me truly laugh and we could talk for hours on end about absolutely nothing. He didn't know about Draco. I had never told _anyone_. Sure, Daphne knew but she had figured it out herself. Daphne also knew about my friendship with Ron and although I could tell that she didn't approve, she kept her nose out and never dropped any snide comments.

I had told Ron that I wasn't ashamed to be friends with him or anything, but that things would just get complicated and I didn't know whether I could handle that. I hadn't exactly _lied_ to him because what I had said was true. I just hadn't revealed the bigger reason for me wanting to keep our platonic relationship a secret...the fact that should the world know, Ron could possibly get hurt. I was fast becoming best friends with one of Draco's supposed 'enemies'. I knew that if Draco found out, he would surely see red.

I was in the library, catching up on a Potions assignment that I had yet to complete. It was the middle of the afternoon but I was alone in the library as it was lunchtime and the Great Hall would no doubt be packed with students stuffing their rosy cheeked faces. Theo and Daphne had left me approximately twenty minutes ago to satiate their growling stomachs. Daphne had given me a funny look when I said I wanted to stay and carry on with my lunch but the look soon vanished when I pulled out a flask full of soup.

They had promised to return but as I finished the last sentence of my essay, I checked the clock on the wall and saw that they wouldn't be finished for at least another twenty minutes and there was really no point waiting. I decided just to go to them instead and began packing up my things. I only had Potions with Professor Slughorn after lunch and then I had planned to meet Ron down by the lake to go for a walk which would no doubt be filled with more laughter than the world thought possible.

The heavy oak door to the library clicked shut behind me as I stepped out into the corridor, the sound disturbing the otherwise silent atmosphere. My black ballet pumps padded softly against the dark marble floor as I began the short journey to the Great Hall. I was just walking past the second floor girl's bathroom, when something _else_ disturbed the silence: an anger fuelled cry. I didn't hear exactly what was yelled, but it sounded out of place and vengeful. My brow furrowed as I stepped closer to the bathroom door, listening all the while for any other unusual sound...there was nothing. Giving up on patience and discretion; I pushed open the oak wood door and slipped inside.

A tap was running but there was no one stood by the sinks. I peered around the corner where the row of toilet cubicles were located and saw the back of a boy. It was Harry Potter. He hadn't noticed me, he was focused and unmoving as I treaded hesitantly past the row of cubicles towards where he stood. Every step I took, the more that was revealed to me which at first seemed to be nothing at all...and then I saw the shoes. Black, leather, Italian and designer. My breathing increased and my footsteps quickened. I reached the end of the cubicles and my knees grew weak.

Draco was on the floor.

There was blood everywhere.

Draco's eyes were closed.

The back of my mind registered that the running water had spilled out onto the cold grey floor tiles.

My knees fell to the floor beside him.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion. One hand hovered over my mouth as the other sheepishly stretched out towards Draco's side. My knees were damp and I looked down to see that my tights were stained with blood. It was then that the world kicked in and I felt as though I was going to be violently sick. My head shot around to where Harry was still standing, his eyes wide with terror.

"What the _fuck_ have you _done_?" I screamed at him. Tears ran down my face but I was not embarrassed or ashamed. I didn't have the capacity to hold any other emotions that sheer worry and dread.

"I didn't...I j-just...I'm sor-"

"Shut the _fuck_ up and get Snape..._now_!" I screamed at him yet again, not even giving him the chance to answer my first question. Harry didn't need telling twice: he was gone in an instant. Sobbing, I turned back to Draco's motionless form and moved his head onto my knees where I leaned down and unthinkingly pressed my lips to his cold and clammy forehead. "If you die Draco, I swear to fucking Merlin I will bring you back and kill you myself!" I whispered against his skin as my tears rolled down my cheeks.

"Nikkia? What's-" I didn't look at Snape as he entered. His words halted as he saw the sorrowful depiction before him. He was by my side immediately, wand in hand as he murmured incantations under his breath. Nothing seemed to be happening. "The curse is too strong, he needs to be taken to Madam Pomfrey immediately." Snape stood up swiftly and with a wave of his wand, a simple stretcher appeared floating beside Draco. "Nikki, you need to step away."

I didn't move.

"Nikki...I can't lift him if you don't move." His words penetrated my mind and I carefully slid myself out from under Draco and placed his head gently on the ground.

"Snape? He's going to be okay, isn't he?" I asked the professor as he used his wand to lift Draco onto the stretcher.

He didn't reply.

~x~

It had been twenty three hours since Draco was rushed to the Infirmary. I hadn't left his side for twenty three hours. Madam Pomfrey had tried her hardest to get me to leave. The school rules only allowed visitors to the Infirmary in between nine o'clock in the morning and seven o'clock at night but I wasn't going anywhere. She even called for my head of house as a last ditch attempt but Snape merely stated that I was to do as I pleased. I had awoken that morning with a stiff back after sleeping in a chair besides Draco's bed; my body slumped over onto his mattress. My hand had gripped his all night.

The wounds were deep and the gashes covered most of his body. Snape's spell had stopped the bleeding and ultimately saved his life but the cuts themselves could not be healed via any spell and so a special ointment had been rubbed on his skin. They were halfway healed already. The deepest wound was on his forearm and when that seemed to clear up: I would leave his side. Not a minute sooner. I just _had_ to know for myself that he was going to be okay. I would leave before he awoke and he would never realize that he still meant everything to m but until then, I would not leave his side for _anyone_.

Snape hadn't spoken to me directly yet, but by his approval of my presence to Madam Pomfrey, it was proven that he understood my _need_ to be with Draco. I was sure that if I remained in the Infirmary when Draco awoke, Snape but scold me with stern words of warning but he probably assumed that I did not plan to remain there when Draco was conscious and aware of his surroundings.

The curtains were drawn around Draco's bed. It was the first thing that I had done once I reached the Infirmary. Draco craved his privacy. He wasn't going to use his wounds to brag about his heroism like 'The Boy Who Lived' always did. Draco relished in his self reservation and his untarnished reputation. The last thing he needed was his name to be made a mockery of. I had informed Harry Potter that I would deal with him later and I planned to keep to my word. In the meantime, I had told him to breathe a word of this to no one. He was all too happy to agree, though I didn't doubt for a second that Ron and Granger would be fully informed of the situation.

"Nikki?"

A hesitant voice interrupted the anxious atmosphere in which I had created. Blaise had peeped his head through the curtain and was looking at me with sorrowful eyes. I had asked Madam Pomfrey to see that Blaise was informed of his friend's situation. Blaise deserved to know and I had come to the realisation that I could trust Blaise with my life.

"Come in, Blaise." I spared him a cursory glance before returning my attention back to Draco.

"Was it bad?" The Italian questioned having not seen Draco's wounds before the ointment was used.

"If Snape hadn't known the counter curse; he would've died from the blood loss." I rubbed my thumb against the smooth marble skin on the back of Draco's hand.

"Merlin!" Blaise muttered under his breath. "I'll kill that fucking _Potter_!" I practically _heard_ Blaise's fists clench.

"Don't be _stupid_, Blaise!" I snapped. "You lay a finger on the golden boy's head and you'll only go and get yourself expelled." I wasn't reasoning with him; I was ordering him. "We'll deal with _Potter_ when we know _exactly _what occurred in that bathroom."

"We already _know_ what happened!" Blaise seethed. "_Potter_ nearly fucking _killed_ him!"

I glared at him then. My jaw locked and my whole body tensed. Blaise seemed to realise that there was no way on earth that he could win this battle and I watched as he slumped back in his chair and his fists relaxed.

"Harry and Draco have always had their rivalry...but no harm was _ever_ caused by either of them Well, nothing _serious_ anyway. This is something different; Draco could have _died_. Unforgivable curses aren't just thrown around over some pathetic spat."

"You think it was the Cruciatus curse that did this? I don't know, Nikki...I've never seen anything like _this_," He gestured to where Draco lay.

"I don't think even _Harry_ knew what it was. He was stone white shocked when I found them; as though he had no idea of the repercussions of his actions." I spoke in hushed tones as not to inform any oblivious passer bys.

"Well, Draco _looks_ almost back to normal." Blaise observed and I noticed that he was right. A tint of colour had returned to Draco's cheeks and the wounds on his neck were barely visible. I pulled his sleeve back carefully and noticed that the deepest gash on his arm had completely closed and all that remained was an angry pink line. I took that as my sign to leave and stood up from my chair. The last thing I did before I moved was let go of Draco's hand.

"Stay here until he wakes up, he needs you." I turned to leave.

"Draco needed _you_." I stopped dead in my tracks. "He still does...but you fucked off and left him when he needed you the most." I turned around to see Blaise staring at me with emotionless eyes as though he were just an informant relaying the facts.

"_Excuse_ me?" I played dumb.

"Don't pretend, Nikki: you're better than that." He sighed. "You were the thing that kept him going, you know? Even when he told you that you meant nothing to him: you were his reason for carrying on." My lips parted in shock but I remained silent. "He never said anything but he didn't have to. I saw the way he looked at you; like you were the most sacred thing on earth. I always had my suspicions, but when you cornered me in Hogsmede and demanded to know where he was; I knew that you were both in way over your heads...and the funny thing was you both didn't even know it. You _still_ don't realise it now!"

"It's not as simple as-" I tried to protest but I was soon interrupted.

"And then you go and _fucking_ leave him!" Blaise's voice lost control. "He was ready to take on everything head on because he knew that you were beside him! He was ready to put everything he had on the line just because he thought it'd make you _proud_ of him! And then you ignore him for _months_! Merlin, I don't know _what_ the fuck you said to him on the train back here but whatever it was...you fucking _broke_ him, Nikki."

"You don't _understand_!" I pleaded. "I did it _for_ him!"

"Don't give me that bullshit, Nikki! If you knew him half as well as I know you do, you would've known that leaving him was the _last_ thing that he needed! He's been a _wreck_ ever since! His mind's all over the place!" I was shocked at how honest and blunt he was being with me. I was pretty sure that Blaise and I had _never_ had a serious conversation before and now all of a sudden we were involved in a heated _debate_.

"I have to go; I can't deal with this right now." I snivelled like a coward.

"That's right, run away like you always do." He quipped as I reached the curtain. I turned back one last time.

"If you value Draco's life _at all_; you won't tell him that I was ever here."

"Oh I value his life more than you ever could; you've shown that to me now." I didn't reply. I didn't even know if he was wrong anymore.

~x~

"I believe we have things to discuss."

My mind laughed at how Harry almost jumped out of his skin when he saw that I was seated beside him in the library. He hadn't noticed me until I spoke and I was sure to eye him dangerously.

"Nikki, I didn't realise that you were there." His voice was rushed as though he was being pushed for answers. All in good time.

"And yet, here I am." I smiled coldly. "Now, the reason I'm here: I want you to tell me _everything _that transpired between you and Draco in that bathroom." I commanded.

"Hasn't _he_ already told you?" He looked quizzical.

"I have yet to speak to Draco...you see, he is still to regain consciousness thanks to you and your embarrassing naivety."

"What do you mean?" His brow furrowed.

"What I mean, _Harry_," I made a point of using his first name to show that he wasn't merely dealing with a house rivalry...he was dealing with _me_ "is weren't you ever taught _not_ to use spells of which you have no idea of the purpose?" I kept my eyes level with his as his green eyes widened.

"How did you kno-"

"_Please_; the expression on your face in the bathroom said it all. You were as shocked at Draco's injuries as I was. Now, _what happened_?" He took his time to speak, as though mentally putting the events in chronological order.

"I followed him into the bathroom and-" He began but I cut him short.

"And _why_ would you do a thing like that?"

"He looked suspicious."

"I see people looking like they're up to no good all the time and yet _I_ manage _not_ to follow them into a lavatory: it's common decency." He was speechless. This was going to be fun. "Go on..."

"Well...anyway...I-I followed him into the bathroom and he was leaning over a sink. I asked him what he was up to and when he turned around...he wasn't _crying_...but he didn't look far off. He told me to mind my own business and I told him..." He leaned closer and lowered his voice "I told him that I _knew_ that he was working for Voldemort."

"And _how_ did you know that?"

"I don't know; I just _knew_. So I told him and he said that I didn't know what I was talking about..and then I said..." He trailed off and looked at me guiltily.

"And then you said _what_?"

"And then I said that it was no wonder that you left him; and that how anybody could ever love him was beyond me."

"You _what_?" How the _fuck_ did he know about me and Draco? I was soon discovering that I was a part of the worst kept secret in Hogwarts...and I didn't like it one bit. "How...?"

"I heard you on the train coming back here." I groaned inwardly; I really needed to get into a habit of using the sound proof charm whenever Draco and I were alone together. "I was visiting Ron and Hermione and on my way back, I saw Draco push you into a carriage..."

"So what? You just decided you'd listen in on a conversation that was _none_ of _your_ concern?" I was livid.

"No...I thought he was hurting you!" I rolled my eyes. "No, _seriously_! I thought he was...you know..._forcing_ you. But then I heard what you were saying, well...bits of it, anyway. I heard you say you basically wanted nothing more to do with him...and then I heard him snap at you and then you left. I didn't really think anything of it; Draco is incapable of giving a shit about _anyone_ except himself." I opened my mouth to object but he wasn't finished. "But then, over the past two months: I've seen the change. I've noticed how he's always looking at you when he knows that you're not watching him...and when you do glance his way, he acts as though he doesn't even know you're there...and how-"

"Enough." I cut him off. "What did Draco do after you said what you said...about me?"

"He cast a Cruciatus curse at me...but he missed. And then we duelled for a bit; not one of us actually _hitting_ the other...and then I hit him." He looked down at his lap solemnly.

"Where did you find the curse?" I interrogated.

"It was scribbled up the side of an old Potions textbook."

"Burn the book...and speak of this to no one." And with that, I left Harry Potter bewildered.

~x~

**Hi guys! Sorry it took me so long to update; I've got my AS Level exams soon so I'm having difficulties finding time to write. Already halfway through the next chapter so it should be up soon. Please REVIEW and let me know what you think. I'd also like to thank people for sticking with this story; even though it's nearly two years in the making.**

**Love you guys, **

**musicmeanslove**


	14. You Said That You Could Let It Go

Chapter Fourteen: You Said That You Could Let It Go

_I don't want to live that way; reading into every word you say  
You said that you could let it go  
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know  
But you didn't have to cut me off  
Make out like we never happened and that we were nothing  
I don't even need your love _

_Gotye Feat. Kimbra – Somebody That I Used To Know_

"So he _knew_ about you two?"

Blaise questioned; confusion smeared across his flawless Italian features. It was the day after my talk with Harry and I had asked Blaise to meet me in an empty classroom in the dungeons in order discuss the contents of what Harry had revealed. Blaise appeared to be as shocked as I had been about Harry's knowledge of the situation between Draco and I.

"He didn't know _everything_: only the gist of what transpired between us on the train when we were coming back here after winter break."

"But _how_?"

"It would appear that the 'Golden Boy' was eavesdropping and _spying_ on Draco." I said, the obvious anger I felt towards the entire situation laced throughout my voice.

Draco had awoken not an hour after I had left his side the previous day; his wounds having fully healed. According to Blaise, the 'Slytherin Prince' had gathered his possessions and vacated the Infirmary almost immediately after he had regained consciousness; not waiting even to get the all-clear from Madam Pomfrey. Draco had asked Blaise how many people knew about his injuries, who those people were and what had happened after he had blacked out. As soon as he had his answers, he stalked off into his dormitory and no one had seen or heard from him since. Strange, _strange_ boy.

"The smug little _fuck_," Blaise fumed "What makes him think he has the _right_ to pry into other people's business?"

"Don't worry; I told him _exactly_ what my views were on what he did." I informed Blaise. "Anyway, still no sign of Draco?"

Blaise shook his head "Nothing."

"I'm sure it's nothing to worry about; he's probably off sulking because _Potter_ rendered him unconscious."

"Yeah...you're probably right." Blaise agreed although neither of us sounded too convinced. "So, what are you doing for the Easter Holidays?" There was only four school days left until the two week mid-spring break.

"I'm staying here, actually." I noticed how Blaise's eyebrows raised and so I elaborated my point. "My father's away on business and I'm behind on a lot of work so I thought it's be best just to stay here. Plus, I think it'll be nice; two weeks of quiet. I think it's what I need. What about you?"

"Mother's getting married again...in Venice." Blaise rolled his eyes and I stifled a chuckle.

"What number's she on now?"

"This'll be number eight. Merlin, he doesn't even speak _English_!" I laughed at the Italian boy's anguish with his mother's marital status. Ms. Zabini was beautiful...and a hopeless romantic who wasn't afraid to skip straight to the vows.

"I'm sure you'll have a great time. I hear that Venice is beautiful. Plus, isn't Theo going with you?" I suddenly remembered Theo mentioning something about Venice in passing.

"Well yeah...actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. Me and Theo were talking and we thought it'd be good if you and Daphne came along: we could make a trip of it. I know its short notice, but think of how great it'd be!"

"_Venice_? Are you _serious_?" My head was suddenly filled with warm and happy premonitions of sunbathing by the water and wearing beautiful Italian dresses. "Wait..." My premonitions suddenly faded. "_He's_ not going, is he?"

"No, no, no. Don't worry: I know how awkward and tense that'd be. That's _no one's_ idea of fun. He's staying home with Narcissa; Merlin knows she's been going through I shit time."

"I can imagine," I agreed.

"So...are you in?

I was going to tell him that I would think about it; that I'd talk to Daphne and get back to him on it. But then I realised just how _much_ I needed a break. A break from school, from secrets and most of all, I needed a break from all things that reminded me of Draco Malfoy. So before I knew what was happening, I found myself beaming at Blaise; my reply already on my lips.

"I'm in.

~x~

It was all arranged. Blaise, Theo, Daphne and I were all heading off to the beautiful Venice for a (no doubt) glorious ten days. We would leave on the Saturday morning, the day after we returned home from Hogwarts and would apparate straight there. Blaise's mother had booked us into the penthouse suite of a five star hotel with four bedrooms, a veranda with a private pool and luxurious views over the whole of Venice. The wedding would take place a week into the holiday and would be held on the function veranda of the hotel. I was too excited for words.

Only a day had gone by since I had been formally invited and I had already spent half the night on the phone to various designer catalogues informing them of _exactly_ what I wanted. All clothing was set to arrive on the Friday morning which would give me and Maria all of Friday evening to pack them. Daphne had been doing exactly the same as me. I had owled my Father informing him of my change of plans and he had notified the school. It was official; in less than a week's time I would be lying on a sun lounger drinking a martini and would have left all my problems in miserable England.

It was now just a matter of tying up my many loose ends before leaving for the beautiful sunshine in order for me to truly immerse myself in the stress free holiday. I was currently waiting by the lake and was in the process of sorting out one of those loose ends; I hadn't spoken to Ron since I discovered Draco in the bathroom. I had owled him asking him to meet me in our usual place at seven o'clock. He hadn't replied. But I went anyway, in the hope that he just hadn't had the time to reply but still planned on coming.

"What do you want, Nikki?"

I sighed in relief at the familiar voice and turned around to face Ronald Weasley...a rather pissed off looking Ronald Weasley to be exact. His hair was a tousled flame of red and his hands were stuffed into his pockets almost ignorantly. He avoided my gaze and instead looked slightly to the left of my face as though he was proving some kind of _point_ by not meeting my eyes. What on _earth_ could have made him act like _this_? Then I realised...Harry had obviously told him _everything._

"Ron...I was going to tell you, I-" I began but he was having none of it.

"Yeah? Well you didn't, did you? And I don't _care_ about the fact that you didn't tell me! I care about the fact that you're_ involved_ with Draco _fucking_ Malfoy!"

"I'm not...not anymore," I tried.

"But you _were_! And you're still fucking hooked on him! Everything made sense the _second_ his name came into the equation! _He's_ the reason you were drinking alone in that bar the first time I met you! _He's_ the reason you're always so quiet in Potions and Defence Against The Dark Arts! _He's_ the reason you're always looking around to see if anyone's looking at you! You've been hoping that _he's_ been looking!" Ron seethed and made me feel ashamed of myself.

"You don't understand," I started.

"Then _make_ me!"

"What Draco and I have..._had_ was a fucked up _thing_ that neither of us fully understood. If it had carried on; it would've been the demise of both of us and so I stopped it before it even properly began."

"Then tell me why, Nikki, did you sit by his bedside for a whole fucking _day_ when Harry knocked him out cold?" Ron probed and I struggled to find the words to reply.

"I needed to see for myself that he was going to be okay." I breathed out, barely louder than a whisper. Ron heard every syllable.

"_Why_?"

"I don't fucking_ know_!" I screamed, unable to control myself anymore. "_Okay_? I have no fucking _idea_ why I feel the way I feel and why I do the things that I do around Draco but I don't think about them; I just _act_! I can't _help_ it! I don't _want_ to help it!" The sheer honesty coming from my lips scared me so much that I suddenly fell silent; shocked by my own confession.

"Merlin, you love him, don't you?" My gut instinct was to deny it.

"I don't know." I breathed out and lifted a hand to my forehead.

"I'm sorry that you're in love with him, Nikki; I really am." Ron's voice had softened but it was still obvious that we weren't back to normal. I didn't think we ever would be again. "Because you're going to follow him right to your own death...and I can't be around to watch it." I didn't watch him leave. I simply gazed out onto the moonlight lake and drowned myself in his words.

He was right.

Being in love with Draco Malfoy, would one day be the hand that killed me.

~x~

"I'm not happy about this, you know."

Maria looked at me with concern all over her face as she helped me pack my luggage for Venice. The last few days of school had flown by and before I knew it, I had bid farewell to my fellow students and was once again safe and sound inside my beloved London townhouse...not for long though.

"I know you're not." I said simply as I began to place several of my new bikinis into my large Louis Vuiton suitcase.

"You're sharing a suite with two teenage _boys_, for the love of Merlin! What you're Father was thinking when he agreed to this; I'll never ever know." My house keeper shook her head to herself in dismay as she packed the shoes I had laid out on the bed.

"A. It's not like I'm the _only_ female going! Daphne's going to be by my side the entire time! And B. I'm sure my Father was thinking how a holiday in the sun with my friends is just what I need right now." I stated.

"But, you've only just come out of _hospital_!" Maria reasoned.

"That was three _months _ago! Plus, Daphne knows all of your contact details so should anything happen; you'll probably know before I do... although all of that is unnecessary because _nothing_ is going to happen. I'm going to be just fine. Better, actually...I'm going to be _happy_ and stress free. I can't wait!" I grinned from ear to ear just to prove my point.

"You've clearly got your mind set on this...which means that there's no way on earth that I can talk you out of it." Maria chuckled. "I know you'll be fine," she sighed "I just worry about you; you can be so naive at times...it scares me." She looked down and I knew that her tear ducts were creaking open. I never felt more awkward than when Maria began to cry...I just didn't know what to do with myself. A hug as probably all she needed...but I was _not_ a hugger. My one armed hugs just made things worse.

"I'll be _fine_." I stressed my point as I pretended that I didn't know that she was crying.

"I know." She sniffled.

"I'm just going to get my toothbrush and stuff; I'll be back in a minute." I excused myself from the awkward situation and hurried into my ensuite bathroom, closing the door behind me. Father was already in New York, so there was no one in the house except Maria and I. She had promised me that my last night in England would be enjoyable; she made it sound like I was migrating to the North Pole or something.

"Nikkia! An owl has just arrived for you!" Maria's voice sounded chirpy and maternal; it sounded back to normal. I exited the bathroom and walked to my window where I immediately saw a small package on the large window sill. There was no owl which was unusual.

"Did you see the owl?" I asked Maria, not taking my eyes of the silver wrapped package once.

"Not well; I think it was black but I couldn't be certain."

"Maria, will you go downstairs and fetch the rest of the Dolce & Gabanna delivery?" For some strange reason, I felt the need to open the parcel alone.

"Of course, Nikkia." She was gone in an instant.

Hesitantly, I opened the window and reached out to take the silver parcel in my hand. The cold paper was shiny as I brought it into the light and gave away no clues to its inner contents. Giving up on patience, I tore open the paper.

I stared down at the one hundred millilitre bottle of Chanel No.5. I had worn that perfume every single day since I was thirteen. It was one of Maria's top priorities to ensure that I always had a full supply of the beautiful perfume. They say you can't buy class? Well you can, and it comes in the form of Chanel No.5. But who could've sent me this? I searched every square centimetre of the silver wrapping paper but there was no ink on in at all. I knew that it wasn't my Father, he wouldn't know up from down in a perfume shop.

It wasn't a big deal or anything; the perfume that I wore wasn't exactly my biggest secret. But why would someone send me a bottle of my favourite scent without leaving me any clue as to who they were. I eyed the bottle of perfume as though it were about to explode and set it down on my dressing table. I don't know why, but my mind continued to conclude to a certain blonde haired Slytherin.

~x~

The heat washed over my body like an exquisite wave as the Italian sun rays first hit my skin. Venice was beautiful. It was everything I had always pictured it to be and more. We apparated just by the river; to the left of a classic and expensive looking hotel that docked straight onto the water. Daphne and I shared a smile so wide that my cheeks hurt as we followed Blaise up the marble steps towards the spinning glass doors. The colour of the sky was amazingly vivid and there was not a cloud in sight.

I was in heaven.

Upon entering the grand hotel lobby, Blaise spoke in fluent Italian to the receptionist and soon enough, our luggage was loaded into golden carts and we were stood in the air conditioned lift, flying up towards the penthouse suite.

"I can't believe we're _actually_ here!" Daphne squealed. "Thank you so much for inviting us, Blaise." She beamed at the Italian.

"No problem; I was planning on it right from the start anyway. I mean, we all get on so well that we should really try and do more stuff outside of school." Blaise shrugged as he took his tailored cream jacket off.

"You're right," Theo agreed. "I mean, last summer at Nikki's party, us four and Draco had a right laugh. It's a shame he couldn't come, actually. I bet he's gutted that he had to turn _this_ down." As soon as Draco's name was mentioned; an awkward atmosphere smothered the inhabitants of the lift. Theo was the only one who was completely unaware of mine and Draco's past involvement with one another. Blaise and Daphne looked at the floor. I couldn't help but suppress a slight smirk at their reactions. I made a mental note that by the end of our time in Venice, I would have to tell Theo about my...situation.

And then the lift doors opened...and everything else was forgotten.

The penthouse was _huge_.

The lift opened into a sort of lobby area with double glass doors straight in front of it. Beyond those double glass doors was a room eight times the size of my room at home which served as an open plan living/kitchen/dining area. In the centre of the room there was a glass dining table with six elegant seats positioned around it and an outrageously elegant chandelier hanging directly above it. To the far left of the room there was the white marble kitchen with an island in the middle and three barstools stood behind it. The fridge looked big enough to harbour a fugitive in.

To the far right was the living area. A gigantic modern grey corner sofa surrounded a sheer glass coffee table. There was a large television (a muggle device) on the wall but I doubted that that would be used at all. I wouldn't even know where to begin. The wall opposite the double glass doors wasn't a wall at all. The veranda was the size of the room and there was no wall in between; you simply took one step and you were outside. I noticed shutters on either side of the room which meant that the veranda could be separated.

Outside, a large rectangular pool was situated on the right of the veranda whilst on the left was a circular wooden table with six matching chairs around it and a large sunshade above it. The place was a work of art. No other term could be used to describe it.

"Whoa." Daphne whispered and Theo whistled under his breath. I simply stood in speechless awe as I took in my new surroundings.

"Right guys," Blaise began after he tipped the hotel staff generously "There's two bedrooms to the right and two to the left. They're all the same size so you can take your pick." He had barely finished his sentence when we all ran towards our preferred rooms. I instantly targeted the room on the right that was closest to the veranda and therefore the pool. A hotel worker followed me with my bags.

I opened the pine wood door and once again stood sill in pure amazement. The room was the definition of class. A king sized four poster bed made from white wood was the main focus of the room with light blue silk sheets and a white faux fur throw. There was an old fashioned dressing table to the left of the bed with countless perfumes waiting to be used. I couldn't help but feel at home when I spotted my favourite; Chanel No.5. The white wardrobe could have probably held another dimension, it was so big. The whole place _screamed_ sunny vacation. I _loved_ it!

"Madam, Arielle and I will unpack your luggage. Please, relax and enjoy yourself." The Hotel worker whose name badge read Michael smiled warmly at me.

"Thank you," I returned the smile before heading back out of my room and onto the veranda.

"This place is something else, isn't it?" Theo was already outside, a camera in his hands as he stared out over the city of Venice.

"It's incredible." I agreed as I leaned on the stone railing beside him.

"I feel bad for Draco; I'd hate to miss _this_." Once again, I felt uneasy when his name was brought into the conversation. "I'm worried about him, you know. Draco, I mean. He's been different lately. He's not doing his prefect duty, he's missed loads of assignments...and lately he's become...kind of distant."

"How so?" I couldn't help myself, I was intrigued to hear Theo's point of view.

"I don't know, he's just not as _focused_ as he was before. Something must've happened over Christmas break; he was just fine before then."

I didn't reply. So even Theo had noticed Draco's apparent 'change' over the past few months. It was like my head was spinning. When did everything become so completely fucked up? It had been so simple, so _easy_; end things with Draco so he could _survive_. But now...I didn't fully understand _anything_ anymore. Was Draco better off knowing that I was there for him? Or was this all just another one of his weird mind games?

"So, guys," Blaise addressed us from behind and I turned around to see that he and Daphne had joined us on the veranda "Do you like the suite?"

"Are you kidding?" Daphne squealed in delight. "It's _fantastic_!"

"I'm glad you like it," Blaise smirked, showing off his blatant modesty. "Now, what do you say we test out this pool?"

~x~

Three days flew by in a blur of pure bliss and serenity. During the day, we barely left the comfort of our suite and why would we? What with the divine room service that catered to our every need at a minute's notice. The hotel was a muggle hotel also; which meant that when dining in the five star restaurant on the ground floor; talk of the wizarding world had to be hushed and concealed. The other guests clearly despised us. They were probably just jealous that four teenagers could afford a bigger room than them.

The hotel staff treated us like Olympian Gods. The first night we spent in Venice, Daphne and I ordered for a masseuse at four o'clock in the morning! Two rather good looking Italian young men were at our door in less than five minutes carrying fold up massage tables and an assortment of therapeutic oils and candles. And although they probably wanted us to burn in hell for making them work that early in the morning; they never broke the 'happy to help' facade once. And Merlin could they work wonders with their hands! I was so relaxed by the end of the massage that I couldn't even make it to my bedroom! Instead, I simply collapse on the plush grey couch cushions (which were just as comfy as the king sized bed).

We ate out every night, twice at the hotel restaurant and once at a restaurant which was located on a large boat. We were always instantly given the _best_ table that there was to offer, much to the dismay of the people who waited half an hour for a completely passable table. I had to admit; I revelled in their envy. I often wondered what my life would have been like had my mother still been alive. Her family had always embraced their blue blood far more than my father's ever did and I wondered if, had she not have died, my life would be a constant blur of ball gowns, diamonds and fine cuisine. I had to admit; I could imagine getting used to that sort of lifestyle _very_ quickly.

Blaise had pulled out all the stops and every day around noon, two hotel employees would walk into the suite with a clothes rack between them filled with the most beautiful ball gowns and cocktail dresses for Daphne and I to choose from. It was like a silky rainbow heaven. Daphne and I would always try on every single garment of clothing and would give our thoughts and opinions. Blaise and Theo would retreat to the veranda; they knew full well that there was no place for boys when Daphne and I entered 'shopping mode' as Blaise liked to call it.

We were currently seated at our usual table in the hotel restaurant. The table was in a room just off of the main dining area but the oak wood double doors remained open unless we preferred otherwise. The table was far away enough so that no one could accidentally eavesdrop...but close enough so that everyone could see that _we_ were sat at the best table in the place. It was perfect.

I wore a deep blue silk cocktail dress which had an A-line neck and a tight fitting skirt of which the hem stopped just below my knees. On my feet were black peep-toe suede wedged boots and in my hand was a simple black silk clutch bag with the only decoration being a large bow. My hair was set in loose curls and swept over my right shoulder and my make up was minimal yet classy and elegant. My outfit _screamed_ 'old money' and at that moment, I wouldn't have had it any other way.

"So...I was thinking we could hit the town after this?" Blaise suggested before taking a bite from his steak.

"The 'town'?" I questioned him incredulously. "Don't get me wrong, but I don't exactly recall Venice being renowned for its amazing teenage night life?"

"And I don't really like muggle clubs; I feel like I can't be myself." Daphne admitted as she took a sip from her wine.

"You think I'd take you to a _muggle_ club? How rude do you think I am?" Theo chuckled at Blaise's disgusted expression. "There's actually a wizarding place here; it's pretty decent too."

"To be honest with you mate; I'm shattered." Theo confessed and Daphne and I nodded in agrrement. "Plus, we're all dressed a bit fancy for a club, don't you think?"

"Yeah, you're right...we'll go tomorrow though; we'll order room service for dinner and then head straight out." Blaise compromised. "Deal?"

"Deal." Theo, Daphne and I spoke in unison.

~x~

I awoke with a start and bolted upright in my bed. I couldn't remember my dream...but the way my body was shaking all over informed me that whatever it was; it hadn't been pretty. The room was dark but not pitch black. The thin curtains allowed the moonlight to flow into the room giving me a clear depiction of every dark corner and shadowy crevice. I sighed and brought a hand up to my forehead. I hadn't had a nightmare since I was a mere toddler...and the fact that I didn't remember what I had seen made it all the scarier; as though my mind had _blocked_ it out purposefully.

Sighing, I reached out towards the glass on the bedside table and brought it to my lips. I groaned when I felt the sensation of absolutely nothing at all touch my lips and huffed as I placed the empty glass back on the wooden surface. I leant back against the pillows but changed my mind quickly and slipped out of the bed, wincing as the cold wooden floor made contact with my bare feet. I was wearing matching pyjamas for what may have been the _first_ time in my entire life. Maria's face had fallen when she saw me packing my usual odd baggy tee shirts and shorts and before I knew what was happening, parcels full of silk and satin were being delivered to my front door. The camisole top was wispy and flowed out beneath my breasts. The shorts were tight and fitting and barely reached my mid thigh. I had no idea how in Merlin's name Maria deemed these more 'appropriate'...I looked like I was modelling Victoria Secret's newest sinfully erotic line.

The suite was silent apart from the soft call of the night's breeze. We left the veranda doors open at night; it wasn't as though anybody could get in or anything. But I regretted the decision as the cold air hit my bare arms and legs. I found myself practically sprinting to the kitchen sink in order to make the mission pass as quickly as possible. The water running from the tap disrupted the silence and somehow, when I turned off the tap, the room seemed to grow quieter than it was before...if that was even possible. It was only when I was heading back to my room that I noticed something was wrong.

I looked around me but there was nothing out of the ordinary. There was no one else in the suite...well, except for the three sleeping bodies in the bedrooms. So what was it? It was then that I just so happened to glance out at the veranda.

And suddenly I couldn't breathe.

His back was to me but he probably knew I was there; he always did.

Before I fully understood what was happening, my feet took control of my body and I was slowly drifting closer towards him. I hadn't heard him speak since our conversation on the train, hadn't seen his pearly grey eyes since what felt like forever ago.

I stopped abruptly, about three feet away from him.

I made up my mind to just turn back around and go back to my comfy bed and forget this ever happened.

"What are you doing here, Draco?"

My mouth clearly had other ideas.

~x~

**So guys, what did you think?**

**Please REVIEW and let me know as I love hearing from you. I've never been to Venice so if I get anything wrong, please don't be maaaad! Next chapter should be up soon. Have fun with that cliff hanger, hehehe...**

**Lots of love, **

**musicmeanslove**


	15. I Will Become What I Deserve

Chapter Fifteen: I Will Become What I Deserve

_I've been worrying that my time is a little unclear  
I've been worrying that I'm losing the ones I hold dear  
I've been worrying that we all lives in the confines of fear  
I will become what I deserve_

_Ben Howard – The Fear_

"What are you doing here, Draco?"

The words hung in the air like a heavy atmospheric wave as I slowly moved to the right of him until my body was flushed against the balcony rail. I stood about two feet away from him, careful to keep my distance. He didn't answer straight away and I saw that he was in the middle of having a cigarette. He was dressed all in black as per usual and looked impeccably smart in his all black suit. His collar was done up to the top and a skinny black tie hung from his neck. I had noticed that when venturing outside the walls of Malfoy Manor, Draco never failed to look anything less than perfect. It wasn't like he looked up all the latest fashion trends or anything; he just seemed to _make _the simple suit seem elegant and at the same time, almost _dangerous._ Like he was a crooked businessman or a part of the Mafia.

His hair fell naturally dishevelled but he still managed to look heart breakingly handsome. In some ways; I envied him. I only _wished_ that I could leave the house without making an effort and always manage to look practically mouth watering. He took a long drag of his cigarette and exhaled slowly before he finally answered my lingering question.

"I was invited." He didn't look at me as he spoke and continued with his nonchalant demeanour.

"You said that you couldn't come."

"I changed my mind." Another drag. I was about to ask him why but he abruptly changed the subject. "I assume you liked my gift? I do believe it's the same perfume you wore throughout the twenty three hours I was unconscious; the twenty three hours that you didn't leave my side." He looked at me then and his face was emotionless; the glint in his eyes unrelatable and distant. "Do you _really_ think I wouldn't _know_?" I was speechless. "Please, Nikkia. You've worn that perfume every day of your life since you were twelve; do you _really_ think I wouldn't notice that my whole left side _reeked_ of it?"

"I-" I tried to begin but he wouldn't allow it.

"I have to hand it to you; I _really_ believed what you said on the train. You fooled me well." He took a step closer and I looked at the ground. He tilted my head up via my chin and I flinched when I saw that he was less than a foot away from me. "So, clearly you were lying...but the question is, why?"

I knew that I couldn't tell him that Snape had come to me. He would go mental and accuse me of selling myself out to the dark side. But I knew that if I lied he would see through my story. "I did what was best for you."

He laughed.

"Oh _really_? It didn't have _anything_ to do with the information that Snape passed onto you?" _Shit._ I should have known that he already knew everything.

"How do you know that?" There was no point in denying it.

"Snape told me when he realised that his plan hadn't worked."

"You mean you haven't completed your task?"

"Oh don't you worry about that, Nikkia. Everything has been going swimmingly since I realised you had been lying through that pretty little mouth of yours." He tapped his fingertip on my lower lip and I flinched. I _despised_ how weak he made me. I took a step back and shook my head.

"Well that's great, Draco. But I don't regret what I did. Snape told me you were going to _die_ if you weren't focused! What was I supposed to do?"

"If you had any common sense you would have discussed it with _me_." He still didn't raise his voice even though I had long ago. "But instead you went behind my back and mark my words; you will pay for that betrayal."

"Come on; it was hardly a 'betrayal'." I scoffed. "I tried to save your life!"

"You listened to another man's judgement without even _asking_ for mine." He shrugged. I was growing more and more frustrated with his lack of emotional response.

"Are you kidding me? Is _that_ was this is really all about? Are we really back to you think you 'own' me?"

"I do own you. I've told you once and I will tell you until the day your heart stops beating; _you are mine_."

"So what now? If I'm '_yours_'; what do you plan to do with me?" My jaw locked in anger.

"Why, Nikkia." He stepped closer again and caressed my cheek lightly with the back of his hands. "Beautiful, Nikkia." He murmured. "I'm going to make you rue the very day you _ever_ dared to betray me."

~x~

Breakfast was..._painful_ to say the least. Blaise and Theo's faces had lit up when they stepped out onto the veranda and saw Draco sat at the wooden table; scanning his eyes over The Daily Prophet. Daphne had come to my room instantly but I told her that I already knew. I didn't reveal the _full_ contents of my last discussion with Draco but she was given the gist that I was not happy with the results.

After Draco had delivered his final blow the previous night; I had quickly headed back to my room. I had been completely speechless and so I ran away like a dog with its tail in between its legs; ashamed and embarrassed. Draco had declared war. And I knew him well enough to know that he would stop at _nothing_ to ensure that I paid for my supposed 'betrayal'. The worst part was, after our discussion, I realised that I understood his point of view on the whole situation. I wouldn't have been so harsh to call it a betrayal as such but I knew very well that had he done to me what I did to him; _anger_ wouldn't cover what I would've felt. But that didn't mean that I could just lie down and take his attacks. If it was a war that Draco wanted then it would be a war that he would get.

"Why didn't you tell us you were coming? I would've gotten a bigger suite," I scoffed silently as Blaise questioned Draco; as if there was a suite in Venice _bigger_ than the one we currently occupied.

"I didn't even know myself until last night, Blaise." Draco spoke with an arrogant demeanour. I rolled my eyes. "Mother decided some time in France was needed the other day and so I was on my own. I planned on using the time to get on with some work but..."He caught my eye and a smirk settled on his lips. "I'm now ahead of schedule and I thought I deserved a break to have some _fun_."

I rolled my eyes at his subtle jab at me and led down on the white sun lounger next to the pool. I really could not be bothered with Draco Malfoy when he was behaving like such a child. I was still in my pyjamas but I didn't care; I _refused_ to sit at the table with him. That would mean a risk of eye contact riddled with hidden meanings and it was far too early on in the day to try and decode Draco's thought process.

It happened so fast. One second I was perfectly content in my misery as I soaked up the sun rays and the next I found myself submerged in the pool water, my pyjamas floating around me in their new unusual habitat. I coughed and spluttered as the water intruded in my lungs. My feet automatically pushed against the heated pool floor tiles and I propelled up towards the surface. The beautiful oxygen that filled my lungs as soon as I broke the surface of the water was heaven sent. It took me a few minutes to fully comprehend what had just happened before the booming laughter found my ears and I turned around to face the wooden table.

Blaise and Theo were in hysterics. Blaise was slamming his fist against the table and clutching his chest as though the laughter was killing him whilst comedic tears streamed down Theo's peachy face as his body twitched and turned out of his control. There was no differ in Draco's stance apart from the smirk that was placed on his cruel lips and the way his pearl grey eyes were now piercing mine.

The war had begun.

~x~

"Good afternoon, boys; beautiful day for a swim. Don't you think?" I asked the troublesome trio as I sauntered onto the veranda a few hours after Draco had charmed me into the pool.

"But, Nikki...you've _already_ been..." I watched bemusedly as Blaise glanced in my direction and his mocking words died in his throat. "Whoa."

I was never a fan of bikinis. I _always_ preferred one piece swimsuits that were unique and extremely high trend. I loved small cut outs and thin straps but I never relished in the idea of prancing around in a bikini that showed more than my underwear. But today; exceptions were necessary. The bikini was black and skimpy. Need I say more?

I suppressed a smile as I heard Theo whistle under his breath. "You...umm...Is that...Is that new?" Theo coughed half way through his sentence in order to make his voice sound more masculine.

"Oh, this old thing?" I gestured over my body. "Na, I've had it for quite some time now." I said nonchalantly, glad that they could not see my lying eyes through my dark aviator sunglasses. In reality, as soon as I had dried myself earlier that morning, I had rung the front desk and demanded that someone get me the most revealing (yet tasteful, I wasn't completely void of dignity) bikini they could find. It had arrived in less than fifteen minutes.

I had pieced the bikini with summery black high wedged sandals in order to make my legs look long and never ending and I wore a straw pork pie hat on my head, my long blonde hair flowing freely down my back. A sheer light blue shirt hung open and loose around my shoulders. Being as small and petite as I was; I had never been blessed with the gift of voluptuous curves. I always hated the way that I had hardly hips and I had anything but an hourglass figure. And so, the bikini top was under wired, giving the world the impression that I had the best cleavage in the world.

I stopped by the pool and bent down to take off my wedges before slowly slipping out of my blouse. My sunglasses and hat were soon discarded onto a sun bed leaving me in nothing but the..._risqué _bathing suit. Knowing that the boys' eyes would be trained solely on me; I gracefully swan dived into the clear blue water, letting my body slide across the pool before surfacing and smoothing my wet hair down with both of my hands, my eyes trained on the boys' comically bewildered expressions. I avoided Draco's gaze.

"Anyone fancy accompanying me?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Definitely," Blaise breathed with wide eyes as he jumped up from his seat and practically _sprinted_ towards the pool, stripping off his navy blue polo shirt as he did so. Theo was on his heels, copying his friend's actions. I giggled coyly as the two boys splashed into the water beside me. Only then did I gaze at Draco. I smiled slightly as Draco glared directly at me.

Game on.

~x~

"Come on, Nikki! We're all waiting on you!" Daphne called from the main room later on that evening. We were finally going to see if this 'amazing wizarding club' was all that Blaise had made it out to be. We had ordered room service as Blaise had suggested, but I had hardly touched any of the luxurious food from the hotel. I was planning on getting drunk that night, and I couldn't do that on a full stomach. Daphne had eyed me suspiciously and so I had eaten a pasty; just to keep her satisfied.

I was standing in front of the floor length mirror in my hotel room. I _needed_ to look perfect tonight. Most girls who were trying to make someone jealous would have gone for the most revealing, sluttiest outfit they could find but not me. I knew well that blue blooded rich boys occasionally fucked skanks, yes...but I also knew that blue blooded rich boys fell in love with girls who were classy and poised. Plus, I was anything but a skank. I wore a pale blue tailored dress which had a square neckline, tucked in at my hips and hugged my thighs. The hem hit just below my knee making my legs look shapely and thin. At the waist a small layer of fabric flared out over the skirt making my hips look curvy and full. On my feet I wore light grey suede platform wedges and around my neck was a silver necklace with a tiny snake charm hanging from it. My hair was curled in loose romantic curls and my natural make up was flawless. I smiled slightly at my reflection; deeming myself ready before stepping out into the main hall.

"Wow, Nik. You look stunning. I love your dress!" Daphne linked her arm through my own as soon as I stepped out of my room. I had found that over the past few months, my entire wardrobe had become more elegant and reflective of my class than before. Daphne looked a vision in a pale pink strapless dress that flowed out at her hips in wisps of fabric and hit just above her knee. Her sandy brown hair was in a classic up do and on her feet were silver strappy stilettos.

"You look lovely, Daphne. And thank you; it's Prada." I beamed at my best friend as we walked to the elevator. "Where are the guys?" I furrowed my brow at the empty apartment.

"Oh, they went down already; I think Blaise said something about sorting out the boat or something." She said vaguely as she pressed the button to call the lift. "Anyway, I'm glad that I can get you alone for a minute. I have some things to ask you." She ushered me into the lift as soon as the door slid smoothly open. "First things first; did you know that Draco was coming?"

"_What_?" I looked at her in horror. "I had absolutely _no__idea_! How could you even think that?"

"I _knew_ you wouldn't; I was just double checking. I can never be sure with you." She recovered and my face softened. "So have you spoken to him? _Properly_, I mean?"

"We spoke last night; I was getting myself a glass of water and I saw him stood at the balcony." The lift lurched downwards.

"_And_?" Daphne probed.

"_And..._I don't want to talk about it." I said blankly.

"Okay," Daphne did not put up a fight like you would expect from a young woman of her calibre; she understood me. Daphne understood that I was not one to sing like a canary and spill out all my feelings and emotions. She understood that I would tell her when I was ready...and even then it would be a brief outline and that would be the best she would get out of me.

The quiet 'ping' of the lift was heard just before the golden door slid open and the grand foyer was revealed to us. The whole hotel lobby was a vision of marble floors and oil paintings. The large curved marble reception desk was located directly opposite the lift and I could see the back of Blaise as he conversed with one of the pretty receptionists.

"Ladies; you both look lovely tonight, if I do say so myself." Theo beamed as he and Draco rose from where they had been seated to the left of reception.

"You look extremely suave, yourself." I smiled slightly as I complimented him. Theo did a flashy spin on the spot and Daphne giggled. "You too, Draco." I turned to the smirking Slytherin. "Nice to see you in black..._for a change_." I mocked his black suit; seriously, did he have any other clothes? Daphne and Theo were too wrapped up in their own flirting to notice our sarcastic exchange.

"Nice to see you _decent_...for a change." Draco cocked his head and smirked. I smiled as he referred to my choice of swim suit earlier on in the day. Clearly, my plan had worked.

"I thought that you would have realised by now..." I walked closer to him, my heels clicking against the marble floor, and leaned in close to his ear. "I'm _never_ decent." I leaned back and winked coyly before turning on my heel and heading over to where Blaise was. "Are we all set to go?" I had clearly intruded on Blaise flirting with the receptionist. He looked at me startled.

"We sure are. Arielle here has sorted out every last detail." He smiled at the receptionist and I could almost hear her heart rate increase dramatically. "Follow me out to the boat." Blaise led the way and we all followed his footsteps out of the glass reception doors to the hotel's private dock. Waiting for us there was a medium sized stylish and sleek white speed boat. "Our carriage awaits!" Blaise announced excitedly before stepping back to ensure we all stepped onto the boat safely.

~x~

The club was called _Black Magik_; and it was completely deserving of its name. The only light was the flashing neon fires that hovered above the crowd of bodies that were jumping and swaying to the heavy dub step beat that pulsed around the enclosed space. I closed my eyes as we stilled on the outskirts of the dance floor and breathed in the hypnotising atmosphere, revelling in the feel of the heavy beat pulsing through my body from the floor. It was dark, it was grungy and it was beautiful.

_And_, looking around the room, I could see that the five of us were by far the highest class there. It may sound snobbish; but that did not make it any less true. Over the past few months I had grown to adore my higher status in life. To walk around the halls of Hogwarts and know that you were envied and worshipped by so many of your peers was really an intoxicating feeling. It amazed me how much I had changed over the past year.

"Five Fire Whiskeys," Blaise ordered for us and had to shout over the pumping music at the bartender, a tall tanned young woman with a short black pixie hair cut.

"Certainly, Sir." The place may not have been the most elegant in the world; but even these working class witches and wizards could see that we were a cut above the rest. I didn't feel out of place; I felt like a goddess.

"Here," Theo handed me a Fire Whiskey shot.

"To a good holiday, great friends and limitless bank accounts!" Blaise toasted and we all cheered as we clinked our glasses together before swinging the liquid down our throats. The whiskey burned slightly as it coursed through my body; a feeling I had grown accustomed to long ago.

"Up for a dance?" Theo asked Daphne and I. Daphne's hazel eyes lit up and she nodded enthusiastically.

"I'm good thanks, have fun." I sunk back against the bar.

"You sure?" Daphne asked out of politeness alone.

"I might join you later; I just want another drink." I smiled encouragingly. Theo held out his hand to Daphne who took it willingly. I could see that they were both realising the depth of their feelings for each other. I was happy for them, truly. And at least now I had Blaise to talk to when they wanted some privacy. To confront my idea, I turned to the Italian Slytherin and placed my hand on his shoulder delicately. "Thank you so much for this, Blaise. Seriously." I beamed softly at him.

"You still having a good time with Draco here?" He eyed me, concern spreading across his gloriously tanned features. "I'm sorry, Nik. I honestly had no idea that he was comi-"

"It's fine, Blaise, honestly. I have Theo and Daphne and I have you. It is going to take more than a Malfoy to ruin a holiday with my best friends." Blaise's face lit up when I called him my 'best friend' and I could not help but return his beautiful smile. I glanced around and saw that the blonde in question had slithered off somewhere unknown. I hated myself for the twinge of rejection that punctured my stomach. But I let nothing show; to the outside world, I was as happy as could be. "Are you looking forward to your mother's wedding tomorrow?"

"Not really." Blaise shrugged and took a swig of his butter beer. "I've sat through so many of her weddings that I've grown rather bored and disenchanted by the whole idea."

"The idea of marriage, you mean?"

"Yeah, marriage..." He ran a hand over his short black curls and glanced around the room. "_and_ well...the idea of '_love'_ basically. I've seen so many marriages crumble and fall that I've come to believe that for _me_, love is a fable; a rumour, if you will."

"Blaise," I tilted his chin to meet my gaze and smiled. "One day, you will find someone that will make you forget you ever said that." He smiled for a second, before lowering his gaze once more.

"I thought that you were that someone." He spoke so quietly that I almost didn't hear him over the now ambient club music. "When I first met you, anyway." I was shell shocked. I knew that Blaise had _liked_ me, sure. But I never thought that he was ever actually _serious_ about his feelings. I never thought that he would actually ever be _hurt_ over my actions.

"Blaise...I'm sorry...for _everything _that happened." He looked up at me then, his dark eyes gleaming and flashing in the strobe lighting.

"Wow, a Nikkia Valentine apology!" He smiled and chuckled. "I never knew such a thing existed."

"They are rare; I shall give you that." I leaned in and returned his smile, but I was still waiting for his response.

"It's okay, Nikki." He leaned in closer as though unveiling a secret. "And I'm sorry, too."

"Sorry for what?" My brow furrowed at his uncalled for apology.

"I'm sorry that you are in love with Draco Malfoy. He will be your destruction."

~x~

This was becoming utterly ridiculous. Now both Blaise Zabini and Ronald Weasley had come to the conclusion that I was in love with Draco Malfoy. I, on the other hand, was far from ready to admit my true feelings to _anyone._ I was not even ready to fully admit them to myself. Since I had begun this weird...whatever it was that I had going on with Draco, I had changed drastically. I had become everything he said I was that night in the hospital. I was manipulative, vindictive, hostile and utterly merciless. I was evil; through and through.

But somehow, I did not believe that my change was all Draco Malfoy's doing. I had always felt like there was another side of me, a side that I never revealed to the rest of the world. I could sense it whenever my mind would make snide comments, whenever another's misfortune would make my day brighter, whenever I secretly wanted to ruin someone else's life purely for my own pleasure. I had never once before acted upon these cruel and borderline sociopathic thoughts, but they had always been there; an ever present demon that plagued my mind.

And since beginning my treacherous journey with Draco, these wicked thoughts had become actions. I had knocked down Pansy Parkinson, made my ex therapist suffer a mental breakdown and had forced the great and the golden Harry Potter into submitting to my will and spilling out all of his secrets. I should have been recoiling as I stared at my unflawed reflection in the mirror of the club's toilets, but instead, a slow smirk touched my lips. I was finally free to be what I truly was...

A cold, vindictive bitch.

Except for when I was with Ron. When I was with Ronald Weasley, I was not mean or manipulative. I did not dream of ruining him or using him for anything other than his loyal friendship. I knew that I should have hated the red haired Gryffindor for making me appear so weak and _normal_ but instead, I found myself grateful for his strange powers over me. He was an escape; an oasis of normality and simplicity. With Ronald Weasley, there were no Death Eaters, there was no Voldemort and there was no danger. With Ron it was easy, like breathing; it was natural.

And I had ruined it all. I made a promise then and there to fix my friendship with Ron as soon as I returned to London. I would beg, I would plead and I would dote upon him embarrassingly until he forgave me. I knew that I did not deserve it; but I was far too selfish to give up my friendship with Ron.

"Nikki, we're going!" The toilet door barged open and Daphne appeared all flustered and slightly ruffled after her night of dancing and flirting with Theodore Nott. "We need to be up at eight to get ready for the wedding."

"I'll be out in a moment." She frowned at me. "I'm just re doing my lip gloss." I held up the tube of pale pink lip gloss and she nodded, satisfied that I wasn't making myself sick.

"Why do you even bother? You always look flawless. I'm so jealous of you." It would appear that my best friend was completely wasted.

"Nonsense," I smiled in a maternal manner, "now, go and wait with the others like a good girl." She did not need telling twice as she almost fell back into the club. Daphne was a late bloomer when it came to alcohol and debauchery.

Looking back to my cold, hard reflection, I slowly traced my lips with the lip gloss before smacking my lips together and staring at myself in the mirror. I had not seen Draco at all since we entered the club and I preferred it that way. I smirked to my appearance once more before following Daphne.

~x~

**HELLOOOOOO! So, so, so sorry I have not updated in forever. As I often inform my beautiful best friend, Johanna; with the lack of new Harry Potter books and films, I often get disheartened and cannot find the inspiration to write. But i have discovered that all I have to do is re-watch one of the films or re-read one of the books and I am completely enamoured with Draco Malfoy once again. I have already begun the next chapter so it should be on here soon. Thank you for being so loyal and patient; I love you. **

**Love,**

musicmeanslove 


	16. I Don't Love You But I Always Will

Chapter Sixteen: I Don't Love You But I Always Will

_Your mouth is poison; your mouth is wine  
You think your dreams are the same as mine  
I don't love you but I always will  
I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back  
The less I give, the more I get back  
Your hands can heal; your hands can bruise  
I don't have a choice but I still choose you  
I don't love you but I always will_

The Civil Wars – Poison & Wine  


The wedding location was sheer perfection. The wedding was taking place in the hotel gardens and the whole thing looked like it had been ripped from the cover of a bridal magazine. The garden was shaped in a circle form with the centre of the garden being a large circular wooden wall -less pagoda of sorts which looked like an ancient temple. There were four columns holding the roof of the pagoda and wrapped around the columns were a series of pale pink and white roses. Pale pink and white seemed to be the theme colours of the whole occasion as all of the seats were white with pale pink ribbons along the side and a white carpet was placed along the isle.

I was seated on the fourth row beside Theo and, to my displeasure, Draco Malfoy. Draco and I had not spoken at all the previous night or that very morning and so we had remained silent since we had been shown to our seats over twenty minutes prior. The tension could have been cut with a knife.

Blaise was an usher and so he was standing with the wedding party at the front of the ceremony looking extremely handsome and suave in his dark grey tux and white open collared shirt. Ms. Zabini's future husband stood in front of the altar, a radiant smile plastered on his chubby face as though he believed he was the luckiest man on the planet. Unfortunately, those who knew well of Ms. Zabini, knew not to wish the couple a long and happy marriage. Ms. Zabini's track record gave her eighth marriage an estimated four months in length.

I wore a long and flowing strapless lilac gown which flowed out slightly at my hips and dipped down at the back. The Zabini's were a well recognized name in the blue blooded wizarding society; all of the women were wearing magnificent gowns and the men were all in their finest tuxes. My hair was up in a loose yet tasteful bun at the base of my neck with a few curls escaping here and there. My snake necklace from the previous night hung simply around my exposed neck. Draco wore an expensive looking black suit with a white shirt and a thin black skinny tie. Damn him for looking so beautiful _all_ the time.

Daphne's parents were sat a few rows behind us. They were all a part of the higher wizarding society. My father, too, had received an invitation but he was unable to attend due to work commitments. Draco and Theo's family were nowhere to be seen. It was no surprise. Although half of the guests in attendance were involved in some way with the Dark Lord, to be caught was unforgivable in the higher wizarding society. It was why Theo and Draco had not been invited to attend Professor Slughorn's 'Slug Club'; to be recognized nationally as a Death Eater was to be shamed in society. The chorus of violinists abruptly began to play the wedding march and all of the guests stood and turned to look at the beautiful bride as she made her way down the aisle.

There was no denying that Ms. Zabini was beautiful. Her tanned skin and high cheek bones would be the envy of any woman of her age of...well, no one knew exactly _how_ old she was, but she looked not a day over thirty. Her long voluptuous raven hair fell in thick curls down her narrow shoulders and her dark eyes glistened and sparkled in the beaming sunlight. She was a tall woman with envious curves and a slender figure. Her dress was divine, a floor length master piece of lace and silk. I made a mental note to enquire as to who designed the phenomenal gown.

Ms. Zabini waltzed down the aisle with effortless grace in perfect synchronisation with the music. It was evident that she had done this before; _many _times. Her soon to be husband looked as though he had just inherited a billion galleons. It was a pity he did not know that half of the guests in attendance were taking bets on how long his marriage would last. I had bet one hundred galleons to Daphne that they would last no more than three months.

The ceremony commenced and I had to suppress the sneer that was threatening to overcome my calm and collected features. Whenever came the time that I was to marry; it would be for life. It was a strong belief of mine that wedding vows were things not to be taken lightly. No matter how hard it was; I would work at the relationship. I could not bear the embarrassment and humiliation of a divorce. I would rather not marry at all than marry a man whom I do not fully know or trust.

It was as Ms. Zabini spoke her vows, her voice like smooth velvet, that something changed. My hand, which had been led on my knee, had been flipped upwards and my fingers were now laced with another's. I looked down and saw that I was indeed correct. A pale marble hand was holding mine softly. I followed the arm upwards and saw that it connected to the blonde Slytherin sat beside me who was still looking at the wedding ceremony as though nothing at all was happening. What on _earth_ was he playing at? We were supposed to be at _war_, not holding hands at weddings like a normal..._couple_!

I should have torn my hand away instantly. I should have glared at him. I should have demanded to know what he was doing. I stayed silent. I stayed still. A sudden swell of joy washed over me and my rigid body relaxed back into my chair. I saw Draco smile slightly before turning back to see Ms. Zabini and her latest victim share a steamy kiss that signified their binding union.

~x~

As soon as everyone stood up to applaud the newly married couple, Draco released my hand and we did not speak one word to each other as we made our way through to the reception area. We sat at opposite ends of the table throughout the three course meal and when the music began playing and people began to congregate to the middle of the room, Draco and I remained on separate sides of the dance floor throughout the many dances that occurred.

Theo and Daphne were currently slow dancing along with all the other couples. I could see now that they both knew of their feelings; it was just a matter of conveying them to one another. Blaise was sat by the bar, chatting up an Italian waitress who he would no doubt bring back to the hotel suite later on that evening. I had to hand it to him; Blaise sure did know how to talk to women. I flicked back to Daphne and Theo and my eyes widened instantly.

Daphne and Theo were kissing.

They were still dancing and the kiss seemed soft and gentle; full of love and acceptance. I was instantly overjoyed that they had finally done it; they had finally confronted their feelings. I could not wait to hear all about it from Daph. I knew she would be ecstatic. She had never admitted it to me, but I knew she had been planning their dream wedding since she was five years old. If I was not the maid of honour I was going to go psycho. But then, through my joy, another emotion crept up on me out of nowhere.

Envy.

I quickly stood from my seat and swiftly exited the reception hall through the patio doors. Once outside on the veranda, I placed both hands on the stone rail and gazed out onto the beautiful night city of Venice. I loathed myself for feeling bitter at the happiness of my greatest friends, but I could not help it. I always was a selfish girl. But I wanted what they _had_! I wanted a love that was simple and beautiful and forever...at least I think I did.

"I know what you're thinking." His calm voice interrupted my revere but I was not startled; a small part of me had always known that he would come. "You're wondering why it is that we cannot be like that, why it cannot be that easy for us." He was not questioning; it was as though he was reading my mind.

"Why not?" I turned to Draco and locked my jaw. I cursed myself for I knew that my eyes were glistening with unshed tears. "Why can't it be that easy for us?" He was stood a few feet away from me and he was staring at me. For the first time in weeks, there was not a trace of any venom in his eyes.

"Because you and I are two of a kind." He stepped closer, his voice soft and reassuring. "We need the games and the suspense; without them, we would grow bored."

"Then why do I envy them?" I asked, _needing_ him to convey all the answers to me.

"Because they are happy." He stated simply and looked out over the balcony.

"Do you feel the same?"

"I do." He looked back at me, his crystal grey eyes boring into my own. "But it's not enough. You and I are not the kind of people who can settle for an easy ride. It is the bumps and the crashes that control us; that_ drive_ us." He was so close to me then that our noses were almost touching. I looked down, ashamed of my vulnerability. "Nikkia, look at me." He tilted my head up with his fingertips.

"I'm sorry." I blurted out. He looked alarmed for a moment before regaining his cool demeanour. "You have to believe me; I was so scared that seeing me would be the death of you." I continued embarrassingly. "I did not know what else to do. I only knew that I _couldn't_ lose you. When I saw you in the lavatory covered in blood and barely moving; I have never been so terrified in my entire life. I thought that you were gone! I couldn't leave your side until I _knew_ that you were going to be okay." My eyes searched his. For what, I do not know. "But I understand now that you were right; I should have gone to you. I should have confided in you. I betrayed you, Draco. I am so very sorry." I looked down again.

He breathed heavily and we stayed silent for a few moments, my words surrounding us, until I felt his smooth fingertips on my chin once more and he tilted my head back up to meet his gaze. "Nikkia, I have gone three months without being able to look into your exquisite eyes; please do not deny me them any longer." He said sternly and I but my bottom lip, anxious to hear what he had to say. "You are forgiven, Nikkia. You were always forgiven."

"But...what about the other night?" I was utterly confused.

"I was angry at myself more than I was at you. I let you get to me, Nikkia. You could potentially ruin me and I was trying to push you away."

"What changed?"

"Today, at the wedding. I was not really listening, but I was thinking about the whole sanctity of marriage. Taking another as your own entirely, and in return giving yourself up to them. I realised that one day, I wish to exchange those vows with you and only you." I gasped and stepped back slightly but he pulled me back into his arms and held my face with both of his marble like hands. "Just promise me this, Nikkia,"

"Anything," I breathed.

"Never leave me." I closed my eyes as he placed one single soft chaste kiss on my lips.

~x~

"Draco?" I questioned later on that evening as we led on top of the covers of the bed in my hotel room. We were facing one another and I was crushed against his person, his arms encircling me and my head pressed against his chest.

"Hmm?" He murmured as he skimmed the tip of his nose through my now loose hair. All of the lights were off and if I had to guess then I would have said it was around four o'clock in the morning. The curtains were open allowing the Italian moonlight to illuminate the room and fill it with shadows. It made me reminisce on the first night I had ever spent in Malfoy Manor.

"What happens now?" The question was always asked as half of the time, I had absolutely no clue as to what was occurring between Draco and myself.

"Now?" He whispered and pressed a soft kiss to my temple.

"Yeah. I think that we're both agreed on not telling _everyone_...but I do think that we should tell Blaise and Theo...and Daphne." I added Daphne's name quickly but knew that Draco would not bypass my mistake.

"Nikkia," He chuckled and my body warmed at the sound "Do you really think that I do not know that Daphne is fully aware of our relationship?" He asked rhetorically.

"So we're in a relationship?" I asked, searching for any form of confirmation.

"I think that is what they call it, yes." He affirmed. "If you wish to tell Blaise and Theo then so be it. I know that I can trust them not to tell anyone else. And Daphne has already done a good job of keeping silent." I revelled in the feel of his calloused fingertips drawing light patterns on the exposed skin of my back.

"And what about our families?" I asked.

"My mother already knows about you." What? He'd told his _mother_ about me?

"_What_?" I asked, incredulously.

"What did you expect? My mother and I are close, it would be only natural to tell her about you. You've been one of the biggest parts of my life this past year. Who do you think I went to for advice?" My mind was suddenly filled with an image of Draco and Narcissa Malfoy watching old romantic movies and carefully determining the contents of my letters like a pair of twelve year old girls. I could not help but chuckle to myself. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing," I smiled, "I just can't imagine you asking anyone for advice on _anything_! Let alone, _girl_ troubles." I giggled.

"Why not?" He looked genuinely confused. "Only a fool denies a helping hand. It takes a real man to be able to know when help is needed." His lips pressed against mine but he pulled back when I did not respond to his actions. "What's wrong _now_?"

"Just what exactly have you told your mother? Because I was under the impression that these past few months I have not really been your _favourite _person." I raised one eyebrow quizzically. His mother probably thought that I was a self centred bitch...which was completely true but I did not wish for my lover's mother to know that.

"Nikkia, you are _always_ my favourite person; regardless of circumstance." I beamed up at him and kissed his lower lip chastely. "And as for my mother...I do believe that you already have her eating out of the palm of her hand. Honestly, I don't think I have ever seen her so proud of me. She has seen you before at functions and has always thought that you were the most beautiful witch in London. And, I don't know if you know this, but nearly all blue blooded wizarding families with age appropriate sons have been determined to make you a part of their family."

"I don't believe it." I frowned at him as though he were a mad man.

"Believe it." He reinforced. "You, Miss Nikkia Valentine, are the most eligible bacheloress in London." His arms tightened around me as he spoke, trapping me in his hold. "Well, you _were_ the most eligible bacheloress in London. Now, you are completely and utterly off the market."

"Oh am I?" I raised one eyebrow and smirk. "Because, Mr Malfoy, if I am as wanted as you most ludicrously declare that I am, surely I can do a whole lot better than the likes of you." I chuckled but the sound soon turned into a sound of playful terror when suddenly Draco's hooded eyes narrowed and my body was encaged with his until he was led on top of me, looking down with smug grey eyes.

"That's probably true; but you'll never find out." He swept a loose curl behind my ear and let the pad of his thumb linger on my cheek bone lightly. "You're mine, Nikkia. And I'll never let you leave me again."

"I'll never want to." The sentence was barely out of my mouth when his lips touched mine for the softest and most intimate kiss we had ever shared.

~x~

"Do I _have_ to?" I whined at Draco the very next morning and our last few moments in Venice. Draco was insisting that I return with him to Malfoy Manor for the remaining two days of the spring holiday. But going back to that place would mean officially meeting his mother; a meeting that I was completely unprepared for. Meeting your lover's parents was already frightening, but having them know all about how horrid you had been to their son over the past few months was completely petrifying.

"Yes. I have already informed Mother of your visit; she is extremely looking forward to meeting with you." He spoke in a final manner as he picked up both his and my suitcase from the ground "_And_ before you start grasping for excuses; my Mother has spoken with Maria and the house elves are picking up everything you will need from your home as we speak." I rolled my eyes. Trust him to take away any possible excuse that I had.

"But...but-" I tried but no other argument came to mine. The smug git really had thought of everything. "_Fine!_ But can we not travel back with the others at least? I feel rude just apparating away."

"I have spoken with Blaise; he insists we apparate as the hotel are unaware that I have been residing in their four bedroom suite." Blaise had more than enough money to pay for Draco's place, but I knew that Blaise was only doing it to see if he could get away with it. We had already said our goodbyes to Blaise, Theo and Daphne...and truth be told, I had already accepted my fate but I was just trying to prolong my arrival at Malfoy Manor for as long as possible.

"You know, sometimes I really do hate you, Draco Malfoy." I glare at him as I step into my nude Christian Louboutin suede high wedged ankle boots. I had even taken to wearing heels during the day now due to my lack of height. Curse the Gods for making me so small. Even with the six inch platform heels, Draco was still a foot taller than me. Tall Bastard.

"Oh really?" The blonde prince raised one perfectly arched eyebrow at me and his eyes seemed to darken. I shuddered. How could he make me feel so..._lustful_ with just one mere look? "You should watch that beautiful mouth of yours, Nikkia. You know how _upset_ I get when I am insulted." His words were a threat but the glint in his pale grey eyes told me that he was only playing a game in which I was already a player.

"You're right. I _meant_ to say that I hate you _all_ the time." I grinned and cocked my head to the side. A boyish grin spread over his usually cool and collected features and he reached out a hand to pull my body to him by the hem of the pale lilac blazer which I wore over a white lace summer dress. He pulled me closer until my lips were pressed against his in a chaste kiss before pulling back again and holding my face in his hands.

"Oh, Nikkia. You infuriate me...and I would not have it any other way." I beamed at him. Considering that only two days before, Draco and had been completely at each other's throats, we really were now at a good place. Hell, we were acting like two cheesy love struck teenagers! Well, as much as Draco and I could _ever_ act like that. I had always believed that public displays of affection should have been made into a public offence. Even the sight of two people holding hands had bile rise up to my throat in a wave of nausea. "Are you ready?" Draco asked. I quickly grabbed my Louis Vuitton travel bag and nodded at my Slytherin Prince.

He did not say another word. He held out his hand which I took willingly. Draco seemed to stare down at our joined hands for a moment wistfully before catching my eye and smiling. And then the hotel room vanished and I was thrown into the horrid twisting void that apparating creates. I shut my eyes as tight as I could and pulled Draco closer to my side as we span through the air. I really did hate apparating. Then, before it had even begun, it was over and solid ground rushed towards my feet.

"You can open your eyes, Nikkia. We're home." Draco spoke softly in my ear and I felt the pad of his thumb run across the back of my hand. I opened my eyes and found myself staring up at the giant black front door of Malfoy Manor. I had never seen the front entrance before. Even at the party with Blaise, we had apparated to the back. The door was _huge_, at least twice the size of Draco, himself. The stone of the walls was grey and authentic. The house had clearly been built a _long_ time ago, passed down through The Malfoy family for generations.

I pulled my hand from Draco's and instinctively smoothed down my skirt. I was so nervous! What if his mother did not warm to me? What if she called him into the kitchen and discreetly told her son to get rid of me as soon as possible? I mean, I had always been excellent in deceptions and lies and all but underneath all that bullshit I _really_ was a horrible person. I had made my peace with it. Hell, I _relished_ in it. But now I was wishing that I _was_ just a normal tree hugging, Mary sunshine. "Why are you so nervous?" I turned and saw that Draco was laughing slightly and looking at me as though I was the strangest sight that he had ever encountered.

"What if she doesn't like me?" I whispered and looked down to the ground, ashamed of my weakness and honesty. Draco tilted my face up so I was looking into his eyes and smiled warmly.

"What's not to like?" He tucked a loose strand of my hair behind my ear. "You're beautiful, intelligent and rich as hell. It's the holy trinity of being an appealing person."

"I am also cruel, deceptive, spiteful and down right heartless." I pointed out glumly.

"The foundations of any Malfoy." He chuckled and I couldn't help but smile. "You have a beautiful smile, Nikkia. I wish that you would smile more often." _Where the hell did that come from_? "Now, I am sure my mother will be anxiously awaiting our arrival." He turned back to the door and reached up to turn the large brass handle. The door opened to reveal the grand foyer in which I had seen at the party the last Autumn. As we stepped inside, I couldn't help but eye up the broom cupboard to the left. Memories with Draco would plague me in Malfoy Manor.

"Mother?" Called Draco as he stepped into the foyer, his hand still firmly grasping my own; the tension forcing me to follow behind him silently. He silently used his hand to pull me so I was facing away from him and I felt his smooth fingertips slide against the skin of my neck before he slid my lilac blazer down my arms and took it from my body. I turned to see that he too ad shrugged out of his black coat as he handed both of our jackets to the small house elf that accepted them eagerly.

I heard the faint click of a pair of high heeled shoes patter against the marble floor and I instinctively took my hand from Draco's grasp. He looked at me and frowned slightly but before he could say anything, a middle aged beauty queen emerged from a corridor to the left.

Narcissa Malfoy was elegant, poised, classy and absolutely the definition of perfection. Her sandy blonde hair hung straight without any hint of disarray; the complete opposite of my messy waves. Her nails looked like they were manicured every single day and her dazzling smile was illuminated by the reflection of the giant chandelier that hung above us. She wore a long black flowing skirt with a black shirt tucked into it and a diamond necklace hanging just below the high necked collar. Her makeup was simple and flawless...but something was missing. The more I studied Draco's mother, I noticed that her blue eyes were dull and lifeless. Her smile was true but strained and her stare was happy yet vacant. Her lover had been torn away from her...and she had never been the same since. I saw Draco flinch slightly and knew that he saw exactly what I did in his mother's facade.

"Draco, darling!" Narcissa floated towards her son and embraced him lightly, planting a soft kiss upon his cheek. Her eyes found me and her eyebrows raised with excitement. "And this must be Nikkia!" Narcissa looked at Draco as if to evaluate the intensity of our relationship. "Well, Draco...you said she was beautiful but somehow; words do not quite seem enough to describe Miss Nikkia." I felt a tinge of colour erupt onto my cheeks as Mrs. Malfoy stared at me with awe.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Malfoy; your son has told me many wonderful things about you." My tone was formal and precise; I was any mother in law's dream. I leant forward as Narcissa kissed my cheek before pulling back. Narcissa placed a hand on my cheek and my eyes widened at the sudden intrusion, my breath hitching.

"Such a pretty thing..." Narcissa seemed to say to herself as though in a private moment before her eyes snapped back to focus and she dropped her hand. "Come, join me in the parlour. I have had the staff prepare a pot of tea in anticipation of your arrival." And with that, she smiled another jaw dropping smile and returned down the corridor from which she arrived.

"She hasn't quite been the same since..." Draco stared after his mother and I knew that her current state tortured Draco.

"She will be okay, Draco." I placed a tentative hand on his shoulder, my eyes trained on his. "I just think she's a little lost; that's all. Being with someone for so long a period of time and then having them snatched away like that...I'm sure she will have forgotten who she is without him." My eyes glazed over as I spoke. Is that what I would be like if Draco were to be taken from me? I shook my head, the thought too painful to process.

"She adores _you_," Draco lightened the mood and smiled in my direction.

"I think she's just amazed that you've actually brought a girl home to meet her!" I giggled. "She probably thought you were gay,"

"You're probably right about that." Draco laughed at my joke and reached for my hand, stopping when I instinctively pulled back. "What's wrong? My mother knows about us, Nikkia."

"I know, I-I..." I tried to articulate my thoughts. "I'm just not used to being honest to people about our relationship." I hesitantly placed my hand in his. "It's just unnatural to me."

Draco beamed at our joined hands before turning and pulling me down the corridor that his mother had vanished down. I used the opportunity to left my false smile fade as I stared down at our joined hands with a sickly drop in my stomach.

~x~

"See, that wasn't _so _bad; was it?"

Draco placed both of his arms on my shoulders from his position behind me as we entered his room that same night. We had enjoyed tea with his mother in the parlour, then I was given a tour of the house by Narcissa (an event that took over three hours; the manor really was _huge_) followed by supper in the drawing room. Narcissa had bid us a good night before retreating to her wing of the house leaving us to return to Draco's. I was amazed that Narcissa Malfoy was allowing her darling son to sleep in the same room as his..._girlfriend_. Merlin! I hated that word.

"No, I guess it wasn't _that_ bad." I smiled shyly as Draco's hands ran up and down the bare skin of my upper arms. "Where are my things?" I whirled around and gestured around the familiar room.

"All your things are in the walk-in wardrobe." Draco gestured towards the white door located at the right of the room before he sauntered into the bathroom. I opened the door as instructed and was amazed by what I saw. It was like the wardrobe had been split in half. Everything along the right wall was Draco's and everything along the left wall was mine. It was like we were an old married couple who had been living together for years. What amazed me further was that my side of the closet was filled with brand new designer clothes that were all exactly my style and exactly my taste.

"Draco!" I called, "What is the meaning of this?"

"What do you mean?" Draco's echoing voice called from the bathroom.

"What do I _mean?"_ I charged into the bathroom to find him standing before one of the two marble sinks whilst he unbuttoned his shirt. "What I _mean_ is why are _all_ of my clothes _here_? You said I was staying for one week!" I looked around at the bathroom shelves and noticed that all of my shampoos, conditioners and body lotions were stacked neatly as though I had placed them there myself. "Oh Merlin! It's not even just my _clothes_! _All_ of my things are here!"

Draco shrugged simply, not once taking his eyes off the task at hand. "I need to know that you're safe."

"So you're keeping me _prisoner_ here?" I practically screamed, trying to get any form of emotional and rational response from him.

"No, not at all. You are free to come and go as you like. I would just appreciate it if for the next few months, when we leave Hogwarts, you spent your nights here with me. It's the only way I'll truly be able to know that you're completely safe."

"And what does my Dad have to say about all of this?" I questioned the obvious. "I don't think he'd be too happy to have his sixteen year old daughter move out into her _boyfriend's_ house!"

"On the contrary- he and my mother have discussed it and he also believes that you will be far safer here, what with him being away with business all of the..." Draco frowned slightly before turning to me and smiling incredulously. "Did you just call me your boyfriend?"

I froze.

"No." The word was strained as my jaw locked and I cringed inwardly. He was going to crucify me for this.

"Yes you did. That's the first time you've ever called me that." He stood staring at me with his shirt open and his hair tousled. He looked magnificent.

"Well, there's no better word for what you are." I shrugged. "Do you mind it?"

"Well, I am hoping that one day we will be referred to as husband and wife, but boyfriend and girlfriend will do...for now." Draco smiled for a split second as though remembering a fond image before walking back into the bedroom and leaving me staring after him with wide eyes and a disbelieving expression.

~x~

**Hello again, sorry it took so long to update. I don't even have an excuse this time other than the fact that I am just plain lazy. Half way through the next chapter already so it shouldn't be too long until I update again. There are only four chapters left in this story and depending on how you all respond; I will consider a sequel. Please read and ****REVIEW**** as I do love hearing from you. **

**Love,**

**musicmeanslove**


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